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One step forward, another one back

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One step forward, another one back


“Did you scold your sister?”

Everything he’d felt for the last few minutes had vanished. His anger for Yuan Ru, the pain in his foot, the worry for Yuan Zong’s hands, the urge to get more of his attention, just more ...

Now, all he could think of was how close he was to this man and how soft it made him feel. How he was afraid to say or do something wrong, so Yuan Zong would turn away. Should he accept Ru’s suit, so the siblings wouldn’t have to argue? So he could stay close to Yuan Zong? Continue to have this, right here?

Gently, he brushed the sweat off Yuan Zong’s forehead, marvelling in the closeness, the heat of this body above him, the way his heartbeat calmed down and sped up at the same time.

Xia Yao could have stayed like this, completely content to just look and be looked at so intensely. He wished he could keep Yuan Zong close. As close as this. No, closer even.

Carefully, he cupped Yuan Zong’s face with his left hand, the right one still stuck under the pressure of the arm on his chest. With his thumb, he caressed the rough skin, the light stubble, the wrinkles beside those beautiful eyes.

Oh, how he wished he could keep Yuan Zong in breathing distance, making him look only at him with no woman, no man beside him. Every bit of distance was too much, made him feel as if he was about to lose their connection any second now. As if Yuan Zong could pull back, as if he could leave him, right now, as if ...

A soft jerk went through his body and brought him closer to Yuan Zong’s for a split second as if he was being pulled.

‘I want to absorb him, inhale him, breathe him in ...’, he thought like a prayer, continuing to stare into the depth of those unreadable eyes, a mystery to unfold.

‘I want to crawl under his skin, to be his for everyone to see ...’

This single thought, set his body on fire, made him jerk up until he was pressed against Yuan Zong , feeling the heat and those hard, strong muscles under his soft clothes.

Reflexively, Yuan Zong pushed down, pressing Xia Yao against the sofa with his hips, the corner of his eyes twitching although the rest of his face was still this impeccable mask, almost comforting in its unchanging state.

They stayed and stared, Xia Yao’s hand still cradling Yuan Zong’s face with tenderness, while his body was on fire, making him want to push further, harder, no matter how unsure he was where this would lead. The only thing hew knew for sure that he wanted and wished and ... but did Yuan Zong ? Or was he alone with his needs right now, only being pinned down to stop moving?

The gaze directed at him wandered down to his lips and a shudder ran through Xia Yao, so violently, he pressed upwards once more, realising he’d long since crossed a line, being hard and aroused.

A small moan escaped him, even though he had never planned to, hadn’t planned anything at all. A tiny moan, more like an audible breath, but suddenly Yuan Zong’s hips were moving against him, pushing again and again with small rolls, uncoordinated and hectic, urgently.
Another moan escaped him as he tried to move, too, searching for more friction, a different friction, something ...

It wasn’t comfortable, their pants making the experience rather rough and painful than sexy, but it didn’t stop them. Their movement grew more frantic, their breathing more laboured as they humped each other while staring with their eyes wide open. As if anything else would break the connection. As if they had to remember this was reality. As if they had to be reminded what this was ...

With a whimper, Xia came, holding on to Yuan Zong with all he could, still wishing he could be closer, could be deeper inside this man.

But it wasn’t what was supposed to happen and so he took whatever he could.

When the stars in front of his eyes had vanished and his breathing had stopped being so harsh, he realised the man on top of him was lying still, still watching him without a change in his face.

“Did you ...”, he started after biting his own lip, unsure how to proceed.

“It’s okay.”

Of course, he’d say that, Xia Yao thought, frustrated. Of course, he wouldn’t want to care for his own needs, even though his body was one tense line, ready to rip apart, as he held himself still.

But Xia Yao could still feel the arousal pressed against himself, since he hadn’t let go, his legs encircling Yuan Zong, caging him in.

“Is it?”

And with this, he leaned upwards, pressing a dry kiss against the man’s mouth while moving his hips once more.

He had expected Yuan Zong to stop completely or to start moving again, falling back into the rhythm they’ve had before.

Instead, the reaction was instant. Yuan Zong’s whole body spasmed violently, his weight almost choking Xia Yao with heat and pressure. He didn’t even kiss back, his mouth open and slack, ready for Xia Yao to take and take and take ...

When Yuan Zong finally relaxed, his whole body got loose, seeming more like a blanket now, warm and comfortable, as he just lay on top of Xia Yao, finally devoid of tension, his face buried in his neck.

Slowly, Xia Yao let his legs fall to the side, no longer in need of keeping the man close in fear of him running away. It was rather adorable, having such a huge man on top of him, cuddling like a baby, spent and breathless.

Carefully, Xia Yao ran his hands through Yuan Zong’s hair, messing the perfect style as he enjoyed the way he could feel the heat through their clothes. How his shirt was sticking to his skin, a constant reminder of what had happened.

He’d thought he was straight, had fought against whatever he had felt for Yuan Zong till now, but he couldn’t deny it any longer. This, with Yuan Zong right here, was exactly what he wanted, even more. He didn’t know what it meant in the end, but he wouldn’t run from it, wouldn’t push Yuan Zong away or pull back.

Now, he could only hope Yuan Zong wouldn’t reject him ...

He hugged the man closer, revelling in the heat a bit more before he loosened his grip enough for Yuan Zong to move.

“Let’s do it again?”

Within a second, Yuan Zong was off of him. Still on the sofa, but kneeling with enough distance between them to make him feel cold, the dampness of his shirt and the stickiness of his trousers suddenly uncomfortable.

He almost looked haunted as his eyes seemed to look for something specific, maybe the reason why.


“This”, Xia Yao pointed between them, “Let’s do this again.”


“As if I had the energy”, Xia Yao tried to laugh, despite being nervous as hell, “No. Just, sometime else, whenever we want.”

Silence stretched between them as Yuan Zong continued to look and think about it, adamant not to show a single emotion on his face. Xia Yao truly had to trust his words, because there was no way he could know what he thought or felt.

They had done so much already. Was a second time really such a big problem?

“Look, if you don’t want to, it’s okay. Just, why not?”

The staring intensified.

“I can always look for someone else, don’t feel pressured.”

“I’ll do it!”

Yuan Zong’s words were a mere growl, spoken as if he had to push them out violently.
Was he even jealous?
Xia Yao felt the excitement return, as well as his own smile.

“Good”, he couldn’t stop grinning, despite his face heating up, “I will be looking forward to it, then.”



Knowing they had done it once and that there was a possibility of them doing it again, was stuck in Xia Yao’s head almost constantly. Whether he was at work or at training. Whether he was with his friends or colleagues or Yuan Zong himself, he felt conscious of himself and his body, the desire boiling in his veins.

Just thinking of Yuan Zong’s eyes and arms and gentle hands made him shiver in anticipation, wishing for something to hold on to, something to keep him grounded.

No ... actually, he wished for Yuan Zong to come and sweep him from his feet in a way he hadn’t experienced yet. He wished ...

But it didn’t happen and he had no idea who to initiate it. Not, when Yuan Zong was lying next to him, reading like a responsible adult, being soft and calm, not at all seeming as if he had something else in mind.

And so Xia Yao didn’t ask for it, but wondered, each night, with a racing heart, how far he could go to make Yuan Zong react. Just ... react. In some way, any way.

But whenever he reached out to touch the man next to him, it seemed like an impossible distance. As if a wall was between them, no matter how often Yuan Zong would scratch his back or brush his hair aside. Still, it never seemed like an invitation or something else besides an affectionate gesture.

Affectionate like for a brother?

The thought didn’t sit well with Xia Yao, especially after what had happened between them. This couldn’t be brotherly affection, could it? Or had Yuan Zong just done it to be nice to him?

This night, Xia Yao slept quite bad for the very first time since they shared a room and bed. He tossed and turned, was only half asleep but not properly awake, dreaming about confusing things, uncomfortable moments.

Suddenly, in the middle of a dream so bothering and maddening, he got pulled against a strong chest, arms encircling him, pulling him out of his sleep.

Confused, he woke up, pressed against a warm body with a rapidly beating heart, the opposite of calm.


“Shhh”, Yuan Zong’s breath hit his ear, shooting a shudder through every nerve, “Everything will be alright. You’re safe. Everything is okay.”

The dream was hazy with no clear images or thoughts left, except for a racing heart and the wish to bury himself in Yuan Zong’s arms, knowing this was reality and no dream any longer.

It was also, he realised after enough time to calm down, also the perfect opportunity to be close to Yuan Zong once more, the forced distance no longer to be felt.

“Are you better?”

The hold on his shoulder loosened as if he was allowed to roll away now, but Xia Yao stayed, unwilling to move even a centimetre away. Still, he nodded slightly, hoping he wouldn’t be pushed away.

But, after a moment of waiting, Yuan Zong snuggled closer again, as if he, as well, had only needed an opportunity to do so. Had he? Xia Yao wondered ...

He had calmed down by now, the last memories of the dream vanishing in the warmth of the embrace and the beginning excitement, knowing he was touching Yuan Zong from head to toe.

He would, Xia Yao suddenly realised, get around sooner or later, if they stayed like that and while he was sure Yuan Zong could ignore it if pressed, he didn’t. And he needed to know if there was another chance. Another shot.

Without loosening the hold on Yuan Zong, he turned his head slightly, till a collarbone, bare and naked, was directly in front of him.

Carefully, he planted a gentle kiss on top of it, the reaction immediate.

Yuan Zong’s body tensed as if being electrocuted, his hands holding on to Xia Yao as if he was drowning. But just for a moment, until he was back in control over his body, his emotions.

Still, it had been a reaction and not a bad one, Xia Yao decided for himself.

“Are you okay?”

This time, Yuan Zong’s voice was rough, his breathing more laboured than usually.

Instead of an answer, Xia Yao kissed him again, following the line of the collar bone, as crooked and uneven as the man it belonged to. He’d probably broken it several times, Xia Yao thought, before peppering more kisses to the skin in front of him. The shudders running through Yuan Zong’s body weren’t even subtle and made him smile, proud of himself.

“You ...”, Yuan Zong started again but didn’t finish.

Partly, because he probably didn’t know what to say himself.
But mostly, because Xia Yao had pushed his hips against Yuan Zong’s, showing him exactly how this effected him.

To be fair, Yuan Zong didn’t seem in a better state, his erection hard and hot, even through his shorts.

Slowly, Xia Yaon wandered upwards, kissing Yuan Zong’s throat leisurely, as if they didn’t have more pressing matters in their pants. Yuan Zong didn’t move much, but his hands started twitching and moving, running circles on Xia Yao’s arms and his back, as if this was all he allowed himself.

Xia Yao was torn.
Should he be patient until Yuan Zong made the next step, or should he do it himself, knowing this honourable man might be too careful, too unsure if he was welcome.

But he was a spoiled brat and he had always been impatient, he decided, not taking any chances. And so he stretched a bit more and bit.

This time it wasn’t Yuan Zong’s mouth, but his chin, full of stubble, sharp and forbidden. Xia Yao bit it anyway, huffing as he did so, his hands pulling Yuen even closer by his shirt, roaming his back, not caring if he might burn himself.
Because Yuen was burning.
His whole body seemed to be aflame, warming every bit of Xia Yao.

No, when Yuen finally moved, his big hands groping Xia Yao’s ass to pull him close with a forceful jerk, Xia Yao was on fire, too, burning with every fibre of his being.

This, he realised like a satisfied cat when Yuen started moving against him, their erections meeting in uncoordinated ways, this was what he’d wanted and he was finally getting it.

With another, harder bite to Yuen’s throat, Xia Yao opened his legs wider and enjoyed being manhandled for once, the bruise he’d probably get on his ass the best kind of marking he could wish for.

It would remind him who had done it to him, would remind him who he belonged to. And also who belonged to him. It was a mark that worked both ways and Xia Yao wished it would stay.

Maybe they’d manage to.



The sex and dry humping happened more often now.

First, it would be once a week maybe, when neither of them was too tired or shy. But slowly, it happened more often, Xia Yao finding more and more reasons to stay over each night. First at the academy, but before long they had moved to Yuen’s apartment.

Slowly, they started to find their own rhythm, their own communication. A glance would be enough to say what they meant, as well as a touch.

They’d now do it even while being sleepy, leisurely rubbing against each other just for the sake of it.

At some point, Xia Yao had started to jerk Yuan Zong off. Till then, they had only humped each other, their shorts and trousers like a security wall between them. But it hadn’t been enough, it couldn’t be enough. Xia Yao had wanted to go further, to know more, to explore. He wanted to know the man beneath those clothes, with his strong thighs and chiselled abs.

And yes, Xia Yao would call them chiselled, no matter how much Yuan Zong would roll his eyes.

So, since the man in question wouldn’t take the initiative, Xia Yao did, pulling Yuan Zong’s pants down during sex, to finally get a grip on him, a good look, too.

Yuan Zong froze in the middle of the movement and Xia Yao wondered if he’d crossed a strict line.


This wasn’t the voice of a strict leader who was sure of himself any longer. This was the voice of a man who was shaken to his core, trying to hold himself together.

“I’d like to try it”, Xia Yao responded honestly, “I have imagined touching you for too long.”

“You have?”

The astonishment surprised him, but he decided not to dwell on it too much. They could talk about it later. Now, he wanted to touch and continue, his own erection pressing and his hands still close to Yuan Zong’s naked skin.

Xia Yao nodded enthusiastically: “I want to. Don’t you want to try it, too?”

The look he received was careful and insecure. How could Yuan Zong be so insecure? Or did he really not want to do it? Was he just trying to spoil Xia Yao’s needs? Was this all a farce to ...

“If you really want it?”

The frustration grew: “I don’t ask if you want it if I want it, but if you want it. And if you don’t, I’ll stop. But if you continue to evade an answer, I’ll go.”

“What? No!”

Actual panic showed itself in Yuan Zong’s eyes for a moment, his arms closing around Xia Yao almost like an automatic reaction.

“Well”, Xia Yao lifted his eyebrow provokingly, “Then tell me what you want.”

The rush of power which was surging through his body, was addicting. Knowing that he was the calm one, the one in control of his own emotions, for once, was exhilarating.

“Yes”, Yuan Zong finally admitted with a shy smile, “I want you to.”


This was becoming more and more fun by the second, Xia Yao’s arousal growing as well as he held himself back, waiting for the ultimate agreement, the next step.

“I want you to touch me.”


Xia Yao really couldn’t keep his own smirk down as his hands finally touched those glorious, naked hips, sending shivers through Yuan Zong’s body. He leaned up and ...

“No kiss.”

The hand over his mouth seemed final, Yuan Zong’s face devoid of the insecurity again. For a second, Xia Yao wondered if he should ask why, but he had the weird feeling it would only put a stop to everything. So maybe later, like all of the emotional baggage.

“Okay”, he nodded and instead pressed a kiss to Yuan Zong’s collarbone while his hands wandered further.

Yuan Zong’s breathing became more laboured as he seemed to hold on to Xia Yao, waiting for the touch which was about to happen, the next step. But Xia Yao wanted to savour the path to it as well. To actually feel the softness of Yuan Zong’s skin. To compare it with his own fantasies, the way he had imagined it all the time.

“I ...”, Yuan Zong suddenly started again, his words a hot whisper next to Xia Yao’s ear, “I want to touch you, too.”

To say he felt excited after those words would have been an understatement. No.
Xia Yao flushed, felt his cheeks heating up, a shiver running down his body, making his toes curl with anticipation.

“Yes”, he whispered back, unable to form any more words.

So, when he finally touched Yuan Zong’s whole, hot length, Yuan Zong’s fingers were curling around his own as well, a distraction and encouragement to go further, to make Yuan Zong moan and tremble and huff. He couldn’t let himself be overwhelmed by his own pleasure before he hadn’t wrecked Yuan Zong thoroughly.

And when he did ... when Yuan Zong came with a cry, shivering in Xia Yao’s arms, his fingers almost too tight around Xia Yao, he was for once truly and perfectly satisfied.



In the end, talking about the no-kissing-rule or the amount of spoiling Yuan Zong was doing, wasn’t as easy as Xia Yao had hoped.

It was, to be honest, entirely impossible. The fear of Yuan Zong pulling back was too much and the acting of letting it slide way too easy.
He’d do it later, he promised himself.
He’d find the right moment, he hoped.

It wasn’t, after all, without hope.
He could see the way Yuan Zong looked at him, his whole attention on Xia Yao as if he was the only person in the world.
The jealousy and possessiveness weren’t lost on him either, producing this delicious tingling in his belly, making him addicted to it too fast to be healthy.
Xia Yao also would have to be blind not to see the care Yuan Zong showed for him with every meal he cooked, every protective stance he took.

No, it wasn’t hopeless. All Xia Yao needed was patience, he knew. Patience and small steps, bringing them closer together. Whether those were inside or outside of the bedroom.

Because soon, handjobs weren’t enough anymore.

Xia Yao loved them, surely he did. But he wanted to know more, wanted to explore Yuan Zong and imprint himself on the man, mark him as his with every fibre of his being.

“Isn’t he popular with the women?”, his mother asked and Xia Yao was torn between pride and raging jealousy.

Pride because yes, this was the man he’d chosen for himself. And he was the person, Yuan Zong had chosen for now as well.

Jealousy, because he knew how attractive Yuan Zong was. How easy it was to fall for his looks alone. How impossible it was not to fall for him once you got to know him.

Would there be a person one day, who Yuan Zong would like to kiss? Who Yuan Zong wouldn’t be able to control himself around anymore? Who he’d tell his wishes and desires instead of waiting?

It wasn’t as if Xia Yao didn’t appreciate Yuan Zong’s careful way, but only once he wished for the man to initiate, to go further than they had ever gone. He needed it actually, to know he wasn’t the only one who wanted more than they had right now. Or was he?



“Come here.”

Warm, tender words pulled him closer until Xia Yao was bedded against a strong, naked chest, too tired to think of anything besides sleep and safety.

He’d been running around all day, from work to the academy to Da Yo, then back to Yuan Zong. His father had threatened him with an arranged marriage before he’d even arrived, pulling his mother along, who was usually very content with the way it was.

As he snuggled against the warm body under him, Yuan Zong let out a chuckle.

“You’re content like that?”

Oh, had someone wished for something else?
No wonder, it was Yuan Zong’s last day before he was off to his hometown after all. Xia Yao understood, but he was also not able to keep his eyes open or move for another bit.

So, he nodded and buried his face deeper, inhaling the familiar scent, which was by now a synonym for home and safety.

“You had a long day, didn’t you?”

He knew he was being pampered again since Yuan Zong’s days were probably as full and hectic as his, but he couldn’t bring himself to protest. Instead, he nodded once more.

For a moment, Yuan Zong stayed silent, despite the obvious tension in his body.

“What?”, with bleary eyes, Xia Yao lifted his head to look at the man, “Ask.”

Dark, beautiful eyes looked over him as if he had the answer to an unknown question before Yuan Zong seemed to relax: “It’s okay, don’t worry.”


“I promise”, a kiss to his forehead sent the most delicious tingle through his sleepy body, “We’ll talk when I’m back.”

“Too long”, Xia Yao murmured, but closed his eyes, trusting Yuan Zong to keep his word.

Yuan Zong ...
His partner ...
His lover ...

With the last bit of strength and energy in his body, Xia Yao pressed himself even closer, savouring every little bit of connection and touch, burning Yuan Zong’s heartbeat into his memory.

He wouldn’t let go.



Jumping into Yuan Zong’s arms had been his dream, to be honest. Even when Xia Yao had been in the airplane still, he’d imagined it like a schoolboy might imagine his first crush.

He’d run and jump and Yuan Zong would catch him with ease and hold him close.

Yes, by now he knew he was so deep in love, there was no way out. He didn’t even want one, content to stay with Yuan Zong as long as possible, just the way they were. Well, maybe with kisses at some point.

It was a wish which kept him going through the snow and cold and darkness. It was a dream which became true when he finally laid eyes on the man he loved, ready to be in his arms.

As he was being carried, Yuan Zong’s arms engulfing him, he knew it had been worth the wait.
Yuan Zong had been worth the wait.

This night, the tension was high from the moment Yuan Zong had locked his door on.

“Just so my sister won’t storm in”, he’d said and Xia Yao had believed him.

But no matter how much he knew what the reason for it was, it also changed the mood in the small bedroom, barely filled with furniture.

“I am cold”, Xia Yao said with a low voice and Yuan Zong pulled him close, his heartbeat betraying his calm face.

“I miss you”, Xia Yao confessed with a whisper against Yuan Zong’s throat and large hands pulled him even closer, pressing them against each other in familiar angles.

“Fuck me”, Xia Yao breathed as he thrust his hips against Yuan Zong’s and watched Yuan Zong shudder with his whole body.

“I ... we never ...”

Xia Yao didn’t care.

“I want you to fuck me”, he stated, staring at Yuan Zong, “And I want to fuck you.”

He could feel the heat coming off of Yuan Zong in waves, his confusion and embarrassment palpable.
By now he had rolled them around, so he was on top of Yuan Zong, pressing his whole weight against the man, their erections a heated centre.

“I have prepared myself”, Xia Yao also confessed, “And if you want to, you can fuck me tonight.”

Stunned silence met him, but one aimed thrust broke it, eliciting a harsh moan from Yuan Zong.

“Just to be clear”, Xia Yao continued, “I want it. I’ve wanted it for some time.”

Usually, he liked to tease, but he knew, in this situation, he needed to be direct and clear. Otherwise, Yuan Zong would overthink and hesitate.

Slowly, he managed to sit up, pressing down even more, until he was upright. His hands were roaming Yuan Zong’s body as if it was the first time. He took pride in every small shiver, ever tremble, every moan.

And when Yuan Zong finally grabbed his hips to keep him still but locked, breathing a desperate “Yes”, Xia Yao was more than ready.

It was different than with his toys.
It was also different than it had been in his fantasy.
But it was also so much more.

To know he was connected with Yuan Zong in a completely new way ...
To know Yuan Zong was deep inside of him in more ways than one ...
To know that every gaze of wonder and desire was directed at him alone ...

Xia Yao promised himself he’d never forget.

They fucked.
Several times.
Careful at first, desperate later, when Xia Yao took over the lead, showing Yuan Zong exactly how much he could take.
How much he wanted to take, to be precise.

And if his ass was stinging afterwards, a very real proof of what they had done, the tender care with which Yuan Zong treated him then, made it all worth once over.

Despite his wish to do the same for Yuan Zong one day, Xia Yao knew he was more than ready to do it again. And again. And again ...

And so it was a wonder, really, Yuan Zong’s sister didn’t realise what was going on right in front of her, even though they fucked each night they spent together at their hometown, one way or another.

The very last night, Yuan Zong clang to him as if he was drowning, desperate and helpless.

“I want you”, he confessed, even though he was buried deep inside of Xia Yao.

“I want you. I want you”, he repeated with his face against Xia Yao’s shoulder, his hips moving in a frantic way, one of his hands at Xia Yao’s dick, driving him insane.

Still, Xia Yao pressed a messy kiss to Yuan Zong’s forehead, his breathing so laboured, he didn’t know how to do it properly anymore.

“I know”, he whispered back, even though he wasn’t sure if it was at all audible with the way he didn’t seem to be able to utter anything besides moans.

Yuan Zong stopped for a second and looked at Xia Yao with a sudden seriousness.

“When we’re back home again”, he heaved, “It’s your turn.”

And with those words, Yuan Zong kissed him, for the very first time, while his hips drove against his, again and again, making Xia Yao finally lose his mind.

Later, when they were clean once more, cuddled together, Xia Yao wondered about the kiss. Had it been on purpose? Had it been an accident? The heat of the moment? Enjoyable? Regrettable?

But, looking at the man asleep in his arms, he decided, this wasn’t the time to discuss it. Later, he promised himself.



Xia Yao had had several reasons for trying to send Yuan Zong away before his mother could hear him or sniff his presence.

He had known she’d embarrass him without mercy, no matter who he was with. And of course, she talked about the blind date. As if it was something he had been thinking about at all. As if it was important in any way, for anyone. His parents would calm down again and his father would be silent on the matter until his next visit. It was really no big issue ...

Except, from the moment Yuan Zong heard about it, his tension was palpable, coming off him almost in waves.

Xia Yao didn’t know what to make of it. What did Yuan Zong think about it? What was the problem? Was there a problem at all?

But yes, there was, it seemed. Even if Xia Yao hadn’t thought too much about it. For him, it had been clear.

1. He was not interested in blind dates, girls or marriages.
2. Yuan Zong had been on his mind the whole time. No one else.

And he knew well enough how easy it was to persuade his mother to drop the subject or ignore his father the next time he visited, so he hadn’t bothered to see this as something else than an opportunity to visit Yuan Zong.

But for Yuan Zong, it was a problem.

The fire in his eyes when he’d asked about it, had sent shivers down to Xia Yao’s toes, a new excitement taking place in his body.

Was Yuan Zong jealous?
Or only feeling guilty for being in the way?

No, this couldn’t be. Xia Yao thought back to the last few days, to Yuan Zong’s words, spoken in a rough, sexed-up voice. It clearly was too late for guilt, so it had to be jealousy. It had to ...

Xia Yao remembered his own frustration when Yuan Zong had been flirted with in front of him. The silent rage, which had taken root, deep in his belly.

How would Yuan Zong react to it? How would he proceed? Would he fight? Or would he step back?

There was no confusion. Xia Yao wanted this exhilarating pull in his chest back again. The knowledge of being desired enough to be the reason for the fire in Yuan Zong’s eyes. And he knew himself enough to be sure he’d push until he’d see it again ...



With no more obligations left for him, Xia Yao was free to linger in Yuan Zong’s office late in the evening, to watch him concentrate on his work in an especially tense fashion today.

Sitting on the sofa, playing games, he couldn’t keep himself from glancing at the man who stared at the screen as if it had insulted him personally.

“What did the bad thing do to your old brain? Did someone offend you? Shall I take revenge?”

One eyebrow twitched.
That was all.
Then, Yuan Zong continued to stare at the screen as if his life depended on it.

Xia Yao huffed and leaned back again: “If you’re so into work, maybe I should leave you two alone? Is there something I could do instead? So I won’t feel lonely?”

This time, he could feel the stare on him, pulling the right strings in his chest again, feeding his addiction.

“Ah”, he smiled as if the idea was new and an option at all, “Of course. What was her name ...”

If he’d had to bet on Yuan Zong’s timing, he would have lost. He’d really imagined the man to be more patient, more reluctant to lose his calm.

But no. He was with Xia Yao in seconds, looming over him like a fucking caveman, his chest heaving and his eyes spewing fire.

“What?”, Xia Yao smiled as if he had no idea what this was about.

As if he wasn’t ready to combust because Yuan Zong was taking the initiative for the first time. As if it wasn’t exciting him to know Yuan Zong was jealous. Somehow.

Yuan Zong, who was staring at him with helpless fury, was unable to articulate what he wanted to say.

“What shall I do instead?”, Xia Yao teased further, “Watch you stare at a screen? I don’t think I’m in the mood for that today. So, a date seems like a nice op...”

Yuan Zong’s nonverbal ‘No!’ was received clearly as he silenced Xia Yao with a kiss, their teeth clashing for a painful moment. Yuan Zong didn’t stop, but moved on top of Xia Yao hastily, his body heat already high enough to burn him.

And Xia Yao welcomed him with open arms and open legs, ready lips.

It was different, this time, on the sofa in Yuan Zong’s office, their dynamic shifting slightly as Yuan Zong suddenly demanded and took all which Xia Yao was ready to give.

His mouth was at Xia Yao’s throat, his collarbone, leaving a hot path of tingling sensation as well as Xia Yao breathless. His hands were busy as well, seemingly everywhere as they gripped his hair, stroked his chin and ran over his chest.

One hand, trembling so much Xia Yao could feel it, worked its way into his pants, forcing him to buck up into the new heat. It was overwhelming and for once he let go completely, the lead taken from him entirely. He simply reacted, losing himself in the attention and fire.

Xia Yao moved, searching for more friction, more rhythm, chasing the high as Yuan Zong wrecked him completely, pulling the orgasm out of him as if it was the only goal he had in life.

When Xia Yao came, moaning with no hesitation, holding on to Yuan Zong’s shoulders with desperate force, it was new and exciting and so damn satisfying.

Opening his eyes again, he caught Yuan Zong staring at him with this unreadable gaze. As if he was contemplating a thousand things in his mind, all of which were about Xia Yao.

Slowly, he leaned up, to press a soft kiss to Yuan Zong’s mouth. The man stayed put but didn’t move back, tense and unsure. Unsure how to proceed? Unsure what all of this meant?

With one easy push, Xia Yao changed their positions, made Yuan Zong lose his balance enough to suddenly sit on the sofa, halfway on Xia Yao’s lap. But it wasn’t enough. Wasn’t what Xia Yao had had in mind yet. And so he continued to push one confused Yuan Zong until he was properly seated, Xia Yao standing in front of him.

Till now he didn’t dare to speak. Instead, he continued to watch Xia Yao, as if it would bring him answers he sought but didn’t dare to ask for.

With a grunt, Xia Yao pulled off his trousers and tossed them aside, before kneeling right in front of Yuan Zong, who opened his legs automatically. Only seconds later, the implication seemed to catch up with him as his eyes widened in shock.

“Xia Yao ...”, he started, his hand at Xia Yao’s shoulder as if he wanted to push him away, “You ... I ...”

Slowly, his eyes still fixated on Yuan Zong, Xia Yao took the hand into his and brought it to his mouth. He kissed the rough palm, which stored so much strength, did such a good job at protecting people, protecting him. Continuing, he kissed every finger, enjoying the tremble and heat, the knowledge of Yuan Zong’s vanishing reluctance.

He wouldn’t do what Yuan Zong didn’t want, but he had a feeling the man was once more ready to deny himself his own wishes and desires.

So, while he was busy kissing those very fingers, which had just jerked him off, he opened Yuan Zong’s pants with practised ease, the fastening breath music to his ears.

Xia Yao had never blown anyone, but he had read about it, of course, Yuan Zong in his mind and desire in his bones. He had wanted to try for some time, but it hadn’t felt right. They hadn’t felt ready and he had pushed it aside for later.

Well, later was now.

Ready to move on, Xia Yao placed Yuan Zong’s hands at his own cheek, as if he needed to give him a direction, a place to hold on to. As if he needed to give him permission.

Those fingers he had caressed just now, held on to his neck, his hair as Xia Yao started kissing and licking the hot length in front of him, playing with it like it was an experiment. An experiment to get Yuan Zong to lose his mind, let go of his damn control, make him moan.
Make him moan so loud, everyone would know.
Would know Yuan Zong wasn’t available anymore.
Would know he was Xia Yao’s with every single strand of his hair. Would know he was only letting loose in front of Xia Yao, no one else.

What a pity, he thought in between, Yuan Zong’s length heavy in his mouth, no one was left in the building tonight.

He’d just have to do it again...

Urgent fingers suddenly prodded at his cheek, making him look up to see Yuan Zong try to articulate something, anything. Letting go of his erection, Xia Yao leaned up, following the leading hand until their lips were connected once more in a desperate kiss, right before Yuan Zong buried his face in Xia Yao’s neck. When the big man shuddered as if he was just breaking apart, Xia Yao held him tightly, his heart on his tongue but no words left.

Instead, he kissed the top of his head and pulled him closer until he was calm once more.

When Yuan Zong pulled back, there was a wondering look in his eyes, as well as a soft but vulnerable smile on his lips.

Xia Yao no longer needed anyone to see or hear him. As long as he had those precious moments, this treasure in his arms, he’d be happy.

This time, when Xia Yao moved in for another kiss, Yuan Zong did the same.




Nervously, Xia Yao looked at the man in the doorway, smiling openly and tenderly as if he wasn’t a former soldier and certified badass.


He follower Yuan Zong inside, staring at his back with wonder.

Ever since the moment in the office, Yuan Zong had changed. He’d become softer somehow. Happier as well, if his omnipresent smiles were anything to go by. He’d started initiating even more contact as if he dared to go for what he desired finally. No longer putting Xia Yao’s desires first all the time, but showing his own as well.

For Xia Yao it felt as if he was holding a vulnerable vase in his hands, about to break if he breathed wrong.
He even stopped teasing so much, afraid he might accidentally hit Yuan Zong, make him pull up his walls once more.

Never had anyone before put so much trust into him, had shown him his bare self in such a way. So ... mortal.

He’d been used to be loved and cared for, yes. But it had always been different. His parents had pampered him, ready to forgive him with a joke and a smile. Same as Da Yu.

And yes, Yuan Zong had pampered him as well till now. He was still doing so, cooking for him, caring with an intensity, which gave Xia Yao shivers.

But it was also something else. Something more.

Instead of only making sure he was as comfortable as possible, Yuan Zong gave him the opportunity to slash his heart. Openly. With a smile.

Suddenly he knew he had to tread lightly, be careful with what he’d received. This open, vulnerable love in his hands. Without them even talking about it, it had happened.

Xia Yao was no longer the one who could do what he wants and be forgiven any longer. No. Yuan Zong had lifted him to be an equal partner in this equation. Someone he, Yuan Zong wanted to trust and lean at.

It was what Xia Yao had always wanted and yearned for. To break out of the cage of being the coddled son who couldn’t do anything wrong.

Now, he had gotten what he’d wanted. Suddenly, as if someone had pushed him off a cliff, he was being perceived as a partner. A person who was responsible for his own consequences.
A man.

It frightened him.

It frightened him as much as it excited him. As it made him happy.

He’d always done what he wanted. Would he fuck this up? Was he ready to have this responsibility? Or would he end up hurting Yuan Zong with no way to make it up?
Would he cut off the hand which was leading him into the apartment right now?

He stared at it, feeling the warmth in a new way.

He wouldn’t let go, even if he was afraid. He’d certainly not push Yuan Zong away, but try his best to care for the man who’d chosen him to be his lover. To be the person who was allowed to see him vulnerable, who had access to his weakest spots.

Xia Yao gripped this precious hand tighter.

He didn’t know what had brought the change to Yuan Zong, but he’d appreciate it none the less.

The man turned slightly to look at him, the open, honest smile still in place.

Had he really proposed to look for a girlfriend for him? Xia Yao wanted to kick his past self and ask him if he was prepared to experience it. To watch or even imagine Yuan Zong with someone else like that. But his past self couldn’t even have imagined Yuan Zong in love. Honestly in love. Only as a stoic, protective lover.

And even this Yuan Zong wasn’t one Xia Yao wanted to share or look at from a distance.

“Are you okay?”

Yuan Zong, apparently surprised by the question, nodded before pulling Xia Yao into a hug in the living room. The moment they touched, Yuan Zong seemed to sink into Xia Yao’s embrace as if he wasn’t the taller, stronger and older one.

Xia Yao enjoyed the moment as well, calming down with Yuan Zong’s heartbeat so close to his own.
Yes, he’d hold on to this, as long as he could.

“How are you?”

Yuan Zong straightened his back again to look at Xia Yao properly and brush a strand of hair out of his face.

“Did you eat enough? Drank enough water?”

The questions made Xia Yao giggle in this nervous way, when it is getting too much.

“Yes. No dinner though”, he finally answered with a wink.

“Good”, Yuan Zong seemed almost proud, “Because I have something special planned for you.”

Xia Yao lifted his eyebrows expectantly. What would it be? There had been special dishes for him the last few days he had been over. So many in fact, they had always only been able to chill on the sofa afterwards, cuddling and watching TV.

It had almost felt like their first nights together, devoid of sexual tension. Almost. If they hadn’t been close and soft all the time, peppered kisses in between their words, smiles ready on their lips.

Only two weeks ago, Xia Yao would have been afraid it would have meant Yuan Zong didn’t want this anymore. This. Him.

But now, there was no fear. Not with the way Yuan Zong embraced him, kissed him, held his hand. Not with the attention he was showered with, making him feel special in a completely new way.

But today, Yuan Zong didn’t lead him into the kitchen, but into the bedroom.

Was he sleepy? Did he want to take a nap? Or was he taking the initiative again?

Excitement gripped Xia Yao’s heart as they walked through the door, hand in hand.
Even this bit of their relationship was different now, without the urgency of past months, as if someone could come in. As if either of them could change their mind and realise, suddenly, what they were doing here. As if they had to have sex in the middle of the night like some kind of secret.

Now, they moved slowly as they went inside and Yuan Zong directed Xia Yao towards the bed with gentle pushes. But before Xia Yao could sit down, the bed behind his knees, Yuan Zong pulled him into a kiss.

It was a slow one as well, open-mouthed and deep, as if Yuan Zong wanted to remember Xia Yao with every fibre of his being.

If anything was sexy, this was it, Xia Yao decided. He was being seduced right now, even if Yuan Zong didn’t have to go so hard, Xia Yao being a ready participant in any way. But he enjoyed it, revelled in the attention, the slowly heating arousal as they kissed and stripped, their clothes carelessly being dropped on the ground.

His mind in a daze, Xia Yao only realised what Yuan Zong had planned when he was lying on the bed, his head close to the end, with Yuan Zong looming over him with a hungry smirk.

Something was different. Not off, but ... sudden hands at his erection made him jerk up his hips, the heat suddenly way more pressing than it had been seconds earlier.

What ...

The condom which was being rolled onto his length was a real surprise, even though it shouldn’t have been. Yuan Zong had promised, hadn’t he? Promised and begged.

He stared and watched as those skilful fingers finished the job and Yuan Zong positioned himself the way he wanted.


Yuan Zong froze and their eyes met.

“We need to prepare you”, Xia Yao suddenly exclaimed, remembering the feeling of the first time he’d shoved something up there, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

The relief washing over Yuan Zong was clearly visible. Arching his eyebrow, he let out a huff: “What do you think I did today?”

He had done the same.
Xia Yao had done exactly the same, but to know Yuan Zong had done it as well today was something completely different. He knew he was blushing from head to toe, the heat in his cheeks matching the one which happened everywhere Yuan Zong was touching.

“You ...”


Now it was Yuan Zong who was smirking as he leaned closer and started peppering kisses all over Xia Yao’s face, wandering along his throat down to his chest, still holding his hips up. So close ...

You didn’t have to do it?
You shouldn’t have done it?
You ...

What exactly did he want to say?

Did he want to say anything at all? Except putting words to the way his mind had just been blown? Just from foreplay? No, just from Yuan Zong’s words?


With more force than necessary and despite his burning face, he pulled Yuan Zong’s face up again, into another kiss, heated and desperate and so full of feelings he couldn’t articulate right now.

Thank you.

I love you.

I want you in my life forever.

If you dare to let me go, I will haunt you.

Well, maybe one day he would articulate them. Maybe even later, but for now it would have to be this kiss. And his hands at Yuan Zong’s neck and Yuan Zong’s hips, leading him lower and lower. His hands at Yuan Zong’s erection, distracting him from whatever discomfort might hit him, even though he was all but moaning and breathing hard, haggardly, no sign of pain.

When they were finally merged, Yuan Zong sitting on top of Xia Yao, both with expressions of wonder, staring at each other as if they couldn’t believe this was real, happiness bubbled up in Xia Yao. To be inside of Yuan Zong, to feel him so close, have his hips to hold on to. To see him be affected in such a new way was more than he could contain.

Giggling and smiling, he leaned up and pressed kisses to Yuan Zong’s chest and throat and shoulder, the corner of his mouth.

Yuan Zong moaned, thanks to the movement, and held on to Xia Yao even more, at a loss for the moment.

Slowly, Xia Yao started to move, soothing and kissing until Yuan Zong was following his suit, their bodies joining a shared, messy rhythm. Their hands and lips were everywhere, marking and touching, desperate for anything and everything.

When the climax hit, Xia Yao wasn’t sure he was breathing any longer as he held on to Yuan Zong for his life.
And when he helped Yuan Zong afterwards, jerking him off while he was still in his lap, he could only watch him in wonder and love, his own chest lifting and falling in the same rhythm.

They kissed again, still breathless but smiling, exhausted and with racing pulses.
They kissed until they were calm once more and their lips were moving almost lazily, their bodies still joined.

Yuan Zong winced as he moved away and Xia Yao knew, his hands supporting and soothing until Yuan Zong was lying beside him.

“I should wash up”, the man smiled shyly but Xia Yao shook his head, “I’m going to get everything. Just stay still, okay?”

For a moment, Yuan Zong seemed as if he wanted to protest, but Xia Yao was already on his wait, out of the bed and into the bathroom.

If he was being trusted like this, loved like this, he would take full responsibility to care for Yuan Zong. To make him feel good and make him feel protected.

It was still a bit embarrassing for both of them, this change of position and role reversal. Usually, Xia Yao would start rambling while Yuan Zong would help him clean, tease the man and make them both laugh quietly. Now, they were rather silent as Xia Yao concentrated on the magnificent body of his lover in a completely new way.

Lover ...

He looked up to see Yuan Zong half asleep, obviously exhausted. But that wasn’t what was so mind-blowing to him. No, what shook Xia Yao to the core, was that Yuan Zong trusted him enough, again, to fall asleep right at this moment, before him, in front of him, after what they had done.

It almost made Xia Yao cry. Almost ...

Later, after a few hours of sleep, Yuan Zong would wake up with a jerk to run into the kitchen, where dinner was waiting, cold and forgotten now. Sleepily, Xia Yao would follow and smile when he’d see the obvious distress.

“It’s okay, we can eat it now”, he’d say while leaning against Yuan Zong, pressing a thankful kiss to his shoulder.

“But ...”, Yuan Zong was losing his calm and it was kind of adorable. Adorable enough for Xia Yao to hug him from behind, even though he couldn’t see properly anymore.

“Give me food”, he demanded and it worked well enough.

They sat down in their shorts, bare chests, legs entangling and as relaxed as they had never been before.

Xia Yao took a piece of meat out of the bowl and into Yuan Zong’s, stunning the man effectively. He looked from Xia Yao to his food and back.

“You ...”

Xia Yao shrugged as if he wasn’t nervous to say those next words: “Let me care a bit for my lover and partner, will you?”

It was silent, Yuan Zong staring at him for long, stretching moments and Xia Yao stared back, trying to be the rock in the storm for once, giving Yuan Zong the security he needed.

Finally, Yuan Zong looked down again and Xia Yao could swear his face was darkening, as well as his chest. His knee was pressing against Xia Yao’s with more force though.


“Life long partner, if you want to.”

“Won’t you be bored with an old man like me?”

Self-deprecation didn’t fit Yuan Zong usually, but Xia Yao could guess where this was coming from. Even if it was said in a light tone of voice as if he didn’t dare to make it more serious.

“I don’t know. Will you suddenly change into someone boring?”

Yuan Zong’s eyes were on him in a second and Xia Yao laughed as he reached out to cup Yuan Zong’s face. It almost felt as if their roles were reversed once more.

“Not if you let me care for you”, he murmured, letting his thumb stroke those magnificent cheekbones, “And if you continue to care for me.”

“Who came and switched you with the arrogant brat I know?”

Yuan Zong grumbled, but he also leaned into Xia Yao’s palm, making him laugh, with his heart on his tongue.

“He’ll be back tomorrow, don’t worry.”

“Good”, Yuan Zong turned to place a kiss on his hand, “For tonight I am going to keep you.”

And Xia Yao Yao had never been as excited for the future as he was now.

“I won’t let you go”, he threatened, “You’re now stuck with me, my love.”


the End