you were 17 when you met him
started off on the wrong foot
you thought you had everything
you thought you were ahead of others
while he needed to protect himself
from you, from others
still, he reached out and made a connection
soon you realized, both of you were just lost
and meeting each other means finding a place in this world.
he is patient
you are short tempered
he is bold
you are hesitant
he isnt afraid to be himself
everything about you is pretend
but with him you learned to be free
learned the worst and best side of yourself.
his words are unafraid
his actions are unabashed
he makes you laugh
he makes you vulnerable
he makes you feel loved
finders keepers, they say
you are determined to keep him in anyway.
he loves you, yes you know that
but taking the leap from friendship to relationship is scary and full of uncertainty
what if things don’t work out
what if you lose each other in the process
what if the bad outweighs the good,
you're not sure if you are willing to give up your three years of friendship for that.
he is a risk taker and you're not
you decided to avoid his questions
to delay your answers
contented yourself with exchange of glances and not-so-casual touches
you've played safe at everything
they also say: "happy ever after exists in friendship"
so you stayed on the best friend status
it might be a chance but some chances aren’t worth taking
as long you have him and he has you,
it would be fine right?
250 disregarded messages
300 missed calls
and 40 days without him.
you tell yourself
maybe he is just busy
maybe he needs space
maybe he’s just tired
you erase the thought that
maybe he had found someone and left you.
it felt like you are 17 again
lost without his sun
now everything seems dark
a bright rainbow turns to black.
"lets break up" poppy says
you look at her
confused with what she has said
she smiles "i think you're dating the wrong person. go and find sun."
you find it amusing that other people realize that you love him before you do.
but was it way too late? you ask yourself
when you saw him with someone else,
you could only stand and watch that man hover around him
desire is clearly seen on that man’s eyes,
you could only stop and stare as they both laugh helplessly
something painful blooms in your chest, spreading throughout your body
frustration is slowly suffocating you
you are drowning in emotions you’ve never felt before
but the want to take him back is stronger
you have to win him back, no matter what it takes.
this time it’ll be different
now that you have the courage to admit that you had liked him
maybe since that day on the corridor
when your eyes met
you might have loved him soon after
that you had shut him out because you are afraid to lose him
and you are sorry for putting him through that
hopefully he’ll forgive you for taking so long to say it.
you are ready now
you're tired of escaping
you wont let sun be alone this time
you are old enough, maybe mature enough for this
you are going to be brave enough to try
you are ready to bite the bullet.
“i love you sun. ive loved you all along. its always been you.. be mine?"
his lips are on your lips
you finally crossed the line
and this might just be the best decision you’ve ever made.