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McGonnagal: The band assignments for the end of year showcase are as follows:

James Potter, Sirius Black, Marlene McKinnon, and Mary Macdonald

 

Lily Evans, Remus Lupin, Dorcas Meadowes, and Emmeline Vance

 

Kingsley Shacklebolt, Hestia Jones, Benjy Fenwick, and Caradoc Dearborn

 

Severus Snape, Emma Vanity, Regulus Black, and Bartemus Crouch Jr.

 

Our student event coordinator and stage manager will be Peter Pettigrew.

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

Marauders

 

Wormy: I can’t believe McG actually put you two in the same band

 

Prongs: I KNOW!! IM SO STOKED!!

 

Moony: Poor woman she’s finally lost it

 

Pads: oh hush Moony we’ll be the best band to ever grace the Hogwarts stage

 

I mean we have Marlene McKinnon for Christ sake

 

have you heard her sing? almost makes me reconsider my sexuality

 

but enough about the best band known to mankind how do you feel about your assignment Moony?

 

Moony: Really good actually.

 

Lils may rival Marlene for best singer at Hogwarts and Dorcas plays drums like nobody’s goddamn business. I don’t know Emmeline too well but I’m sure she’s great on bass.

 

Prongs: waits Moony you’re with Lily Evans?

Moony: umm yeah

 

Prongs: this Lily Evans?

Moony: that would be her yes

Prongs: THAT WOMAN IS MY SOULMATE

 

Pads: I thought Fab Prewwet was your soulmate?

 

Prongs: not anymore he doesn’t like Olivia Rodrigo

 

Pads: HEATHEN!! you’re better off without him

 

Moony: well as fun as this was I’ve got to go talk to my band

 

Prongs: tell Lily she’s a goddess and I love her

 

Moony: jfc

 

 

Lily Evans started a new chat

Lily added Remus Lupin

Lily added Dorcas Meadowes

Lily added Emmeline Vance

 

Lily: hey loves I know most of us know each other or at least know of each other but I think we should introduce ourselves.

 

so say your name pronouns major and favorite artist

 

I’ll go first! I’m Lily she/her I’m a vocal major and a Swifty through and through

 

Emmeline: Ahhh yes Lils Taylor is my queen

 

I’m Emmeline she/her I’m a guitar and bass major with a focus on bass and I’m a ho for Hozier

 

Remus: god Em if I was at all interested in woman I’d marry you right now

 

I’m Remus he/him I’m a guitar major and my favorite band is Bombay Bicycle Club

 

Dorcas: I guess I’m next hey y’all I’m Dorcas she/they please! I’m a percussion major and I love Mitski and Phoebe Bridgers. I promise I’m not as depressed as I sound

 

Lily: yay! I’m so excited for this showcase

 

Sirius Black started a new chat

Sirius added James Potter

Sirius added Marlene McKinnon

Sirius added Mary Macdonald

Sirius named chat BEST BAND EVER

 

Sirius: just wanted to make a chat for the best band in the world

 

we all know each other so need for that icebreaker bullshit

 

we’re gonna smash it!!!

 

I’ve actually got some lyrics written

 

Mary: oooh yes let’s hear em

 

Sirius: ok I was thinking something like

 

The green in your eyes

Are like the leaves in the summer

And it changes with the weather

The pink in your cheeks

When you slightly lose your temper

Makes me love you even more

And if there was a place that I had to choose

Or a memory, that faith, that I cannot lose

If there was a place that I could call home

Before I die, you oughta know

It'd be in your arms tonight

It'd be in your arms tonight

 

Brothers from another mother

 

Prongs: is that....?

 

Pads: yes prongs it’s about Moony

 

Prongs: oh.

Chapter Text

 


Remus: AQRYDDREDBOUPUBYUN

 

HOW?!

 

He’s so fucking hot and for what James?!

 

Prongs: god not this again

 

look Moony I love you but I don’t know why you can’t just talk to him

 

Moony: HA prongs you crack me up

 

anyways I’m gonna go write breakup songs for I guy I’ve never dated laterz

 

Prongs: jfc

 

Lily Remus Dorcas & Emmeline

 

Remus: hey guys I’ve been working on some lyrics we could maybe use for one of our showcase songs should I send it over?

 

Lily: yes!!

 

Remus: ok this is all I have so far

 

There's not a bone in my body that's not weak for you

Well if you find one let me know

I can still feel the way you hold me next to you

And I don't want to feel it anymore

 

But if you didn't ever touch me that way just know I know I wouldn't be the same

If you never put your love in my brain just know I'll know

 

That I'm weighed down by your beautiful

Collapsing underneath your perfect

Drowning in your wonderful

And I'm letting you sink in

It's, it's almost unbearable

I'm suffering inside your magic

Love you something terrible

And I'm letting you sink in

And I'm letting you sink in

 

Lily: wow.

 

Dorcas: ok that’s absolutely gorgeous rem but fucking hell who hurt you

 

Emmeline: yeah babes do you need a hug I’m pretty sure we’re on the same floor

 

Remus: lol guys I’m fine it’s just based on this book I’ve been reading recently

 

Emmeline: mmhmmmmm sure

 

Lily: we totally believe you love

 

Dorcas: well either way I’m coming over we’re gonna make chocolate cookies and cry over *book characters*

 

Lily: oohhh yes band bonding can I come?

 

Emmeline: if it’s an open invite I’m down

 

Remus: ok but beware I live with three other smelly boys

 

Marauders

 

Prongs: REMUS HOW ABSOLUTELY DARE YOU?!?

 

I come home a sweaty smelly overall disgusting mess from rugby practice my headphones still in and my glasses off so I can’t see and I walk head first into the love of my life

 

how could you not warn me she was coming over?

 

Moony: more fun this way

 

Pads: I have to agree with Moony on this one the way you ran out of the room was just too funny

 

Prongs: how dare you mock my pain

 

Lily Remus Dorcas & Emmeline

 

Lily: ahh these cookies are fantastic dorco you’re a baking genius

 

Dorcas: *removes chefs hat and bows humbly*

 

Emmeline: thanks for having us rem you’re flatmates are so sweet

 

Lily: that one with the glasses is a bit *odd* though

 

Remus: lol James is a sweetheart he just gets flustered really easy

 

Lily: ok that’s kind of adorable

 

well anyways band practice tomorrow at 3

 

Remus: yup!

 

Emmeline: yes!

 

Dorcas: yes ma’am!

 

Lily: great see you then loves

 

 

Marlene and Remus

marls: hey hey hey Remus....

 

remus: *sighs* yes I’ll give you Dorcas’ number

 

Chapter Text

Astroboys

 

Star: hey Moony?

 

Moon: pads it’s 3am what do you want

 

Star: nothing nvm

 

Moon: fuck I’m sorry I’m just so tired I shouldn’t have snapped what do you need

 

Star: i had a pretty horrible nightmare I was wondering if you could come lay with me

 

maybe bring one of your books you could read to me til I fall asleep

 

Moon: of course on my way

Brothers from another mother

 

Prongs: so...

 

Padfoot: shut up

 

Astroboys

 

Star: hey moooooony

 

moonbeam

 

moonboy?!

 

Moon: yes pads

 

Star: i wrote some lyrics but i don’t know if I like them would you mind giving me some feedback

 

Moony: sure shoot

 

Star: ok so all i have is a chorus

 

if you want you could stay with me in my bed

if you want to only if you want to

if you want you could go ahead and fix my head

if you want to only if you want to

use some pesticides and throw it my brain

if you want to only if you want to

nightmares keep up at night and I’m going insane

if they try to only if try to

 

Moon: ok first of all wow

 

way to go letting the trauma fuel the music

 

but also I think that last line is a little literal maybe try a metaphor there instead

 

Star: ooh ok how bout bedbugs keep me up at night and I’m going insane

 

Moon: ya that’s awesome pads

 

but ya know you could idk try taking medication or maybe talking to someone

 

Star: but then what would i write about moonshine?

 

Moon: right of course forget i suggested anything

 

 

Lily Remus Dorcas&Emmeline

 

Remus: hey i couldn’t sleep last night so i wrote some more lyrics should I send them?

 

Lily: yes yes yes yes

 

Remus: ok but don’t get too excited i wrote them at 3am their probably crap

 

And tell me how you are

And I'll write a song for every feeling I can't name

Like we were dancing in a fucking blood ballet

It was a massacre

How'd you get away

'Cause oh, good heavens we abided by the night

But there are darker things than the absence of light

And they still creak through our halls

I would build a city out of you and me

There would be crime, but still a local grocery

If you'd stay

If you'd stay

Darling, just a little while

Darling, just a little while

Darling, just a little while

 

Lily and Remus

 

Lily: those lyrics wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with a certain boy who made you read him a bedtime story would they

 

Remus: absolutely not

 

Lily: mhmmmm

 

Remus: ughhhh

 

idk Lils he’s just been through so much and it’s like he’s still holding onto it and I just want to hold him and tell him  everything is gonna be ok

 

Lily: oooh rem you’ve really got it bad

 

Remus: i do i really really do

Chapter Text

Marauders

 

Prongs: Alright men

 

today marks the start of Halloween week

 

not just any Halloween week but our final one as hogwarts students

 

we will not be properly living up to our glorious marauding reputations if we don’t go out with a bang

 

so this year we must throw the Halloween party to end all Halloween parties

 

Padfoot: here here!!

 

Moony: yes I need to get properly shitfaced

 

Padfoot: only you Moony would use the words properly and shitfaced in the same sentence

 

Wormy: i’m in! i’ve been wanting a reason to make those Frankenstein cookies i saw on instagram

 

Prongs: grand! ours at 8 on Halloween?

 

pads and i can invite marls and mary

 

moony you can invite your bandmates

 

Moony: sure

 

Prongs: oh and pads invite reggie i miss him

 

Padfoot: only if you promise not to get pissed and snog him like you did last time

 

Prongs: ugh fine i’ll snog moony instead

 

Brothers from another mother

 

Padfoot: low fucking blow prongs

 

Lily Remus Dorcas&Emmeline

 

Remus: hey so my flatmates are throwing a Halloween party you’re all invited

 

Dorcas: dope i’m in

 

Remus: lol who says dope

 

Dorcas: i do

 

got a problem with that moon man?

 

Remus: suddenly i think dope is the coolest word in the english language

 

Lily: lmao me and em are in

 

Remus: cool

 

or should I say dope

 

Dorcas: yes you should

 

Black Plague

 

Siri: reggie!!

 

Reggie: wtf do you want

 

Siri: we’re having a Halloween party wanted to see if you could come

 

Reggie: will james be there 👀

 

Siri: STOP FLIRTING WITH MY OTHER BROTHER ITS JUST WEIRD

 

Reggie: fine i’ll just snog remus

 

Siri: aqfghugfv why is that everyone’s go to

 

Reggie: lmao yea i’ll be there

 

want me to invite my band?

 

Siri: don’t even joke snivellus is not allowed within 300 feet of the marauders lair

 

Reggie: lol see u then bruv

 

Best band ever

 

Sirius: Halloween party at me and Jamie’s flat be there or be ⬛️

 

Marlene: and why should i listen to you bitch boy?

 

Sirius: dorcas will be there

 

Marlene: should I bring anything or...

 

Mary: lmao I’m in

 

James: great and remember no costume no entry

 

Cooler than the marauders

 

Mare: are you guys going to james and sirius’ Halloween party?

 

Lils: yep!

 

Emm: mhmm

 

Marls: only to see the hot person in Remus’s band

 

Mare: ok what are you wearing

 

Lils: OH MY GOD IM SO EXCITED FOR MY COSTUME DRUMROLL PLEASE

 

Mare: 🥁🥁🥁

 

Marls: 🥁🥁🥁

 

Emm: 🥁🥁🥁

 

Lils:

Mare: ok get it ms.frizzle

 

Emm: yessss

 

Lils: thank you thank you

 

what about you guys?

 

Marls:

channeling Kiera knightly in pirates of the Caribbean

 

Mare: cute cute

 

ok my turn

 

Emm: yesss bitch get it

 

now I feel basic

 

 

Mare: it’s ok you’re still hot 🥵

 

Lils: no flirting in the group chat

 

Brothers from another mother

 

Padfoot: i can’t decide on a costume

 

Prongs: prongs potter costume expert at your service

 

Padfoot: ok option 1

and option 2

Prongs: definitely option 2

 

Padfoot: ok ok thanks babes

 

Prongs: anytime

 

Best band ever

 

Mary: me marls lily and emm are on our way

 

Lily Remus Dorcas&Emmeline

 

Dorcas: omw

 

Lily: us too!

 

Astroboys

 

Star: mooiooby you loik so prwtty

 

Moon: lol pads ur drunk

 

Star: no your jyst hoy

 

*hit

 

*hot

 

see toyalky siver

 

Moon: ok give me a second im getting you water

 

Cooler than the marauders

 

Lils: jsmes is kunds cute

 

Mare: ooh grt it luls

 

Marls: just made out with the prettiest person ever and I’m not even drunk suck it bitches

 

Prongs and Moony Inc.

 

Moony: i think i did something really stupid

 

Brothers from another mother

 

Padfoot: i think i did something really stupid

Chapter Text

Astroboys

 

Star: mooiooby you loik so prwtty

 

Moon: lol pads ur drunk

 

Star: no your jyst hoy

 

*hit

 

*hot

 

see toyalky siver

 

Moon: ok give me a second im getting you water

 

Remus left his comfortable spot on the sofa next to Dorcas with a lame apology and went in search of Sirius. He found him in the kitchen shot glass in hand laughing loudly with his hand on Kingsley Shacklebolt’s forearm.

 

A sudden surge of jealousy and protectiveness overcame him as he walked over carefully removed Sirius’s hand looked Kingsley straight in the eye and said “No”. He then grabbed two bottles of water from the case by the door and gently lead the other boy away from the kitchen and in his to bedroom.

 

“Moony are you finally going to have your way with me?” Sirius asked as Remus sat him on the bed. Remus tutted and shook his head but there was a fond smile playing on his lips. He walked into the adjoining bathroom to grab the bottle of paracetamol.

 

“Take one now to stave off the headache and sober you up a bit. And I expect you to drink both of these bottles of water” he said in his best imitation of James “you can go back out there if you want but I’m cutting you off for the night”.

 

Sirius shook his head as if Remus had said something remarkably stupid “Why would I want to be out there when I could be in here with you?” He said sounding almost entirely sober and so incredibly sincere it made Remus’s heart flutter.

 

“Ok pads I’ll grab us some food to dry you up and then how bout we watch some parks and rec?” Sirius nodded vehemently making Remus promise to grab some of Pete’s Frankenstein cookies and laid his head on the pillow.

 

When Remus had returned with some sandwiches and whole plate of cookies Sirius had setup the episode with the snake juice saying he thought it seemed fitting.

 

They sat there on the bed and watched at least 10 episodes as Sirius’s words slowly became clearer and he edged ever closer to sobriety. “Ya know Moony you remind me of Ben” Sirius said about 9 1/2 episodes in.

 

Remus groaned “Oh god I hope that’s a compliment but it really doesn’t sound like one” he responded laughter evident in his tone.

 

“Oh it is. Ben’s so smart and sensible but he can loosen up and have fun when he wants to. Not to mention he’s downright sexy”

 

Remus snorted “yeah well that’s where he and I differ”.

 

Sirius looked him in the eye all traces of humor and alcohol induced fog gone from his face. “I don’t think so. I don’t think so at all” he said leaning closer.

 

Suddenly too hot and cooped up in the room Remus pushed himself off the bed adjusting his collar. “You should get some rest pads or you’ll really hate yourself tomorrow.” He said and headed for the door. Behind him he heard Sirius call out Moony but he was already gone.

Chapter Text

Astroboys

 

Star: So last night

 

Moon: pads i know you. you get flirty when you’re drunk there’s no need to apologize.

 

i know it didn’t mean anything you would’ve done the same with James or Pete

 

Star: oh yeh right

 

well im still sorry

 

i mean i would never flirt with you sober lol

 

Moon: hah yea as if right

 

Star: so we’re good?

 

Moon: yup. all good.

 

 

Marauders

 

Prongs: ahhh what a beautiful day

 

how are my fellow marauders on this fine morn

 

Wormy: i think there’s vomit INSIDE my shoes

 

Padfoot: prongs would you be a deer (haha) and shut the fuck up for the foreseeable future

 

Prongs: no such luck my darling padfoot

 

you see last night i had a truly amazing encounter with the enchanting Lily Evans

 

I’ll admit it would have been even more pleasant if she were slightly less pissed but I digress

 

so this morning i propose our dear Moony form a group chat with us and all his lovely band mates

 

pads and i will add Mary and Marls too

 

Moony: errrrr why can’t you do it

too early

need coffee

 

Prongs: ahh but see my beloved moonshine i anticipated this there is coffee and a triple chocolate muffin waiting for you

 

Moony: you James Potter are a saint

 

Prongs: but first you must put me in a group chat with the love of my life

 

Moony: you maniacal little bastard

 

Prongs: love youuuuu

 

Remus created a new chat

Remus added James

Remus added Sirius

Remus added Peter

Remus added Dorcas

Remus added Lily

Remus added Emmeline

Sirius added Mary

Sirius added Marlene

 

James: hello my lovelies as most of you know I’m James Potter I hosted the epic party you all attended last night

 

I had a great time meeting and hanging out with you so i had our darling Remus create a group chat

 

so how’s bout we introduce ourselves name pronouns fun fact and Instagram?

 

Marlene: god you’re like a middle school English teacher

 

James: incredibly charismatic good listener and father figure to young queer students hell ya I am

 

Marlene: christ fine i’ll go first Marlene she/her  my insta is @marls.mck and my fun fact is I made out with the hottest person

 

Mary: really? i don’t remember the two of us making out

 

Sirius: sorry marls but that definitely didn’t happen I’m very very gay

 

Marlene: fuck you both i was referring to this goddess over here @dorcas

Dorcas: awe thanks babes but i beg to differ. it was in fact i who made out with the hottest person in the group chat

 

i mean come on look at her

 

anyway I’m Dorcas I use she/they my insta is @dorkymeadowes and my funfact is I own every mitski and phoebe album on vinyl

 

Mary: you good babes?

 

Dorcas: better now that i got to make out with your best friend

 

James: lmao ok I’ll go next as I said I’m James I use he/him my Instagram @j_prongs_potter and my fun fact is i raise unhealthy baby deer back to health when I’m home for the summer

 

Cooler than the marauders

 

Lils: ummm what??

 

you’re not allowed to look like this

and care about animals what the fuck is he playing at

 

Mare: awwwe lily’s got a crush

 

Lils: shhhhh

 

Remus James Sirius Peter Lily Dorcas Emmeline Marlene and Mary

 

Lily: aw how sweet

 

I’ll go next Im Lily I use she/her pronouns my Instagram is @lilyevans and my fun fact is I’ve seen Taylor Swift in concert 5 times

 

Sirius: LILY EVANS YOU ARE MY SOULMATE

 

sorry prongs im stealing your girl

 

James: umm not my girl lol don’t know why you’d say that

 

Sirius: right right

 

not like you were talking to her and no one else all night

 

Peter: and u didn’t spill your drink on her once! progress

 

Mary: lmao I’ll go next I’m Mary the actual hottest person in the group chat she/her @marymacdonaldhadafarm and my fun fact is ive made out with all the girls in the chat and Sirius

 

Sirius: and without you i never would’ve realized women absolutely do not do it for me so im forever in your debt

 

ill go next im Sirius he/they @siriuslyhot and my funfact is that Moony’s dad was my gay awakening

 

Remus: WHAT THE FUCK?!!?

 

ewwwwww oh god why

 

James: ngl moons Lyall is a dilf

 

Peter: he’s literally just Remus with gray hair and reading glasses

 

James: exactly

 

Emmeline: im so confused by you 4’s relationship lol

 

I’ll go next Im emmeline she/her @emmy_vance and my fun fact is that i actually made out with the hottest person in the group chat last night @Mary

 

Lily: WHAT NOW!?!?

 

Marls: fucking finally the flirting was too fucking much

 

Peter: relatable content

 

im Peter he/him @theratking and my funfact is I’ve seen ratatouille 347 times

 

Remus: it’s true I was there for 346 of them

 

Im Remus he/him @remymoonman and my funfact is that I relate way too heavily to Ben Wyatt

 

Astroboys

 

Star: so you took some of what i said last night siriusly

 

Moon: maybe a bit

 

Chapter Text

Unknown Number & Sirius Black

 

Unknown: Hey Sirius its Kingsley I don’t know if you remember but you gave me your number at the party the other night

 

Sirius changed unknown number to Kingsley

 

Sirius: oh hey yea i was a bit pissed but im glad you reached out

 

Kingsley: me too I’ve been trying to chat you up since year 9 lmao

 

Sirius: really?!

 

Kingsley: ummm babes have you seen yourself

 

Marauders

 

Padfoot: KINGSLEY SHACKLEBOLT THINKS IM HOT I REPEAT KINGSLEY SHACKLEBOLT THINKS IM HOT

 

Prongs: way to go mate Kingsleys fit

 

Wormtail: Sirius literally everyone thinks you’re hot you don’t have to tell us every time

 

Padfoot: ummmm yeah I am objectively incredibly hot so of course most of the school notices but wormtail this is Shacklebolt

 

he was literally my first real crush

 

Moony: he’s a bit of a prick

 

never got what you saw in him

 

Prongs: his face

 

Wormtail: his abs

 

Padfoot: his hair

 

Prongs: his eyes

 

Padfoot: his arse

 

Moony: ok ok you’ve painted quite the picture

 

I still think he’s a pretentious sod

 

Padfoot: says the boy who still refuses to listen to Taylor Swift

 

Moony: im not pretentious im just picky

 

Wormtail: mmmmhmmmmm

 

 

Brothers from another mother

 

Padfoot: does Moony seem jealous??

 

Prongs and Moony Inc.

 

Moony: bloody Shacklebolt with his hair and his earrings and his stupid vests

 

Brothers from another mother

 

Prongs: don’t know where you got that idea

 

Chapter Text

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

Sirius: heyyyyy who wants to watch sing street and get totally hammered

 

 

Astroboys

 

Moon: you alright pads?

 

Star: course moons why wouldn’t i be

 

Moon: sing street is your comfort movie and you’re talking about getting shitfaced on a tuesday

 

Star: it’s nothing

 

just my birthday is tomorrow

 

Moon: really?! i had no idea

 

Star: no need for the sarcasm mr.moonpie

 

i just… don’t feel ready to be an adult ya know

 

Moon: i get it

 

will having a total rager this weekend for your birthday make you feel better

 

Star: immensely

 

Brothers from another mother

 

Prongs: this sudden need to get plastered wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with a certain instagram flirtation this morning

 

Padfoot: ugh am i that obvious

 

even moony asked if i was alright

 

Prongs: oof and what did you say

 

Padfoot: that i’m scared to be an adult

 

which is total bullshit but now he’s gonna let me throw a rager so it’s ok

 

 

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

Lily: sure :) me emm mary and marls are in

 

Dorcas: i’m down

 

James: since it’s at our flat me and the boys approve

 

Sirius: perfect get your asses over here

 

 

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

Sirius: can the two couples stop being so coupley

 

Marlene: umm mare do you smell something

 

Mary: oh yeah it’s really strong

 

Emmeline: i smell it too

 

Dorcas: i think it’s coming from sirius

 

Marlene: ahhh i’ve got it this reeks of homophobia

 

Sirius: babes i’m literally gay

 

Lily: shut up and watch i’m invested

 

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

Lily: i cant believe i’d never seen that movie before

 

it is now in my top 10

 

Dorcas: i’m still mad connor and eamon didn’t end up together

 

Marlene: fucking facts they were so cute

 

Emmeline: “wanna write another song?” “always” brb sobbing

 

James: and the way they looked at each other while playing brown shoes there is no straight explanation for that

 

Peter: they kinda remind me of Sirius and Remus

 

Lily: OMG YESS

 

Sirius: lol moony and i don’t have nearly that amount of unresolved sexual tension

 

Remus: by which he means we don’t have any

 

Sirius: right yeah

 

purely platonic

 

 

James and Lily

 

James: hey evans?

 

Lily: james we’ve gotten hammered together twice i think we’re at the point where you can call me lily

 

James: oh um ok so lily?

 

Lily: yeah?

 

James: mary and emm liked each other for a long time before getting together right

 

Lily: oh god since our second year rooming together it was unbearable

 

James: how did you deal with it

 

Lily: i got tired of the pining and locked them in a laundry cupboard at your halloween party til they sorted their shit out

 

James: wow that sounds surprisingly simple

 

Lily: yeah but their not as emotionally unavailable as remus and sirius you may need something more sophisticated

 

James: very true

 

Lily: lucky for you i’m an evil mastermind

Chapter Text

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

James: PADFOOT DAY PADFOOT DAY PADFOOT DAY

 

Sirius: 🥰 muah i love you husband

 

Remus: happy birthday pads :)

 

Lily: Happy birthday Sirius!!

 

Mary: happy birthday ex lover

 

Peter: HAPPY BIRTHDAY PADS!!

 

Marlene: happy birthday you wanker

 

 

The Black Plague

 

Reggie: Happy bday bro

 

i don’t say it enough but i really love you

 

i’m proud of you. for getting out for not leaving me behind for living your own life

 

you’re just a really great brother and a really great person

 

Siri: fuck reg i’m crying right now

 

thank you

 

and of course i didn’t leave you you’re my baby brother

 

do i sometimes regret putting you and james under the same roof absolutely but i would never leave you there alone

 

Reggie: damn it sirius now i’m crying

 

oh and also i got you a present

 

Siri: oooh what is it???

 

and it does anything to do with why i hear a weird sound coming from the living room????

 

Reggie: maybe…

 

Siri: REGGIE DID YOU GET ME A DOGGG!!!!

 

Reggie: do you like him?

 

Siri: reg i’m in love

 

does he have a name?

 

Reggie: yeah

 

it’s bowie

 

Siri: BOWIE

 

 

 

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

Sirius:

 

LOOK WHAT REGGIE GOT ME

 

HIS NAME IS BIWIE AND I LOVE HIM MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF

 

James: i helped reg plan the whole thing i’m glad you like it :))))

 

Sirius: LIKE IT?!? James i could kiss you right now

 

Mary: OH MY GOODNESS HES SO CUTE I HAVE TO MEET HIM

 

Dorcas: ^^^^^^

 

Sirius: well we’re having a party saturday you’ll all meet him then

 

Remus: oh yeah speaking of saturday caradoc and i have been texting a bit and i was wondering if i could invite him?

 

Sirius: oh. sure

 

 

Sirius and Kingsley

 

Sirius: hey i’m having a party saturday you should come

 

Kingsley: I’d love to

Chapter Text

Kingsley and Hestia

 

Kingsley: Hes

 

Hessssss

 

Hestiaaaaa

 

Hestia: if you want my attention you know what you have to say

 

Kingsley: jfc

 

oh Hestia all powerful goddess of home and hearth i’m in need of your assistance

 

Hestia: much better

 

what do you need mortal

 

Kingsley: wtf do i wear to Black’s party

 

Hestia: oh you must really like him you never worry about what to wear

 

Kingsley: i do i like him so much

 

like yeah he’s gorgeous but he’s also like the best songwriter in our year and he’s so funny

 

and i know at the last party he was only really flirting with me cause he was drunk but god it was so great hes

 

Hestia: oh babes

 

please be careful

 

i haven’t seen you down this bad since frank

 

i don’t want history to repeat itself

 

Kingsley: i know

 

but even if he’s just using me to make lupin jealous at least he’s using ME

 

now help me choose an outfit

 

this one

 

or this one

 

Hestia: the first one for sure

 

Kingsley: thanks babes 😘

 

Caradoc and Benjy

 

Benjy: hey is the whole band invited to blacks party or just you and kings

 

Caradoc: i’m not sure lemme check

 

Remus and Caradoc

 

Caradoc: hey rem :)

 

Remus: hey …..

 

i tried to think up a cute lil nickname for you but there is absolutely no good way to shorten Caradoc

 

Caradoc: lmao you could just call me babe ;)

 

Remus: oh ummm yeah i guess i could

 

Caradoc: so i was wondering if the whole band is invited to this thing

 

Remus: sirius invited shacklebolt already so i don’t see why not

 

Caradoc: great thanks babe

 

 

Caradoc and Benjy

 

Caradoc: yeah

 

Benjy: ok help

 

Regulus is gonna be there i have to look hot

 

Caradoc: back up you like regulus???

 

Benjy: ummm i’m sorry have you seen him

i mean look at that of course i like him

 

Caradoc: holy shit benjy has a crush!!!!

 

Benjy: yea yea now stop teasing and help

 

glasses

or no glasses

Caradoc: no glasses all the way

 

Benjy: mwah thanks love

Chapter Text

Marauders

 

Prongs: so padfoot you’ve got some explaining to do

 

Padfoot: what?

 

Prongs: were you really so pissed you don’t remember cause if that’s the case i will not hesitate to bash kingsleys face in

 

Padfoot: oh THAT

 

no i DEFINITELY remember i just thought what you all saw was pretty self explanatory

 

if it wasn’t i’ll go right ahead and tell you we snogged :)

 

Prongs: is that it?

 

Padfoot: yeah i wanted to do more but he said we were both pretty pissed and he really likes me so he wanted us to be able to remember it

 

Prongs: AWWWWW that’s almost me levels of sappy

 

Wormtail: that’s sweet ngl i wasn’t totally expecting that from shacklebolt

 

Padfoot: me neither really when he said he’d been trying to chat me up for years i thought he just wanted to get in my pants but he seems… smitten 🥰

 

Wormtail: im happy for you mate

 

Prongs: wbu moons how’d things go with dearborn

 

Moony: he asked me on an official date

 

we’re going to dinner on wednesday

 

Wormtail: congrats moons you two would make a great couple

 

Prongs: i have one tiny concern

 

Moony: yeah?

 

Prongs: Caradoc is gonna be a hard name to scream out during climax

 

Moony: FOR FUCKS SAKE PRONGS

 

Wormtail: get that horrifying image out of my brain

 

Padfoot: he’s not wrong

 

oh caradoc harder

 

it’s just too many syllables

 

Moony: what and Sirius is easier

 

Padfoot: oh i think you’ll find it very easy to scream out my name

 

Wormtail: ok that’s my cue

 

Prongs: wormtail i’m offended?

 

you didn’t even ask how i fared with evans

 

Wormtail: that’s because i don’t particularly care mate

 

Prongs: sucks for you cause i’m gonna tell you anyway

 

i was so bloody nervous to see her again we had a moment at the movie night and i thought tonight i’d make my move

 

Padfoot: what is this a fucking wattpad fic text normally arsehole

 

Prongs: uggh fine so i took a few shots when she walked in to calm my nerves

 

and then reggie texted me and REFUSED to make out with me

 

and we all know 3 drink james is a bit sensitive so i may have gotten a bit weepy and evans came over to see what was wrong and long story short

 

Lily and Sirius

 

Lily: hey is james in love with your brother

 

Chapter Text

Sirius and Kingsley 

 

Sirius: hey :)

 

Kingsley: hi

 

Sirius: i had a lot of fun last night

 

Kingsley: me too

 

Sirius: would you um maybe want to go out sometime?

 

Kingsley: wait a minute is THE SIRIUS BLACK nervous to ask someone out

 

Sirius: i’m not nervous ….

 

Kingsley: you’re blushing right now aren’t you?

 

Sirius: ….no

 

Kingsley: god you’re adorable

 

Kingsley: now you’re definitely blushing

 

Sirius: no comment

 

Kingsley: yes i’d love to go out with you Sirius

 

 

Brothers from another mother

 

Padfoot: guess who’s got a date tonight!!!!

 

Prongs: i know it’s not me and lily cause she’s convinced i’m in love with regulus

 

Padfoot: oh my god why do i even ask

 

Prongs: sorry sorry i’ve just been listening to folklore and it made me really emotional

 

anyway who’s got a date?

 

Padfoot: me and shacklebolt!!!

 

Prongs: oh

 

cool

 

Padfoot: i know you’re sad about evans but i thought you’d be a bit more excited for me

 

Prongs: i am it’s just

 

that boy likes you pads… like really likes you

 

are you sure you want him to be your rebound from moony it seems a little cruel

 

Padfoot: first of all i’m not rebounding there’s nothing to rebound from moony has never and will never see me that way and i’m over it

 

secondly i would never use someone like that i thought you knew me well enough to know that

 

Prongs: well i know you’d never mean to but you’re kind of blind to these things

 

you didn’t know mary was totally head over heels for you in year 9 so you kissed her just to see if maybe you liked girls too and totally broke her heart

 

Padfoot: mary macdonald is immune to having her heartbroken by a man

 

Prongs: maybe she is now but she wasn’t at 13

 

Prongs: and you never even realized how much you hurt her

 

i just don’t want you to do that to kingsley he seems like a good bloke

 

Padfoot: he is

 

that’s the reason i asked him on this date

 

it had nothing to do with moony

 

when i tried to kiss him at the halloween party and he turned me down i knew i had to move on

 

and then this really sweet and funny and bloody gorgeous guy shows interest in me

 

Prongs: well i’m really happy for you pads you deserve this

 

Padfoot: thanks babe now help me pick an outfit

1

or 2

 

Prongs: 1 for sure

 

Moony and Prongs inc

 

Moony: can i come to your room for cuddles and sad pixar movies

 

Prongs: i have triple chocolate ben and jerry’s in the freezer

 

Moony: i love you

 

Prongs: i know 💖  

Chapter Text

James and Lily

 

James: hey lils

 

read

 

Cooler than the marauders

 

Lils: god i hate men

 

Marls: what did snape do this time?

 

i’ll punch his lights out

 

Emm: i’ll help

 

Lils: it’s not sev

 

it’s james

 

Mare: potter

 

but he’s such a sweetie

 

Lils: i thought so too i really did

 

i mean he was adorable and all flustered whenever he saw me

 

and at sirius’ party i was going to tell him i liked him but then he starts crying on my shoulder about how regulus won’t kiss him

 

all the flirting those little moments he was just leading me on trying to make reg jealous

 

Emm: did he tell you that?

 

Lils: no but it makes sense doesn’t it

 

Marls: not at all

 

Lils: what do you mean?

 

Marls: that time at the boys flat when you first met him?

 

he got all flustered and stuttery

 

Lils: yea…

 

Marls: reg wasn’t there

 

Mare: or at the movie night when you’re fingers touched reaching for the popcorn and he couldn’t talk in complete sentences for the rest of the night

 

Lils: you’re my best friends you’re supposed to be on my side

 

Emm: we are lils of course we are we just don’t think you’re thinking clearly

 

Lils: i’m clearer than ever thank you very much

 

honestly it was less logical to think he liked me in the first place

 

im a fat girl here on scholarship and he’s the captain of the rugby team his family owns a mansion i mean i was being delusional thinking he’d ever like me

 

OWWWW MARY WTF

 

SHE FUCKING SLAPPED ME

 

she left her class so she could come over here and slap me!!

 

Mare: and if you ever talk about my best friend like that again i’ll break your fucking nose

 

you are gorgeous lils i mean seriously you were the first girl i ever had a crush on

 

Marls: same

 

Emm: ditto

 

Lils: wait seriously

 

Mare: you were all of our sexual awakenings but that’s a conversation for another time

 

anyway don’t say you’re on scholarship likes it’s something to be ashamed of

 

it means you had enough talent that they were willing to give money away so you could grace their barren elitist hellhole

 

so james potter should be falling on his knees even if you even dane to give him a second glance

 

Marls: he kinda already is

 

Lily: thanks loves maybe i’ll give him another shot but he’s gonna have to work for it

 

Lily and James

 

Lily: what is it potter?

 

James: oh umm i guess we’re back on a last name basis ok

 

i just wanted to tell you we have to call off operation moonstar

 

Lily: wait really but it’s foolproof

 

James: i have no doubt in your magnificent scheming abilities evans but their both seeing other people and it feels wrong to interfere

 

i just want them to be happy and if it’s not with each other than that’s ok

 

Lily: that’s more mature than i expected from you james

 

James: you called me james are we good again

 

Lily: it was a slip of the tongue don’t get used to it

 

James: i promise i won’t

 

lily

Chapter Text

Marauders

 

Moony: help

 

help

 

HELP

 

Padfoot: at your service my moon man

 

what do you need

 

Moony: my date is tonight and i’m freaking out

 

what do i wear

 

how the fuck do i talk to him

 

what if i look like a pig when i eat

 

Prongs: ok deep breaths moony

 

first wear this outfit it makes you look incredibly hot

Moony: prongs no that outfit makes me look like my dad

 

Padfoot: i don’t see the issue

 

Moony: i’m too freaked out to be disgusted

 

Padfoot: moony you have absolutely no reason to be freaking out

 

you’ve been texting with caradoc for like a month

 

you flirt on instagram constantly

 

Wormtail: it’s nauseating

 

Padfoot: not my point

 

my point is he’s obviously super into you and even if you massively shit yourself he’ll still want to snog your brains out

 

Moony: really?

 

Padfoot: yeah ofc :)

 

Moony: thanks pads

 

 

Brothers from another mother

 

Prongs: you good there buddy?

 

Padfoot: why wouldn’t i be?

 

Prongs: it can’t be easy to reassure the guy your in love with that he’s gonna do great on a date with someone else

 

Padfoot: i mean yeah but i’m having a lot of fun getting to know kingsley and moony is one of my best friends and if he has a shot at being happy i want him to take it

 

Prongs: when the fuck did you get so mature

 

Padfoot: when i finally stopped pining like an idiot

 

Prongs: well i’m proud of you

 

 

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

Mary: guys guys guys guess who me and emm just saw out at puddifoots

 

Lily: OOOH WAS IT EMMA VANITY AND HESTIA JONES I HEARD THEIR BACK TOGETHER

 

Emmeline: nope! our very own remus lupin with the gorgeous caradoc dearborn!

 

Peter: ummm yeah we know

 

Mary: you knew?!?!

 

James: umm yeah we’re his best friends

 

Mary: gasp?!? and you didn’t tell us?

 

who else is dating that we don’t know about

 

you and pete?!

 

lily and sirius?!

 

Sirius: sorry evans i’m a taken man

 

Lily: what?! since when

 

Sirius: on monday i went out with kingsley

 

and he brought me coffee tuesday morning

 

and we were up till 5 on the phone last  night

 

James: excuse me??? why was i not told about coffee or the late night talks that’s absolutely boyfriend behavior

 

Dorcas: yea sirius you better lock that down he’s a keeper

 

Sirius: yeah… yeah i really think so

Chapter Text

Brothers from another mother

 

Padfoot: prongs i need your advice

 

Prongs: what’s up you’re being all sirius

 

SERIOUS

 

fucking autocorrect

 

Padfoot: i really like kingsley

 

like really like him

 

at first i was just trying to move on and get over moony and i didn’t think it would work but he’s been so sweet and we’re really similar but not in a way that drives me completely insane and we just sort of fit…

 

Prongs: that’s great pads what’s the problem?

 

Padfoot: well he hasn’t been in anything close to a relationship since like two years ago when he was seeing frank longbottom and apparently he was falling hard but frank had been in love with alice for years and was just using him to make her jealous and he’s not the most open or trusting and i don’t know how to get him to believe me when i say im in this

 

Prongs: well have you told him about moony

 

Padfoot: ….no

 

Prongs: pads he’s trusted you with really personal stuff i think the only way to prove you deserve that trust is to open up

 

Padfoot: yea you’re right

 

fuck this is gonna be hard

 

Prongs: i believe in you

 

 

Sirius and Kingsley

 

Sirius: hey kings so i’ve been thinking a lot about what you told me about frank and i’m really happy that you felt you could trust me with that

 

i want to open to you too i’m just not sure how

 

Kingsley: sirius you’ve opened up to me plenty i know all about your shitty family and all your friends and even how you got that ridiculous adorable nickname you don’t have to tell me anything more than that if you don’t feel ready

 

Sirius: no no i want to

 

i haven’t dated anyone seriously in well…

 

now that i think about it i’ve never dated anyone seriously

 

(please no puns i know it’s hard to resist)

 

it’s not because i’m some fuckboy who’s scared of commitment and can’t settle down or some deep seated fear of intimacy instilled by my horrible abusive family although actually that probably does play a role

 

but it’s because basically for as long as i can remember i’ve been in love with Remus

 

i hooked up with people every now and then but i made sure that if he ever decided he wanted me i was available

 

but over the past couple months i’ve realized that i can’t keep waiting for him to change his mind

 

i’m gonna be completely honest at halloween and my birthday i was trying to take my mind off him and i was using you but then we actually started hanging out and i just feel so stupid for waiting this long because you’re amazing and i really like you

 

Kingsley: well it means a lot that you’re willing to tell me that i mean i kinda already knew most of it but it’s still sweet

 

Sirius: wait what?

 

Kingsley: i’ve heard the songs you write sirius it’s obvious you’re not some emotionless fuckboy and i’m not blind any idiot can see the way you look at lupin but i’m still glad you told me ☺️

 

Sirius: oh well ok great

 

Kingsley: and sirius

 

Sirius: yea?

 

Kingsley: i really like you too

 

 

The best band ever

 

Sirius: guys i wrote another song

 

Mary: i see we’ve completely dispensed with greetings now

 

Sirius: sorry macdonald i’m just excited

 

Marlene: alright let’s hear it

 

Sirius: You're saying

You've been through this before

You gave away all your secrets

To someone who up and left you in pieces

I know the feeling, believe me

I know the prices you've gotta pay

I'm sacrificing my freedom

And all just to get somebody to see me

Nobody said it was easy

My heart's been broken and broken and broken and broken

But I keep, keep on hoping and hoping and hoping and hoping

That if it keeps on breaking and breaking and breaking and breaking

That one day it'll open and open and open and open and open for you

Hey!

I know we've both been afraid

But we can't run from the wind and the thunder

When we're dancing under the rain, the rain, the rain

Hey!

I know we got what it takes

Ain't gonna run from the wind and the thunder

When we're dancing under the rain, the rain, the rain

We're dancing under the rain

 

 

Brothers from another mother

 

Prongs: is that…

 

Padfoot: nope its not about moony :)

Chapter Text

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

James: GUYS GUYS GUYS

 

Lily: ugh what now potter i’m studying

 

James: ITS THE FIRST SNOW OF THE SEASON!!!

 

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!

 

Sirius: SNOWBALL FIGHT

 

Peter: SNOWBALL FIGHT

 

Remus: *sigh* snowball fight

 

Marlene: YES I CANT WAIT TO PUMMEL SIRIUS WITH FROZEN WATER

 

James: that’s incredibly violent but whatever gets you on board

 

Dorcas: well now i have to make sure my girlfriend doesn’t get hurt… or much more likely hurt anyone else

 

Mary: i was looking for an excuse to get out of doing my homework anyway

 

Emmeline: i’m in!

 

James: evans?

 

Lily: ughh fine

 

James: YESSS!! let’s do this shit!!!

 

 

Cooler than the marauders

 

Mare: am i the only one seeing this @lils

 

Emm: you most certainly are not

 

Marls: it’s nauseating

 

i don’t think i’ve ever hear lily giggle before

 

i don’t like it

 

Emm: oh come on marls it’s cute

 

Lils: all of you shut up

 

that’s just my laugh

 

Mare: mmhmmm sure it is

 

Lils: i’m silencing this chat

 

 

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

Dorcas: Remus that was the best hot coco i have ever had in my life if i wasn’t extremely gay for marlene i’d marry you

 

Marlene: and i’d allow it if you made me coco and sugar cookies

 

Remus: thanks guys it’s actually my mom’s recipe

 

Sirius: ughh hope lupin what a legend

 

James: also a total milf

 

Remus: you guys seriously need to stop objectifying my parents

 

James: but lyall and hope are hot as fuck just pure bi panic

 

Lily: well show the rest of us we’ll be the judge of that

 

James: gladly

 

ladies and gentlemen the icomporable Hope Lupin-Howell

Marlene: …. wow

 

Dorcas: i second that

 

Mary: remus are you perchance in need of a step mother

 

Lily: i’d let that woman rail me

 

James: me too evans me too

 

Sirius: and now for the piece de resistance

 

Lyall

 

Emmeline: fucking hell!!!

 

Marlene: im a lesbian but DAYUMMM

 

Dorcas: i just go so much gender envy

 

Remus: you know what two can play at this game

 

feast your eyes on the incredibly dilfy fleamont potter

 

Lily: oh damn

 

Mary: that is one sexy man

 

Sirius: god that man is gorgeous

 

James: sirius he’s basically your dad

 

Sirius: yes and?

 

Peter: queen effie is not getting enough appreciation and we must correct that

Sirius: yes effie slay!!!

 

Remus: i adore euphemia potter

 

Lily: james your parents seem so sweet

 

James: you should meet them :))

 

Lily: i’d like that :)

 

 

Remus Lily Dorcas&Emmeline

 

Lily: so i know the song writing is usually Remus’s forte but i came up with something if you guys wanna hear it

 

Emmeline: ummm yes!!!

 

Dorcas: lay it on us lils

 

Lily: ok so i was thinking something like

 

A brown-eyed boy with a contagious laugh and a specific hat

A brown-eyed boy feels just like home, comes with a welcome mat

A brown-eyed boy

 

that’s all i’ve got so far

with like a soft ukulele instrumental

 

Remus: are you perhaps referring to this boy and this hat?

Lily:… no

Chapter Text

Caradoc and Remus

 

Caradoc: hey babe are you free tonight?

 

 

Astroboys

 

Star: hey moons are you busy right now

 

 

Caradoc and Remus

 

Remus: sorry no i’ve got loads of homework but we can grab lunch tomorrow?

 

Caradoc: alright don’t work too hard x

 

 

Astroboys

 

Moon: no what’s up pads?

 

Star: I want to ask kingsley to be my boyfriend

 

Moon: oh.

 

and you’re telling me this because?

 

Star: i’m shit at the romantic stuff and james is absolutely no help

 

Moon: sorry pads idk ask mary

 

Star: oh right ok

 

thanks anyway

 

read

 

Hottest hoes at hogwarts

 

Sirius: mary i need romantic advice

 

Mary: ooh spill

 

Sirius: i’m gonna ask kingsley to be my boyfriend i want it to be special and sweet but not too big and public and embarrassing

 

Mary: hence why you’re asking me not james

 

Sirius: exactly

 

Mary: ok well there’s the classic simple just take him out to a nice dinner and make it official

 

Sirius: when have i ever done anything that could remotely be considered classic or simple

 

Mary: right right forgot who i was dealing with my apologies

 

OOH I THINK IVE GOT IT

 

put together a little picnic maybe on the grounds by the lake

 

candles flowers the whole shebang

 

fancy alcohol maybe even some chocolate covered strawberries

 

Sirius: mary you’re a genius

 

Mary: thanks for finally acknowledging it

 

Kingsley and Sirius

 

Sirius: are you free tomorrow?

 

Kingsley: for you i can clear my schedule :)

 

Sirius: ok meet me at the whomping willow at 2 xx

 

Kingsley: you gonna tell me why

 

Sirius: nope :)

 

 

Caradoc and Remus

 

Remus: i got my homework done early if you want to come over

 

Caradoc: omw x

 

 

Brothers from another mother

 

Padfoot: where’s the picnic blanket?

 

Prongs: why?

 

Padfoot: i need it

 

Prongs: for what?

 

Padfoot: ugh fine i’m making kingsley a romantic picnic to ask him to be my boyfriend

 

Prongs: WHAT??? AND THIS IS THE FIRST IM HEARING OF IT!!!????

 

THIS IS A BETRAYAL OF THE HIGHEST OF ORDER

 

Padfoot: just come help me find the bloody blanket

 

Prongs: right coming

 

 

 

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

Sirius: can we just take a moment to appreciate my boyfriend

Mary: HE SAID YES??!!

 

Sirius: he did 🥰

 

Mary: ahhh i’m so happy for you too

 

my turn

 

let’s take a moment to appreciate my beautiful girlfriend

Emmeline: ehh she’s ok but i think my girlfriend is hotter

Marlene: let’s take a moment to appreciate my stunning partner

Dorcas: girlfriend appreciation moment

Lily: feeling very single right now

 

James: lily evans appreciation moment

Lily: awe james you’re a sweetie

 

james potter appreciation moment

Remus: boyfriend appreciation moment

Peter: wait what

 

James: wait what

 

Lily: wait what

 

Mary: wait what

 

Marlene: wait what

 

Dorcas: wait what

 

Emmeline: wait what

Chapter Text

Incoming call from Caradoc

 

Hey love

 

Umm hey Rem. I was just wondering if you might know why I just got several menacing texts from your friends saying if I hurt you there’s be hell to pay?

 

Ok so I may have told them that you’re my ummm boyfriend.”

 

Oh

 

Yeah. I’m sorry I know this is just a casual thing but they were all bragging about their significant others and I don’t know it just sort of happened.

 

You know this doesn’t have to be just a casual thing if you don’t want it to be?

 

What?”

 

I mean if you really just said it so you wouldn’t feel like a third or I guess 9th wheel then I get it but I’d be willing to try the whole boyfriend thing if you are

 

Oh. Ok. Yeah let’s try it

 

end call

 

 

Astroboys

 

Star: i didn’t get the chance to say it in the chat but

 

MOONYS GOT A BOYFRIEND!!!

 

WOOOHOOO!!

 

Moon: oh umm thanks pads

 

and for the record i’m really excited for you Kingsley

 

Star: thanks moons that means a lot

 

oooh idea!!

 

Moon: i’m listening

 

Star: we should go on a double date

 

Moon: oh umm idk i mean it’s really new

 

Star: ok well think about it :)

 

Moon: i will

 

 

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

Mary: i miss bowie

 

Emmeline: yeah can we have a movie night to hangout with bowie i miss my son

 

James: please it’s been a long week movies and puppy cuddles is exactly what i need right now

 

Sirius: sure

 

Peter: i’ll make cookies

 

Marlene: pete your an angel

 

Sirius: why are you only nice to him?

 

Marlene: because he feeds me

 

Sirius: fair

 

anyways be at ours in 30

 

Lily: will do!

 

Dorcas: can’t wait! i made bowie biscuits

 

Sirius: he’s waiting patiently

 

The marauders

 

Moony: is everyone seeing this?

 

Padfoot: that’s definitely cuddling

 

Wormtail: wait who i’m in the bathroom fill me in

 

Moony: james and lily

 

Wormtail: ah should’ve guessed

 

 

James and Lily

 

Lily: tonight was fun

 

James: yeah it was

 

Lily: we should do it again maybe sunday?

 

James: sure should i text the group chat

 

Lily: umm i kinda meant just the two of us

James: oh yeah yeah i can do that

Lily: great

 

Marauders

Prongs: AHHHSFHTDYHBNOOUTFVJOO

Chapter Text

Marauders

 

Prongs: help Help HELP

 

Moony: fucking hell prongs it’s 7 am

 

Prongs: yes which means i only have 12 hours to prepare for my date with lily

 

12 hours to pick the perfect movie

 

12 hours to get all you idiots out of the flat and clean it from top to bottom

 

12 hours to pick an outfit

 

oh god it’s not enough time

 

i should have started planning last night

 

Padfoot: bloody hell

 

 

Cooler than the marauders

 

Mare: what is this i hear about a certain lily evans having a date with a certain james potter

 

Emm: WHHHHAAAT

 

Marls: WAIT REALLY?!?!?

 

Lils: umm yeah i asked him out it’s no big deal

 

 

Marauders

 

Wormtail: what are you gonna wear?!

 

Padfoot: are you gonna make her dinner?

 

Prongs: i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know this just has to be perfect

 

 

Cooler than the marauders

 

Mare: ummm it’s a huge deal

 

do you need us to come over and do your makeup

 

or help you pick an outfit

 

Lils: guys seriously it’s just a movie night i might even go in sweats

 

Marls: not that you wouldn’t look breathtaking but maybe don’t do that

 

Emm: yeah i mean james is definitely already head over heels for you and would totally fall harder even if you showed up in pjs BUT I WANNA HELP PICK OUT A CUTE OUTFIT

 

 

Marauders

 

Prongs: ok so here are my outfit options

option 1

option 2

option 3

 

Moony: go with option 3 it matches your eyes

 

Padfoot: no no option 2 option 3 washes him out

 

 

Cooler than the marauders

 

Lils: i don’t wanna be too overdressed i just wanna be comfortable

 

Mare: no you’re wearing this dress

 

Emm: no no no you’re wearing this dress

 

Marls: i like this outfit it’s comfy but still cute and sexy but not like you’re trying too hard like yeah you’re trying but like it’s almost effortless

 

Lils: marls that’s actually perfect

 

ok ok i have an hour come over so we can gossip and do my hair

 

Mare: WERE ON OUR WAY!!

 

 

Marauders

 

Prongs: afburvnllkugbfthhcsqwfvbujn

 

Moony: i take it the dates going well

 

Prongs: she’s currently asleep with her head on my shoulder

 

we were watching dead poets society and talking about how anderperry were soulmates and then she yawned and put her head on my shoulder and then she fell asleep

 

guys she’s so perfect

 

 

Lily and Remus

 

Remus: i take it the date went well

 

Lily: what makes you say that

 

Remus: you’ve been listening to you are in love and enchanted on repeat

 

Lily: no comment

Chapter Text

Kingsley and Sirius

 

Sirius: i’ve just realized we’ve been dating for like a week and we still don’t have a cute chat name

 

Kingsley: that’s truly a travesty

 

so love what do you suggest

 

Sirius: awfhydbiijnlogv

 

Kingsley: you alright there?

 

Sirius: sorry pet names are my weakness

 

Kingsley changed “Sirius” to “love <3”

 

love <3: i’m fine i’m fine i’m fine

 

Kingsley: totally believe you

 

love <3 changed “Kingsley” to

💕 boyfriend 💕

 

love <3 changed chat name to hottest couple at hogwarts

 

💕 boyfriend 💕 : damn right we are

 

 

Marauders

Padfoot: head empty no thoughts just pretty boyfriend

 

Prongs: damn pads you’re down bad

 

Padfoot: i am and i don’t even care he’s so cute

 

Wormtail: everyone’s coupled up it makes me so happy :)

 

if not a little nauseous

 

Prongs: god i can’t wait to go on double or triple or quadruple dates with everyone

 

 

Astroboys

 

Star: you alright moons?

 

Moon: yeah why?

 

Star: i can tell you’re reading all the texts in the chat and you’re not answering

 

is everything alright with you and caradoc?

 

Moon: of course yeah we’re great

 

Star:…. convincing

 

 

Remus and Caradoc

 

Caradoc: wanna hangout tonight?

 

Remus: sure

 

Caradoc: my dorms empty we can watch Brooklyn 99 and drink hot coco

 

Remus: yeah that sounds perfect :)

 

 

Lily Remus Dorcas&Emmeline

 

Remus: hey hi hello i wrote another depressing song

 

Lily: *sigh* let’s hear it

 

Remus: Pitch black, pale blue

There was a stained glass, variation of the truth

And I felt empty handed

You let me set sail

With cheap wood

So I patched up every leak that I could

'Til the blame grew too heavy

Stitch by stitch I tear apart

If brokenness is a form of art

I must be a poster child prodigy

Thread by thread I come apart

If brokenness is a work of art

Surely this must be my masterpiece

I'm only honest when it rains

If I time it right, the thunder breaks

When I open my mouth

I wanna tell you but I don't know how

I'm only honest when it rains

An open book, with a torn out page

And my inks run out

I wanna love you but I don't know how

I don't know how

No I don't know how

I don't know how

I wanna love you but I don't know how

I don't know how

I wanna love you but I don't know how

I wanna love you but I don't know how

I wanna love you

 

Dorcas: so i take it things aren’t great with caradoc

 

Remus: …..

Chapter Text

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

Emmeline: does anyone wanna hangout i’m procrastinating writing my music theory thesis

 

Lily: ooh what’s your topic

 

Emmeline: why hozier as a straight man is so appealing and relatable to sapphic audiences

 

Dorcas: wait that’s so dope!!!

 

Remus: ughh that sounds so fun i wish i’d taken advanced music theory instead of intro to production

 

Lily: same i love good 20 page essay

 

James: how am i attracted to you?

 

doesn’t matter i am

 

Emmeline: back to my original question my girlfriend is in class and i really don’t want to have to actually work

 

Dorcas: sure i just made some *special* brownies i can bring over

 

Remus: oh fuck yes i’m so down to get stoned

 

Sirius: sounds fun can i bring kingsley?

 

Emmeline: sure the more the merrier

 

Remus: actually i probably shouldn’t

 

Marlene: but i thought you were and i quote so down to get stoned

 

Sirius: you can invite caradoc if you want moons

 

Remus: ok yeah fine i’ll come

 

Peter: me too :)

 

James: hooray!!! pete makes the best munchies snacks

 

Lily: i’m in

 

Marlene: obvs i’m in too

 

Mary: i can’t believe y’all are getting high without me

 

THE GALLL

 

Marlene: mary you’re not american don’t say y’all

 

Sirius: i second that

 

Mary: oh yeah what y’all gonna do about it?

 

Marlene removed Mary

 

Marlene: much better

 

 

 

hottest couple at hogwarts

 

love <3: wanna come get high with all my friends??

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : more than anything

 

 

Remus and Caradoc

 

Remus: some of my friends are gonna hangout dorcas made pot brownies you can stop by if you want

 

Caradoc: ok :)

 

 

Cooler than the marauders

 

Lils: i’m soooo uncomfortable right now

 

Marls: yea this is hard to watch

 

Mare: wait what’s going on fill me in

 

Emm: babe aren’t you in class

 

Mare: yeah but it’s binns so i can assure you whatever’s going on there is infinitely more interesting

 

Lils: ok so everyone’s here getting stoned and remus and sirius both brought their boyfriends

 

Mare: uh oh

 

Marls: uh oh is right

 

Lils: it was fine at first we were all laughing and eating peters bacon cheeto nachos

 

Mare: i’m sorry what?

 

Emm: what’s not to understand their nachos with bacon sour cream velveeta cheese and cheetos instead of tortilla chips

 

Marls: aka the ultimate munchies snack

 

Lils: anyway so then kingsley decides to be all cute and feed sirius

 

Marls: it was nauseating

 

Emm: it was very sweet

 

Lils: and the whole time remus is just shooting daggers at him with his eyes

 

and then he starts like AGGRESSIVELY making out with caradoc

 

and calling him babe and love and laughing way too hard at all his jokes

 

Mare: yikes

 

Lils: yeah like he’s so clearly trying to make sirius jealous but sirius hasn’t looked away from kingsley like all night

 

Mare: wow

 

Emm: mmmhmmmm

 

 

Remus and Caradoc

 

Caradoc: did you get back to your dorm safe

 

Remus: yeah

 

Caradoc: ok can i call you?

 

Remus: sure

 

incoming call from Caradoc

 

Hey

 

Hey we need to talk

 

That sounds ominous

 

It is

 

Oh

 

Yeah oh. Look Remus I think you’re great and getting to know you has been fun but I think we have to breakup

 

What? Why?

 

You know why Rem

 

…yeah yeah I do

 

I think you’re amazing. I’m not gonna lie I’m pretty hurt that you used me and led me on like that but I’ll get past it and then I’m sure we could be great friends

 

I’m so sorry Care I really did like you I just

 

Love him

 

Yeah

 

Do me a favor?

 

Anything

 

Don’t wait too long

 

To do what

 

To tell him

Chapter Text

hottest couple at hogwarts

 

love <3: are you awake?

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : is this a booty call?

 

love <3: i mean it can be

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : what’s going on love?

 

love <3: nightmares

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : i’m on my way

 

love <3: you don’t have to

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : sorry babe i’m on my bike can’t text rn

 

Marauders

 

Prongs: pete you beautiful bastard

 

Wormtail: huh?

 

Prongs: you’re making us bacon for breakfast god i love you

 

Wormtail: umm prongs i’m at the auditorium working on lighting cues

 

Prongs: but i smell bacon and you’re the only one who cooks

 

OH FUCK THERES AN INTRUDER

 

Moony: i highly doubt someone would break in and make us breakfast

 

Padfoot: shit sorry i just woke up

 

that’s kingsley please don’t attack him

 

Prongs: wait kingsley came over at 9 just to make us breakfast you better be careful pads or i’ll steal him away from you

 

Padfoot: actually he was already here

 

Prongs: oooh padfoot you floozie

 

Padfoot: not like that christ i was having a nightmare so he came over and cuddled me back to sleep

 

Astroboys

 

Moon: i didn’t know you were having a nightmare

 

Star: it’s alright moons kingsley was here

 

Moon: you know you can still tell me and i’ll come lay with you

 

kingsley lives all the way across campus i’m right here

 

Star: i know i just thought Caradoc might not be the most understanding of you sleeping in bed with a gorgeous bloke who’s not him

 

Moon: oh umm caradoc and i broke up

 

Star: what?? when?? why??? are you ok?

 

Moon: i’m fine it was mutual we were just both so busy prepping for the showcase it didn’t seem like the best time

 

Star: well if you need to watch the 2005 pride and prejudice and cry just let me know

 

Moon: i’m actually in more of a 1995 colin firth miniseries mood

 

Star: you do love that lake scene

 

Moon: ITS SO FUCKING SEXY!!! CAN YOU BLAME ME

 

Star: this afternoon pillow fort ben and jerry’s and colin firth

 

Moon: i’d like that

 

 

hottest couple at hogwarts

 

love <3: thanks for last night

 

and this morning

 

i really needed that

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : of course love

 

i’m always here

 

love <3: i just wanted to let you know moony and caradoc broke up so we were thinking of maybe having a movie night to cheer him up

 

it would be just the two of us but if you’re not comfortable with that i can invite james and pete and you maybe even the girls

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : why would you wanting to spend quality time with your best friend when he’s having a hard time make me uncomfortable?

 

love <3: well because… you know

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : because you had feelings for him?

 

love <3: yea

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : love i trust you i’m not gonna be the kind of boyfriend who freaks out because you two are close

 

love <3: you’re amazing you know that?

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : i believe you’ve mentioned it once or twice

 

love <3: come over when the movies over?

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : is THIS a booty call

 

love <3: unquestionably

 

 

 

Marauders

 

Prongs: why is wormtail curled up in a ball on the floor wearing his noise canceling headphones and rocking back and forth

 

Wormtail: two words thin walls

 

Prongs: got it

 

 

Remus Lily Dorcas&Emmeline

 

Remus: hey hi hello wrote another song

 

Dorcas: i love your music but have you considered therapy?

 

Remus: LOL

 

anyway here’s the lyrics

 

You're blowing smoke rings in the corridors, I feel so cold

How come it rains inside? The house is full but I'm alone

With all the shit that still needs fixing out of my control

It takes a hold of me, it takes a hold of me

The same old sad songs I cling to

'Cause I just wanna be out

I just wanna be out of the picture

And no, I'm not just gonna lay here and bite my tongue

I only wanna be here when he's gone

Ooh

The walls are way too thin

Oh, I get down, I get down when he gets you high

I'm bored, I'm ignored, I'm being out my mind

Ooh

The walls are way too thin

The walls are way too thin

 

Dorcas: alright then

 

Chapter Text

Dorcas and Remus

 

Dorcas: i’m coming over

 

Remus: hi dorcas how’s your day going? oh that’s good to hear and how are things with marlene? well that’s great

 

Dorcas: open the door lupin

 

Remus: why?

 

Dorcas: because you’ve been listening to ICU by phoebe for the last three hours and you need to get out

 

Remus: why can’t i cry to phoebe in peace

 

Dorcas: oh you absolutely can but you’re gonna do it with me in my car driving with the windows down and screaming the lyrics

 

Remus: i knew we were friends for a reason

 

 

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

Remus: IVE BEEN PLAYING DEAD MY WHOLE LIFE

 

Lily: AND I GET THIS FEELING WHENEVER I FEEL GOOD ITLL BE THE LAST TIME

 

Marlene: BUT I FEEL SOMETHING WHEN I SEE YOU NOW

 

Remus: I HATE YOUR MOM I HATE IT WHEN SHE OPENS HER MOUTH

 

ITS AMAZING TO ME HOW MUCH YOU CAN SAY WHEN YOU DONT WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT

 

Sirius: never related to a lyric more in my life

 

James: honestly it’s like phoebe is singing directly to you

 

Remus: wait pads i thought you didn’t listen to phoebe

 

Sirius: kingsley made me a playlist with a lot of her stuff turns out i should’ve listened to all of you when you said i’d like her

 

Dorcas: and we’ve switched to moon song i have to go

 

Lily: oh lord should i come over

 

Dorcas: don’t worry lils i’ve got it handled

 

Lily: if you say so

 

 

Remus and Dorcas

 

Dorcas: get back to your dorm safe?

 

Remus: yeah thanks for tonight cas it really helped

 

Dorcas: anytime

 

and if you ever wanna actually talk i’m available

 

Remus: i don’t think i’m ready yet but thanks for the offer love

 

Dorcas: of course

 

can i ask one question though

 

Remus: sure

 

Dorcas: it’s sirius right?

 

Remus: what is?

 

Dorcas: the reason we were crying to phoebe tonight

 

Remus:… yeah

 

Dorcas: oh love

 

Remus: i know

Chapter Text

Lily and James

 

James: Hey lils

 

Lily: hey james what’s up

 

James: do you happen to have any plans this lovely friday evening

 

Lily: not yet but that could change if i get the right offer

 

James: lily evans would you like to spend your friday evening with me

 

Lily: idk i might just wanna stay in with the girls

 

James: oh yeah of course i don’t want to interrupt

 

Lily: chill i’m just pulling your leg love of course i’ll hangout with you on friday

 

 

Remus and Lily

 

Remus: what did you to james???

 

Lily: what do you mean?

 

Remus: he just squealed really loudly and dropped his phone

 

he was on the top bunk

 

i think you may have broken his screen

 

Lily: i didn’t break anything!!

 

all i did was call him love

 

Remus: and you expected him not to squeal and throw things across the room??

 

Lily: he really likes me doesn’t he?

 

Remus: oh you have no idea

 

 

Lily and James

 

Lily: is your screen alright

 

James: how did you????

 

REMUS

 

THAT TRAITOR

 

Lily: i actually find it quite cute

 

read

 

Lily: James?

 

James: sorry dropped my phone again

 

Lily: it’s almost too easy

 

James: ANYWAYS

 

friday i’ll pick you up at your dorm

 

Lily: do i get to know where we’re going

 

James: no sorry it’s a surprise

 

 

The best band ever

 

James: are you guys free on friday?

 

Mary: yeah why do we have band practice?

 

James: no i need a favor

 

Sirius: what is it prongs

 

James: i’m gonna ask lily to be my girlfriend

 

Mary: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

 

Marlene: HOLY FUCK!!

 

Sirius: YESSSS GO PRONGSIE

 

Marlene: what do you need from us

 

James: come over in 10 i’ll fill you in

 

 

James and Peter

 

Peter: ok i booked the auditorium for friday at 6pm and i’ve been practicing the lighting cues you wanted but i can’t get mcgonagall to budge on the no open flame rule

 

James: ugh bummer probably a wise decision though i wouldn’t trust me with fire either

 

 

James and Alice

 

James: hey alice it’s james i hope you don’t mind i got your number from frank he told me your grandpa owns a flower shop

 

Alice: hey james yeah he does what’s up?

 

James: i need to place a very large order

 

 

Cooler than the marauders

 

Lils: do you guys have any idea what James is planning for this date i don’t know how to dress for it

 

could you guys come over and help me pick an outfit

 

Mare: sorry babes got tons of studying to do

 

Marls: i’m having a date night with cas sorry

 

Emm: i’m still writing that essay

 

but send us outfit options

 

Lily: ok so he didn’t tell me where we were going but he didn’t say dress comfortable so i’m assuming it’s not something athletic

 

so i was thinking maybe this dress

or this one

or this one

Mare: the second one

 

Marls: the second one

 

Emm: the second one

 

Lils: ok thanks loves

 

 

——————

 

James had told her he’d pick her up at 5:50 so by 5:45 she’d done her hair and makeup and put on her lucky socks. She knew it was probably stupid but she’d worn them the day she first met James and on their first date and they’d served her well. At 5:49 there was a knock on the door. She slipped on yellow heals to match her dress and opened the door. In front of her stood James Potter, his hair had clearly been tamed or at least subdued and he wore a light blue button down shirt that was just slightly too tight on his forearms. He was smiling at her, all slightly crooked front teeth and adorable dimples and she wondered how on earth she’d gotten this lucky.

 

“Y-you look…” he started but trailed off unable to form words. Her hair was curled in loose waves that fell down her shoulders and she wore a yellow gingham dress that looked beautifully bright against her pale freckled skin. She smiled at him, all glossy pink lips and twinkling green eyes, and he wondered how on earth he got this lucky.

 

“You too” she said til smiling “So do I get to know where we’re going yet?” James’s soft smile morphed into a mischievous grin.

“You’ll see”.

 

As they walked they chatted idly about their school week and the upcoming showcase until they arrived at the school auditorium. James grinned widely and held the door open for Lily who looked at him skeptically as she stepped inside.

 

The first thing she registered was the complete darkness. She could barely make out the chairs around her and could only tell James was still there by his hand resting reassuringly at her waist. Then she heard the soft music, a melody she recognized but was being played so quietly she couldn’t put her finger on it. It slowly grew steadily louder as the lights brightened and revealed the stage.

 

Her jaw dropped “Is that..?”

“A thousand yellow daisies. You mentioned how much you love Gilmore Girls so I thought…”

“That’s Taylor Swift!” Lily exclaimed as she finally recognized the song Marlene Mary and Sirius were playing on the stage. Enchanted her favorite song ever. The one she’d had on repeat since her first date with James. “James what is this?”

“Lily Evans you are the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You’re so insanely talented and smart and gorgeous and strong and I honestly can’t believe you’re giving me the time of day. You deserve something amazing so I wanted to give it to you. Lily Evans will you be my girlfriend?”

 

She didn’t bother answering instead she threw her arms around his neck and drew him in to a slow soft perfect kiss.

 

Cooler than the marauders

 

Lily: so i have a boyfriend now.

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

James: ATTENTION EVERYONE

 

as of last night everyone in this group chat is happily coupled up (except for pete and remus but i expect you two to play along)

 

tomorrow we will be having a 5 way date

 

all pda is allowed and encouraged (especially from pete and remus i just think it would be hilarious)

 

Mary: sounds fun me and emm are in

 

Lily: idk i have to check with my boyfriend first

 

hey boyfriend do you think we could do this thing tomorrow night

 

James: hmmm girlfriend yes i think that could be arranged

 

Marlene: well i hated that

 

me and cas are in but we refuse to be sappy

 

Dorcas: awe but marls you’re so cute when you’re sappy

 

Marlene: ok maybe we’ll be a little sappy

 

Remus: me and pete are down right honeybun

 

Peter: anything you say lovemuffin

 

Remus: eugh lovemuffin really?

 

Peter: idk i panicked

 

Sirius: sounds fun lemme check with kingsley

 

nvm he’s reading over my shoulder he’s in

 

also can we invite reggie he and benjy made it official last week and i need to make sure he’s good enough for my little brother

 

James: awww yes that’s so good for reg fenwick’s a catch

 

Lily: oh regulus has a boyfriend?

 

Sirius: yeah it’s new they met at my birthday party

 

Lily: you mean the birthday party where james cried on my shoulder cause regulus refused to make out with him?

 

James: oh god must we bring that up

 

Lily: oh yes i think regulus and benjy would love to hear about it

 

Marlene: i take back the sappy thing tonight’s gonna be hilarious

 

 

The Black Plague

 

Siri: we’re having a big couples night tomorrow bring benjy i have to decide if he’s good enough to marry into the family

 

Reggie: hello to you too big brother

 

Siri: don’t take that tone with me young man

 

Reggie: jfc alright we’ll be there

 

Siri: YAY!! i’ve missed you

 

Reggie: ewww emotions

 

Siri: reggie 🥺

 

Reggie: eugh fine i’ve missed you too

 

see you tomorrow

 

 

Moontail

 

Moony: just checking to make sure we’re on the same page

 

we’re going all out with this fake couple thing right

 

Wormtail: oh obviously

 

we’re coordinating outfits

 

Moony: this is why i love you pete

 

Wormtail: my goal is that by the end of the night we’ve convinced benjy we’ve been deeply in love since freshman year

 

Moony: you diabolical bastard there’s no one else i’d rather have as my fake boyfriend

 

 

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

Mary: me emm marls and cas are on our way

 

Lily: me too see you soon boyfriend

 

James: i’ll be waiting girlfriend

 

Sirius: ok it’s officially too much you two need to calm down

 

Remus: are you ready sugarplum

 

Peter: sure am lovebug

 

 

Benjy and Kingsley

 

Benjy: could you please ask your boyfriend to stop staring daggers at me?

 

Kingsley: lol sorry he’s just really protective of reg

 

how are you doing i know this friend group can be a lot for newcomers

 

Benjy: i’m good i’m a little surprised at lupin though

 

Kingsley: what why?

 

Benjy: he and care just broke up and he’s already all over pettigrew have some damn respect

 

Kingsley: oh yeah i know their still in the honeymoon phase

 

 

hottest couple at hogwarts

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : screenshot

 

tell remus and pete it worked

Chapter Text

hottest couple at hogwarts

 

love<3: kingsley i have a really important question to ask you

 

fuck i’m sweating

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : umm i hate it to break it to you babe but we already made it official and i promised my mom i wouldn’t get married til i graduated

 

love<3: this is important i need you to be serious

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : but that’s your job

 

love<3: christ never mind

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : no no i’m sorry love i’m listening go ahead ask away

 

love<3: alright

 

christ this is making me nervous

 

here we go

 

would you kingsley shacklebolt do me the honor of allowing me to add you to a massive group chat with all my friends?

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : holy shit you weren’t kidding this is big

 

of course you can add me

 

so your friends think i’m good enough for you?

 

love<3: are you kidding?

 

james and lily are seriously discussing stealing you and forming a throuple

 

mary wrote you into her will (yes she has a will don’t question it)

 

pete learned your favorite type of cookie and has been testing different recipes all weekend

 

and marlene hasn’t insulted you (on anything other than your taste in men) since you and i became official in her book thats pretty close to love

 

or she absolutely despises you with every fiber of her being but i’m pretty sure its the first one

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : and remus approves?

 

love<3: of course he does they all do

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : but you mentioned practically everyone by name and didn’t mention him

 

love<3: he’s been moody since the breakup with caradoc anytime i bring up dates and you he gets all quiet but it’s really nothing personal

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : how do you know?

 

love <3: he clams up when james gushes about lily too and she’s one of his best friends

 

i promise he approves of us he just doesn’t approve of everyone being happily coupled once he’s just been dumped

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : ok that makes sense i guess

 

love<3: don’t worry please they all love you now can i add you to the group?

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : yes <3

 

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

Sirius: ok everyone be on your best behavior we have company coming

 

Marlene: tf does that mean

 

Sirius added Kingsley

 

Mary: HOLY FUCK

 

ITS GROUPCHAT OFFICIAL

 

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

 

OH SHIT I NEED TO START A WEDDING PINTEREST BOARD

 

Sirius: well this was a failed experiment i’m off to find new friends

 

Mary: NO!!! i’m sorry i’ll be normal

 

Kingsley: just out of curiosity though what’s your pinterest username

 

Sirius: don’t encourage her

 

Kingsley: mary we’ll continue this in a private chat

 

Lily: hi kingsley :) we’re really excited Sirius added you to the group chat

 

Peter: yeah he needs a calming influence

 

James: we need to do something to commemorate this occasion and also so we can all get to know you better

 

something big but not too flashy

 

something fun but that we don’t have to move from our current positions cuddling our gorgeous girlfriends to accomplish

 

Kingsley: there’s always never have i ever

 

James: that sounds reasonable

 

Marlene: i’m always down to humiliate sirius in front of his boyfriend

 

Peter: i’m in but only because i’ve never done anything embarrassing ever

 

Remus: you fell asleep naked covered in cheese last week

 

Peter: that’s not embarrassing that’s entertaining and zainy

 

Remus: i will play because now peter has issued a challenge i refuse to back down

 

James: ok the rules are we go in alphabetical order you send the wine glass emoji if you have and nothing if you haven’t everyone clear?

 

Mary: 👍

 

Marlene: 👍

 

Emmeline: 👍

 

Dorcas: 👍

 

Sirius: 👍

 

Kingsley: 👍

 

Remus: 👍

 

Lily: 👍

 

Peter: 👍

 

James: alright dorcas start us off

 

Dorcas: never have i ever gotten wine drunk and binge listened to all nine taylor swift albums

 

Lily: 🍷

 

is there a reason i’m being targeted obviously no one else here has done that

 

James: 🍷

 

Sirius: 🍷

 

Mary: 🍷

 

Marlene: 🍷

 

Emmeline: 🍷

 

Kingsley: 🍷

 

Lily: i stand corrected

 

Emmeline: never have i ever made out with a member of the most noble and ancient house of black

 

Kingsley: 🍷

 

James: 🍷

 

Mary: 🍷

 

Marlene: 🍷

 

Sirius: explain yourself mckinnon

 

Marlene: i will not

 

Mary: i will she hooked up with narcissa in year 10

 

Sirius: COUSIN CISSY?!?

 

Marlene: i’m sorry sirius but you gotta admit she’s hot

 

Sirius: as much as my mother would love to hear me say that no i will never say my cousin is hot who do you think i am?

 

Marlene: a member of the Black family

 

Sirius: touché

 

James: ooh it’s getting heated my turn

 

never have i ever written a song about sirius orion black

 

🍷

 

Sirius: wait prongs really?

 

James: yeah of course i have

 

Sirius: can i hear it

 

James: i’ll send the lyrics once everyone answers

 

ooh wait actually let’s make everyone who’s done it send their lyrics

 

Kingsley: i don’t like this rule

 

Sirius: too bad it’s your own fault for writing songs about me

 

anyway everyone answer

 

Kingsley: 🍷

 

Mary: 🍷

 

Remus: 🍷

 

Sirius: this is fantastic i will hold this over all of you forever

 

lyrics now please

 

Mary: i’ll go first but let me preface this by saying i was melodramatic and 14

 

I waited up for your call

You never told me you would

But the way that you smiled was a promise, I swear

Fell asleep by the phone

I missed a message or two

Deleted them 'cause they weren't you

I wrecked my house a hundred times just to see you walk into a room

But there was money in your laugh, so babe

There's nothing else I could do

Oh babe, there's nothing else I could do

(There's nothing else I could)

I miss the shape of your voice

I miss the nape of your neck

I miss the weight of your words

I miss the bruises they left

Started reading the Times

Just to look for your name

I couldn't find it

They must have made a mistake

I broke my knuckles in a fight

You were crying in the back of the room

And now the world is on fire, but babe

There's nothing else I could do

Oh babe, there's nothing else I could do

 

Sirius: ummm Mary Macdonald why didn’t you tell me you could write songs

 

Mary: i thought by now you’d know there’s nothing i can’t do

 

Sirius: very true so who wants to bare there soul to me next

 

Kingsley: i’ll go

 

i wrote this the night you told me about your family

 

I wanna be where you go when you're lonely

I want you to feel at home when you hold me

I know how you get when your mind gets to roaming

I wanna be where you go when you're lonely

If you're lonely

You can call me

Boy, you gave me your love

Now you own me

That shit's holy

That shit's holy

Did you find what I hid in the closet?

All these skeletons, are they a bother?

Drinking wine 'til we empty these bottles

I know you get lost and get low, so

I wanna be where you go when you're lonely

I want you to feel at home when you hold me

I know how you get when your mind gets to roaming

I wanna be where you go when you're lonely

When you're lonely

 

Sirius: where are you right now and why is the answer not my arms?

 

Kingsley: on my way

 

Sirius: don’t think this means i forgot about you guys

 

prongs moony you owe me lyrics

 

now

 

James: ok but i’m not giving context cause you already know it and you’re the only person who needs to

 

If you be my star

I'll be your sky

You can hide underneath me and come out at night

When I turn jet black and you show off your light

I live to let you shine

I live to let you shine

But you can skyrocket away from me

And never come back if you find another galaxy

Far from here with more room to fly

Just leave me your stardust to remember you by

If you be my boat

I'll be your sea

A depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity

Ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze

I live to make you free

I live to make you free

But you can set sail to the west if you want to

And past the horizon till I can't even see you

Far from here where the beaches are wide

Just leave me your wake to remember you by

If you be my star

I'll be your sky

You can hide underneath me and come out at night

When I turn jet black and you show off your light

I live to let you shine

I live to let you shine

But you can skyrocket away from me

And never come back if you find another galaxy

Far from here with more room to fly

Just leave me your stardust to remember you by

Stardust to remember you by...

 

Sirius: i love you so much james so so so much

 

James: i know

 

Sirius: ok moony prove to us we saved the best for last

 

Remus: I wrote this when you ran away from grimmauld during summer hols and i couldn’t see you cause i was visiting family in Wales

 

it’s a friendship song

 

just like prongs’s really

 

umm anyway yeah here it is

 

Maps stretched out

Too many miles to count

Let's just say we're inches apart

And even closer at heart

And we'll be just fine

Another pin pushed in

To remind us where we've been

And every mile adds up

And leaves a mark on us

And sometimes our compass breaks

And our steady true north fades

We'll be just fine

We'll be just fine

We'll be just fine

We'll be just fine

I know that we will

I just know you will

Time moves slow

When half of your heart has yet to come home.

Every minute's adding up

And leaving a mark on us

I can't get you out of my mind

I can't get you out of my mind

I can't get you out of my mind

I solemnly swear

I swear that i'll never try

We'll be just fine

We'll be just fine

We'll be just fine

And I know that we will

We'll be just fine

We'll be just fine

It's a matter of time

'Til our compass stands still

'Til our compass stands still

 

 

Kingsley and Hestia

 

Kingsley: Hes

 

Hes i really can’t be bothered with your stupid ritual please just answer me

 

Hestia: whats so urgent it couldn’t wait for me to get back together with emma vanity

 

Kingsley: Remus Lupin is in love with my boyfriend

 

 

Chapter Text

Kingsley had read the lyrics over Sirius’s shoulder. He’d gotten on his bike and peddled as fast as he could the minute Sirius had even implied he wanted cuddles so now the two were sat on the couch in the living room/common area of The Marauders dorm Sirius’s 5’10 frame fitting perfectly under his chin. He was petting Sirius’s hair and wiping tears from his eyes after reading the lyrics James had sent. Kingsley didn’t have to know the exact context to know that James Potter was Sirius Black’s soulmate in every way but romantic and he truly was so happy his boyfriend had someone who understood him so deeply. Then there phones pinged.

 

Remus was over-contextualizing his lyrics which didn’t really seem all that odd to Kingsley. James Potter showed everyone exactly who he was and refused to let people judge him for it if he decided something was sacred it simply was no matter what anyone else thought. Remus Lupin however curated, not in the way Sirius curated the detached bad boy persona or Marlene the unfeeling ice queen one but in a way that meant any interpretation you had of him could be correct. His awkward explanation of his song lyrics could mean he was embarrassed to share his writing publicly or that he couldn’t give two shits what anyone else thought of it. Kingsley liked that about him. He was determined to make Remus Lupin his friend. He never really got why Remus didn’t like him they had very similar music taste, they were two of Mcgonagall’s favorite students, they shared an interest in the romantic poets, and understood each other’s references. Then he read Remus’s lyrics and it made sense.

 

“Hey love I have to go to the bathroom.” he said trying not to sound as panicked as he felt. Sirius put down his phone and turned to look Kingsley in the eye. His expression was unchanged from the one he had on reading James’s lyrics. He didn’t know.

“Alright but hurry back you’re warm”.

Kingsley nodded and tried not to power walk too obviously to the bathroom. He didn’t know. Sirius didn’t know that though James and Remus had both just very clearly professed their undying love for him they meant it entirely differently.  He read the lyrics again. Then again. Then he texted Hestia.

 

 

Kingsley and Hestia

 

Kingsley: Hes

 

Hes i really can’t be bothered with your stupid ritual please just answer me

 

Hestia: whats so urgent it couldn’t wait for me to get back together with emma vanity

 

Kingsley: Remus Lupin is in love with my boyfriend

 

God typing it made it so much more real. The only person Sirius had ever had real feelings for before him was in love with him. He and Sirius hadn’t said the L word yet, though Kingsley was dangerously close to feeling it, but before they’d really started dating Sirius had said he’d loved Remus so maybe the only person Sirius has ever loved is in love with him too. Fucking hell what was his luck?

 

His first relationship had been with Hestia and ended with them realizing that though they loved each other a lot they were both gay in the wrong directions and it was turning out to be the smoothest one he’d ever had. His whatever the fuck your want to call it with Frank had been well… complicated. Frank had flirted Kingsley had flirted back Alice had noticed but not cared after all Frank flirted with everyone. Frank kissed him Kingsley kissed him back Alice had not noticed she was too busy making out with Pandora. Frank had shared things, secrets no one else knew, his rugby jumper, unfinished mixes of songs he was working on. Kingsley started to fall and Alice started to notice and care and suddenly Frank was gone. This with Sirius it started similarly yes but then the path diverted hadn’t it? Sirius was the one who had made it official, the one who initiated at least 60% of text conversations, the one who seemed to be falling harder and faster. He wasn’t someone to fabricate feelings like that he wouldn’t run to Remus the minute he realized he was an option. Would he?

 

There was only one way to find out.

 

He splashed his face with water and decided that whatever happened was exactly what he wanted to happen and went back to his boyfriend on the couch.

 

“You know that’s not a friendship song right?”  he said while stroking Sirius’s hair. He was calm. He wasn’t jealous he wasn’t accusing he wasn’t issuing an ultimatum he was just asking a question.

 

“What do you mean? Of course I know the song you wrote me wasn’t a friendship song or at least I was hoping oh god did you think when I asked you to be my boyfriend it was because I didn’t have any male friends?”

 

He laughed and stroked Sirius’s hair some more. “Oh no love everything between you and me is decidedly not platonic. I meant Remus’s song”.

 

Sirius turned fully around “I know I used to have feelings for him and I know that might make it seem weird that we’re so close but nothing ever happened between us I would’ve told you if it did”

 

“Oh love I’m not accusing you of anything. I know nothing happened between you two and even if something had it’s none of my business unless it happened while we were together. I’m not saying you two were in a relationship or anything similar to one. I’m just telling you what I saw in those lyrics.”

 

Sirius looked confused. “Which was?”

 

“That he’s in love with you. I think you should know that before you decide to proceed in your relationship with me. I want you to be aware of all your options. I really really like you Sirius and I think you really like me too but you told me you loved him those feelings don’t go away immediately they might never go away at all so I think we should take a break while you let yourself feel everything and then-“

 

“No! no no breaks. Remus isn’t in love with me and even if he is I don’t care I want you!”

 

“Thank you for saying that love and if you still think it once you’ve heard everything he has to say tell me then.”

 

“Kingsley don’t leave I lo-“

 

“Sirius if you’re going to say it because you really feel it and you know for certain that you do go ahead but if you’re going to say it because you think it might be true and you know it will stop me from doing what I’m doing don’t.” Kingsley was fighting to keep the calm demeanor he’d established in the bathroom. He needed to stay calm. “You’re not the only one who has to figure out how you feel I do too. I need to figure out if I’m ok being in relationships that start as ways to make people jealous. I need to figure out if it not ending that way is worth the feeling completely worthless at the beginning. I’m not saying any of this because I think we should absolutely not be together or because I want you to choose me right now because you’re afraid of losing me please know that.” He put every once of sincerity in his body into that sentence looking Sirius dead in the eye both crying.

 

Sirius nodded. “So how short of a time is too short for me to have let myself feel all my feelings and just me being scared and lonely?” he gives a watery chuckle

 

“Anything under a week and a half” Kingsley responds with a teary laugh of his own.

 

“Ok”

 

“Ok”

 

“I really like you Kingsley”

 

“I really like you too Sirius. I’m gonna go you do what you need to do” He got up kissed Sirius’s temple and walked out the door.

Chapter Text

Astroboys

 

Star: where are you?

 

Moon: slughorn’s class why

 

Star: can you leave?

 

Moon: Sirius tell me what’s going on

 

Star: I just really need to talk to you and I think this is a conversation that should be had in person

 

Moon: He won’t let me leave but he’s giving me 15 minutes to step outside and “gather myself” call me

 

Star: I really think we should do this in person

 

I can wait til you’re class is over

 

incoming call from Moon

 

Sirius tell me what’s going on

 

Moony I can’t do this on the phone I promise as soon as you’re back from class-

 

You’ve been crying

 

Is that a question?

 

No. I know you I know you’ve been crying and now you won’t tell me what’s going on. Fuck Slughorn I’m leaving I’m coming back to the dorm-

 

Remus are you in love with me?

 

W-what? Why would you ask me that?

 

That’s not an answer”

 

Sirius you’re with Kingsley you’re happy why are you-

 

That’s still not an answer

 

Well the question is stupid so I’m not going to dignify it with an answer!

 

It’s stupid?!

 

Yes it’s unbelievably stupid!!

 

Why why is it so stupid?

 

Because you’re my best friend because I’ve known you since we were 14-

 

It’s really so unfathomable that you could ever have feelings for me?

 

Because you’re in a sickeningly happy relationship-

 

Stop bringing that up

 

I won’t stop bringing that up you can’t be happily cuddling with your boyfriend one minute and asking me if I’m in love with you the next

 

HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND ANYMORE!

 

What?

 

Kingsley said we should take a break

 

What? But you’re so all over each other I really thought you two we’re gonna say you loved each other

 

Yeah I thought so too and then he read your lyrics

 

What?”

 

Moony are you in love with me?

 

What do my lyrics have to do with anything?

 

Please answer the question

 

I already told you I’m not going to answer that question!

 

Why?

 

BECAUSE ITS STUPID

 

Tell me why it’s stupid

 

BECAUSE YOU LITERALLY JUST BROKE UP WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. NOT EVEN BROKE UP TOOK A BREAK WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! BECAUSE WERE MARAUDERS BECAUSE WE’VE SHARED A BED ANYTIME EITHER OF US HAD NIGHTMARES SINCE THE DAY WE MET! BECAUSE AFTER ALL THIS TIME HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW THAT THE ANSWER IS SO FUCKING OBVIOUS.

 

Remus if the answer was obvious to me I wouldn’t be asking

 

YES SIRIUS IM IN LOVE WITH YOU THERE FINE ARE YOU HAPPY?!?

 

Not at all

 

call ended

Chapter Text

This is not a chapter I just wanted to let everyone know I’m changing my Remus fancast. I still love Matt as Remus but I think Yoke Lore is a better fit for this fic I’m changing all the Remus pictures to my new fancast

Chapter Text

Brothers from another mother

 

Prongs: pads are you ok?

 

i was with lils and mary came home and told me i should go be with you she told me about what happened with you and moony

 

Padfoot: wait what how does mary know

 

Prongs: she’s in slughorns class you two weren’t exactly whispering

 

do you need me to come home?

 

Padfoot: no you stay with your girlfriend i’m gonna go watch andrew garfield movies and cry

 

Prongs: god you love that man

 

Padfoot: he’s a national treasure

 

not to mention the sexiest man alive

 

Prongs: you know who he kinda looks like?

 

Padfoot: just don’t prongs

 

i know you love moony and i do too don’t think i ever stopped but what he did was cowardly and cruel

 

he’s felt this way for who knows how long and he waits to say anything til i’m finally happy and getting over him

 

and sending those lyrics in a group chat with my boyfriend

 

who fucking does that

 

i mean he could’ve lied

 

Prongs: and tarnish the sacred pact to always honor the never have i ever integrity agreement i think not

 

but speaking of how is kingsley?

 

Padfoot: i have no fucking idea

 

he was so calm and collected i couldn’t tell anything he was really feeling

 

and a break? what does that even mean

 

Prongs: i’m not the one you should be asking

 

Padfoot: yea you’re right

 

 

hottest couple at hogwarts

 

love <3 changed the chat name to “WE WERE ON A BREAK”

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 : oooh i call rachel

 

love <3: ugh fine but under protest

 

💖 boyfriend 💖 changed name to “rachel”

 

rachel changed love <3 to “ross”

 

rachel: so what’s this about love

 

ross: oh umm i just what did you mean by a break?

 

rachel: what do you mean?

 

ross: like what are the ground rules

 

can we still hangout and text?

 

are you gonna be seeing other people?

 

should i be seeing other people?

 

rachel: ok slow down love

 

first of course we can text

 

hanging out is a little more complicated

 

i’d say groups are fine but no hanging out one on one until we’ve figured everything out

 

and yeah we probably should be seeing other people i mean the whole point is to see if we’re better off together alone or with someone else and we can’t exactly do that if we haven’t explored our options

 

ross: right ok thanks for clearing that up

 

rachel: no matter what happens we’ll stay friends i’m so happy i got to know you sirius

 

ross: and i you kingsley

Chapter Text

WE WERE ON A BREAK

 

ross: there’s one more thing we need to talk about

 

rachel: what’s that?

 

ross: do you want me to remove you from the group chat?

 

rachel: oh ummm good question

 

do all your friends know what happened

 

ross: mary knows so yeah everyone knows

 

rachel: it’s really up to you love

 

i really like your friends they seem to like me

 

but you need space so i’m more than willing to leave

 

ross: i think that might be best

 

rachel: of course

 

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary Kingsley

 

Kingsley left the chat

 

Mary: oh no it’s really over

 

Sirius: it’s not over we’re just taking a break

 

Mary: what does that mean

 

Sirius: it means we’re gonna take time apart and see other people and in a couple weeks we’ll talk and see if we want to be together or not

 

Moony and Prongs Inc.

 

Moony: see other people?

 

wtf does that mean see other people?

 

Prongs: i think that’s something you have to ask him yourself moons

 

but maybe give him time he’s pretty pissed off at you right now

 

Moony: yeah yeah you’re right time

 

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

Dorcas: you’re both free to see other people you and kingsley?

 

Sirius: i hate to break it to you meadowes but you’re not his type

 

Dorcas: no not me my twin brother dylan

 

James: you have a twin?

 

Dorcas: yeah he goes to beauxbatons academy of dance he worked on a music video with kingsley last year and has had a massive crush on him ever since

 

Dorlene Mckinnowes

 

Marlene: what are you doing?

 

Dorcas: what does it look like i’m trying to set up dylan and kingsley

 

Marlene: cas they literally just broke up

 

Dorcas: yeah but they agreed it’s ok for them to see other people and dylan really likes him marls

 

Marlene: i know he’s your brother and it’s your duty to help him out but i’m just trying to look out for sirius

 

he’s the closest thing to a brother i’ve ever had

 

Dorcas: don’t you have 4 actual brothers?

 

Marlene: i said what i said

 

Dorcas: look love if sirius says he’s not ok with it then i won’t bring it up again ok

 

Marlene: ok but you should probably let dylan down easy now cause sirius is never gonna ok this

 

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary

 

Sirius: is he hot?

 

Marlene: he’s dorcas’s twin of course he’s hot

 

Sirius: i’m gonna need photographic evidence

 

Dorcas:

 

Sirius: oh damn

 

and he really likes kingsley

 

Dorcas: completely mad about him thinks he’s some kind of musical genius

 

Sirius: yeah alright give him his number

 

Dorlene Mckinnowes

 

Marlene: i stand corrected