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If there was one thing Arthit would take back, it would be that one night. The one night when he thought everything was fine in the world and then it's not.

That night was a few hours ago, it was now dawn. He was pacing in the while corridor, tears flowing down his cheeks, and his heart broken into a million pieces.

It should have been me.

It should have been me.

It should have been me.

His hands, stained with blood, holding his phone, as he put it on his ear, lips trembling and legs are shaking, “Hello, M-Mae?”

“Arthit? What’s wrong, why are you crying?”

“M-Mae, it’s K-Kongpob.”

Arthit explained the situation, his voice was breaking in between. His mind was clouded, and all he could think about was Kongpob.

It should have been me.


A Few Hours Ago


“Hey P’Arthit, you know what?” Kongpob asked, looking at him with a smile as they walked down the sidewalk, hand in hand.

“What?” Arthit looked at him curiously.

“What if we get married someday?”

“Kongpob!” Arthit flushed red, sending him a glare.

“What? I was just asking a question!” the younger laughed, finding it adorable how Arthit didn’t refute the question and just remained flustered.

Truth be told, Arthit was thinking about this for a while now. They knew they’re still in their early careers, and are just on the path to have a stable income, but Arthit’s mind would always wander to the depths of their relationship. Of course, he wanted to marry him. But he never once mentioned it to Kongpob, afraid he would drive the man away. But that clearly wasn’t the case.

“Why did you suddenly bring this up now?”

Kongpob gave him a sheepish smile, “It was just a random thought,” he paused for a moment, “So, what do you think?”

“I…” Arthit looked at him, “I mean I’ve thought about it.”

“I would definitely marry you in a heartbeat, P’Arthit.”

The older looked at him in surprise, then he felt his face feel hot, “Me too.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, Kongpob squeezed Arthit’s hand, beaming at him. Arthit felt shy under Kongpob’s gaze but he honestly loved it that he was the only person Kongpob looked at like that like he was the whole world and Kongpob only saw him.

But then, as if time stopped, he saw a blinding light from the corner of his eye. A loud blaring horn was heard, and he felt his arm being yanked backward and his body being pushed so hard he fell a few feet away.

And then, a crash.

He couldn’t think, he couldn’t feel anything, his body was frozen.

Some people were now crowding around him. What was happening? What happened?

There it was again, a loud blaring sound.



He forced himself up and he heard the people speak, “Khun are you okay?”

“Kong. Kongpob!” Arthit ran, in a state of panic. He ran to the other crowd of people, inspecting and looking at someone in the center.


Arthit pushed through the people and saw his boyfriend, his lover, Kongpob, sprawled on the pavement, under a truck. His head was bleeding on the concrete, his arm and leg crushed under the wheels, his chest was barely rising and falling.

“Kongpob!” Arthit started to cry, wanting to take Kongpob in his arms, but his mind told him to not move an inch as it may just cause more damage to his body.

Kongpob was unconscious, his eyes were closed, and his land limp. The people were starting to have a panicked discussion, someone was already calling an ambulance. The driver was also passed out inside the vehicle, his head bleeding from the broken windshield glass and the impact.

The truck crashed into a pole.

Arthit took Kongpob’s hands in his and held his face, feeling the red liquid on his skin, “Oh my god, Kong. Kongpob, wake up.”

“Kong! Wake up.”

“Wake up.”

“Stay with me, Kong.”






Arthit sat on the seat, sobbing. Alone, in his blood-stained shirt, his wet cheeks, and devastation he didn’t know he could ever feel.

I can’t live without you, Kongpob.

He cried, and cried, and cried. Sometimes it was just tears falling, and others, he was loudly crying, like a kid.

They were just talking about getting married. And a few moments later, he saw his world ending.

We are supposed to grow old together, Kong.

He cried until he was numb until he can’t feel anything anymore. The operating room’s door had never opened since he saw his boyfriend disappearing inside it. And he truly felt like he couldn’t let out any tears anymore but they just kept coming.

It should have been me.

He should have seen it coming, he should have heard Kongpob’s shout, he should have been the one bleeding on the sidewalk, not him.

Arthit didn’t even notice the doctor coming in, and putting a hand on his shoulder.


He looked up and immediately stood, “How is he? Tell me please.”

“He’s fine now. Stable. There were no serious brain injuries, thankfully. We had to fix several fractures on his leg and his arm, but other than that, he’s going to be fine.”

Then, Arthit couldn’t hear anymore.

Everything that happened after was just a blur, a big mess. He felt like he was dead to the world like he was lifeless. His mind refused to let him feel relief.

It should have been me.

Eventually, he was led into Kongpob’s hospital room. Kongpob’s parents have not yet arrived, and Arthit just sat beside Kongpob’s bed, still crying as he held his hand. A few minutes later, he felt Kongpob stir, as his fingers twitched. He was told by the doctor that he would be waking up soon, and his mind will be foggy, he may not even remember what happened.


“P’Arthit?” a raspy voice greeted him, and he felt tears fall from his eyes as he sighed, kissing Kongpob’s fingers, “Kong, I’m here.”

“Are you… okay, P’? Did I… push… you too hard?”

Look at what his idiot is saying after he went and got himself hit by a truck. Arthit wanted to smack him, even though he was still sobbing like a baby, “Kongpob, you’re the one who got hit. I’ll page the doctor. You should drink some water.”

Arthit quickly wiped his tears and pushed the button. Soon, the doctor and the nurses came into the room, and Arthit gave him space, quietly listening to the doctor’s assessment.

When the doctors left, Arthit went back to his side, and he figured Kongpob was sleeping. He bent down and kissed Kongpob’s bruised cheek, and as if he wasn’t crying for hours, tears still came pouring, as he whispered, “It should have been me.”

“I would have done this again if the situation repeats.”

Arthit gasped in shock, as Kongpob grabbed Arthit’s hand, his eyes wide open and filled with a look of anger and heartbreak.


“Don’t you ever think for a second that you should have been the one in my place.”

“Kongpob, I—”

“I would do anything to protect you, P’Arthit. Even if it means taking a hit.”

“Kong, I’m sorry,” Arthit sobbed, kissing his palm, “I can’t help but think about this. You should not have done that.”

“Don’t you think you would do the same thing for me if the tables turned?” Kongpob asked, tears pooling in his eyes.

“Yes, I would, in a heartbeat.”

“Then please, stop crying and blaming yourself. I’m still here, aren’t I?” Kongpob held Arthit’s cheek, brushing away his tears with his thumb.

Arthit let out a small smile, sniffling. He went and leaned in, placing a soft kiss on Kongpob’s lips, “I love you.”

Kongpob smiled back, “I love you too, P’Arthit.”