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McGonnagal: The band assignments for the end of year showcase are as follows:

James Potter, Sirius Black, Marlene McKinnon, and Mary Macdonald


Lily Evans, Remus Lupin, Dorcas Meadowes, and Emmeline Vance


Kingsley Shacklebolt, Hestia Jones, Benjy Fenwick, and Caradoc Dearborn


Severus Snape, Emma Vanity, Regulus Black, and Bartemus Crouch Jr.


Our student event coordinator and stage manager will be Peter Pettigrew.


Good luck.






Wormy: I can’t believe McG actually put you two in the same band




Moony: Poor woman she’s finally lost it


Pads: oh hush Moony we’ll be the best band to ever grace the Hogwarts stage


I mean we have Marlene McKinnon for Christ sake


have you heard her sing? almost makes me reconsider my sexuality


but enough about the best band known to mankind how do you feel about your assignment Moony?


Moony: Really good actually.


Lils may rival Marlene for best singer at Hogwarts and Dorcas plays drums like nobody’s goddamn business. I don’t know Emmeline too well but I’m sure she’s great on bass.


Prongs: waits Moony you’re with Lily Evans?

Moony: umm yeah


Prongs: this Lily Evans?

Moony: that would be her yes



Pads: I thought Fab Prewwet was your soulmate?


Prongs: not anymore he doesn’t like Olivia Rodrigo


Pads: HEATHEN!! you’re better off without him


Moony: well as fun as this was I’ve got to go talk to my band


Prongs: tell Lily she’s a goddess and I love her


Moony: jfc



Lily Evans started a new chat

Lily added Remus Lupin

Lily added Dorcas Meadowes

Lily added Emmeline Vance


Lily: hey loves I know most of us know each other or at least know of each other but I think we should introduce ourselves.


so say your name pronouns major and favorite artist


I’ll go first! I’m Lily she/her I’m a vocal major and a Swifty through and through


Emmeline: Ahhh yes Lils Taylor is my queen


I’m Emmeline she/her I’m a guitar and bass major with a focus on bass and I’m a ho for Hozier


Remus: god Em if I was at all interested in woman I’d marry you right now


I’m Remus he/him I’m a guitar major and my favorite band is Bombay Bicycle Club


Dorcas: I guess I’m next hey y’all I’m Dorcas she/they please! I’m a percussion major and I love Mitski and Phoebe Bridgers. I promise I’m not as depressed as I sound


Lily: yay! I’m so excited for this showcase


Sirius Black started a new chat

Sirius added James Potter

Sirius added Marlene McKinnon

Sirius added Mary Macdonald

Sirius named chat BEST BAND EVER


Sirius: just wanted to make a chat for the best band in the world


we all know each other so need for that icebreaker bullshit


we’re gonna smash it!!!


I’ve actually got some lyrics written


Mary: oooh yes let’s hear em


Sirius: ok I was thinking something like


The green in your eyes

Are like the leaves in the summer

And it changes with the weather

The pink in your cheeks

When you slightly lose your temper

Makes me love you even more

And if there was a place that I had to choose

Or a memory, that faith, that I cannot lose

If there was a place that I could call home

Before I die, you oughta know

It'd be in your arms tonight

It'd be in your arms tonight


Brothers from another mother


Prongs: is that....?


Pads: yes prongs it’s about Moony


Prongs: oh.

Chapter Text






He’s so fucking hot and for what James?!


Prongs: god not this again


look Moony I love you but I don’t know why you can’t just talk to him


Moony: HA prongs you crack me up


anyways I’m gonna go write breakup songs for I guy I’ve never dated laterz


Prongs: jfc


Lily Remus Dorcas & Emmeline


Remus: hey guys I’ve been working on some lyrics we could maybe use for one of our showcase songs should I send it over?


Lily: yes!!


Remus: ok this is all I have so far


There's not a bone in my body that's not weak for you

Well if you find one let me know

I can still feel the way you hold me next to you

And I don't want to feel it anymore


But if you didn't ever touch me that way just know I know I wouldn't be the same

If you never put your love in my brain just know I'll know


That I'm weighed down by your beautiful

Collapsing underneath your perfect

Drowning in your wonderful

And I'm letting you sink in

It's, it's almost unbearable

I'm suffering inside your magic

Love you something terrible

And I'm letting you sink in

And I'm letting you sink in


Lily: wow.


Dorcas: ok that’s absolutely gorgeous rem but fucking hell who hurt you


Emmeline: yeah babes do you need a hug I’m pretty sure we’re on the same floor


Remus: lol guys I’m fine it’s just based on this book I’ve been reading recently


Emmeline: mmhmmmmm sure


Lily: we totally believe you love


Dorcas: well either way I’m coming over we’re gonna make chocolate cookies and cry over *book characters*


Lily: oohhh yes band bonding can I come?


Emmeline: if it’s an open invite I’m down


Remus: ok but beware I live with three other smelly boys






I come home a sweaty smelly overall disgusting mess from rugby practice my headphones still in and my glasses off so I can’t see and I walk head first into the love of my life


how could you not warn me she was coming over?


Moony: more fun this way


Pads: I have to agree with Moony on this one the way you ran out of the room was just too funny


Prongs: how dare you mock my pain


Lily Remus Dorcas & Emmeline


Lily: ahh these cookies are fantastic dorco you’re a baking genius


Dorcas: *removes chefs hat and bows humbly*


Emmeline: thanks for having us rem you’re flatmates are so sweet


Lily: that one with the glasses is a bit *odd* though


Remus: lol James is a sweetheart he just gets flustered really easy


Lily: ok that’s kind of adorable


well anyways band practice tomorrow at 3


Remus: yup!


Emmeline: yes!


Dorcas: yes ma’am!


Lily: great see you then loves



Marlene and Remus

marls: hey hey hey Remus....


remus: *sighs* yes I’ll give you Dorcas’ number


Chapter Text



Star: hey Moony?


Moon: pads it’s 3am what do you want


Star: nothing nvm


Moon: fuck I’m sorry I’m just so tired I shouldn’t have snapped what do you need


Star: i had a pretty horrible nightmare I was wondering if you could come lay with me


maybe bring one of your books you could read to me til I fall asleep


Moon: of course on my way

Brothers from another mother


Prongs: so...


Padfoot: shut up




Star: hey moooooony






Moon: yes pads


Star: i wrote some lyrics but i don’t know if I like them would you mind giving me some feedback


Moony: sure shoot


Star: ok so all i have is a chorus


if you want you could stay with me in my bed

if you want to only if you want to

if you want you could go ahead and fix my head

if you want to only if you want to

use some pesticides and throw it my brain

if you want to only if you want to

nightmares keep up at night and I’m going insane

if they try to only if try to


Moon: ok first of all wow


way to go letting the trauma fuel the music


but also I think that last line is a little literal maybe try a metaphor there instead


Star: ooh ok how bout bedbugs keep me up at night and I’m going insane


Moon: ya that’s awesome pads


but ya know you could idk try taking medication or maybe talking to someone


Star: but then what would i write about moonshine?


Moon: right of course forget i suggested anything



Lily Remus Dorcas&Emmeline


Remus: hey i couldn’t sleep last night so i wrote some more lyrics should I send them?


Lily: yes yes yes yes


Remus: ok but don’t get too excited i wrote them at 3am their probably crap


And tell me how you are

And I'll write a song for every feeling I can't name

Like we were dancing in a fucking blood ballet

It was a massacre

How'd you get away

'Cause oh, good heavens we abided by the night

But there are darker things than the absence of light

And they still creak through our halls

I would build a city out of you and me

There would be crime, but still a local grocery

If you'd stay

If you'd stay

Darling, just a little while

Darling, just a little while

Darling, just a little while


Lily and Remus


Lily: those lyrics wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with a certain boy who made you read him a bedtime story would they


Remus: absolutely not


Lily: mhmmmm


Remus: ughhhh


idk Lils he’s just been through so much and it’s like he’s still holding onto it and I just want to hold him and tell him  everything is gonna be ok


Lily: oooh rem you’ve really got it bad


Remus: i do i really really do

Chapter Text



Prongs: Alright men


today marks the start of Halloween week


not just any Halloween week but our final one as hogwarts students


we will not be properly living up to our glorious marauding reputations if we don’t go out with a bang


so this year we must throw the Halloween party to end all Halloween parties


Padfoot: here here!!


Moony: yes I need to get properly shitfaced


Padfoot: only you Moony would use the words properly and shitfaced in the same sentence


Wormy: i’m in! i’ve been wanting a reason to make those Frankenstein cookies i saw on instagram


Prongs: grand! ours at 8 on Halloween?


pads and i can invite marls and mary


moony you can invite your bandmates


Moony: sure


Prongs: oh and pads invite reggie i miss him


Padfoot: only if you promise not to get pissed and snog him like you did last time


Prongs: ugh fine i’ll snog moony instead


Brothers from another mother


Padfoot: low fucking blow prongs


Lily Remus Dorcas&Emmeline


Remus: hey so my flatmates are throwing a Halloween party you’re all invited


Dorcas: dope i’m in


Remus: lol who says dope


Dorcas: i do


got a problem with that moon man?


Remus: suddenly i think dope is the coolest word in the english language


Lily: lmao me and em are in


Remus: cool


or should I say dope


Dorcas: yes you should


Black Plague


Siri: reggie!!


Reggie: wtf do you want


Siri: we’re having a Halloween party wanted to see if you could come


Reggie: will james be there 👀




Reggie: fine i’ll just snog remus


Siri: aqfghugfv why is that everyone’s go to


Reggie: lmao yea i’ll be there


want me to invite my band?


Siri: don’t even joke snivellus is not allowed within 300 feet of the marauders lair


Reggie: lol see u then bruv


Best band ever


Sirius: Halloween party at me and Jamie’s flat be there or be ⬛️


Marlene: and why should i listen to you bitch boy?


Sirius: dorcas will be there


Marlene: should I bring anything or...


Mary: lmao I’m in


James: great and remember no costume no entry


Cooler than the marauders


Mare: are you guys going to james and sirius’ Halloween party?


Lils: yep!


Emm: mhmm


Marls: only to see the hot person in Remus’s band


Mare: ok what are you wearing




Mare: 🥁🥁🥁


Marls: 🥁🥁🥁


Emm: 🥁🥁🥁



Mare: ok get it ms.frizzle


Emm: yessss


Lils: thank you thank you


what about you guys?



channeling Kiera knightly in pirates of the Caribbean


Mare: cute cute


ok my turn


Emm: yesss bitch get it


now I feel basic



Mare: it’s ok you’re still hot 🥵


Lils: no flirting in the group chat


Brothers from another mother


Padfoot: i can’t decide on a costume


Prongs: prongs potter costume expert at your service


Padfoot: ok option 1

and option 2

Prongs: definitely option 2


Padfoot: ok ok thanks babes


Prongs: anytime


Best band ever


Mary: me marls lily and emm are on our way


Lily Remus Dorcas&Emmeline


Dorcas: omw


Lily: us too!




Star: mooiooby you loik so prwtty


Moon: lol pads ur drunk


Star: no your jyst hoy






see toyalky siver


Moon: ok give me a second im getting you water


Cooler than the marauders


Lils: jsmes is kunds cute


Mare: ooh grt it luls


Marls: just made out with the prettiest person ever and I’m not even drunk suck it bitches


Prongs and Moony Inc.


Moony: i think i did something really stupid


Brothers from another mother


Padfoot: i think i did something really stupid

Chapter Text



Star: mooiooby you loik so prwtty


Moon: lol pads ur drunk


Star: no your jyst hoy






see toyalky siver


Moon: ok give me a second im getting you water


Remus left his comfortable spot on the sofa next to Dorcas with a lame apology and went in search of Sirius. He found him in the kitchen shot glass in hand laughing loudly with his hand on Kingsley Shacklebolt’s forearm.


A sudden surge of jealousy and protectiveness overcame him as he walked over carefully removed Sirius’s hand looked Kingsley straight in the eye and said “No”. He then grabbed two bottles of water from the case by the door and gently lead the other boy away from the kitchen and in his to bedroom.


“Moony are you finally going to have your way with me?” Sirius asked as Remus sat him on the bed. Remus tutted and shook his head but there was a fond smile playing on his lips. He walked into the adjoining bathroom to grab the bottle of paracetamol.


“Take one now to stave off the headache and sober you up a bit. And I expect you to drink both of these bottles of water” he said in his best imitation of James “you can go back out there if you want but I’m cutting you off for the night”.


Sirius shook his head as if Remus had said something remarkably stupid “Why would I want to be out there when I could be in here with you?” He said sounding almost entirely sober and so incredibly sincere it made Remus’s heart flutter.


“Ok pads I’ll grab us some food to dry you up and then how bout we watch some parks and rec?” Sirius nodded vehemently making Remus promise to grab some of Pete’s Frankenstein cookies and laid his head on the pillow.


When Remus had returned with some sandwiches and whole plate of cookies Sirius had setup the episode with the snake juice saying he thought it seemed fitting.


They sat there on the bed and watched at least 10 episodes as Sirius’s words slowly became clearer and he edged ever closer to sobriety. “Ya know Moony you remind me of Ben” Sirius said about 9 1/2 episodes in.


Remus groaned “Oh god I hope that’s a compliment but it really doesn’t sound like one” he responded laughter evident in his tone.


“Oh it is. Ben’s so smart and sensible but he can loosen up and have fun when he wants to. Not to mention he’s downright sexy”


Remus snorted “yeah well that’s where he and I differ”.


Sirius looked him in the eye all traces of humor and alcohol induced fog gone from his face. “I don’t think so. I don’t think so at all” he said leaning closer.


Suddenly too hot and cooped up in the room Remus pushed himself off the bed adjusting his collar. “You should get some rest pads or you’ll really hate yourself tomorrow.” He said and headed for the door. Behind him he heard Sirius call out Moony but he was already gone.

Chapter Text



Star: So last night


Moon: pads i know you. you get flirty when you’re drunk there’s no need to apologize.


i know it didn’t mean anything you would’ve done the same with James or Pete


Star: oh yeh right


well im still sorry


i mean i would never flirt with you sober lol


Moon: hah yea as if right


Star: so we’re good?


Moon: yup. all good.





Prongs: ahhh what a beautiful day


how are my fellow marauders on this fine morn


Wormy: i think there’s vomit INSIDE my shoes


Padfoot: prongs would you be a deer (haha) and shut the fuck up for the foreseeable future


Prongs: no such luck my darling padfoot


you see last night i had a truly amazing encounter with the enchanting Lily Evans


I’ll admit it would have been even more pleasant if she were slightly less pissed but I digress


so this morning i propose our dear Moony form a group chat with us and all his lovely band mates


pads and i will add Mary and Marls too


Moony: errrrr why can’t you do it

too early

need coffee


Prongs: ahh but see my beloved moonshine i anticipated this there is coffee and a triple chocolate muffin waiting for you


Moony: you James Potter are a saint


Prongs: but first you must put me in a group chat with the love of my life


Moony: you maniacal little bastard


Prongs: love youuuuu


Remus created a new chat

Remus added James

Remus added Sirius

Remus added Peter

Remus added Dorcas

Remus added Lily

Remus added Emmeline

Sirius added Mary

Sirius added Marlene


James: hello my lovelies as most of you know I’m James Potter I hosted the epic party you all attended last night


I had a great time meeting and hanging out with you so i had our darling Remus create a group chat


so how’s bout we introduce ourselves name pronouns fun fact and Instagram?


Marlene: god you’re like a middle school English teacher


James: incredibly charismatic good listener and father figure to young queer students hell ya I am


Marlene: christ fine i’ll go first Marlene she/her  my insta is @marls.mck and my fun fact is I made out with the hottest person


Mary: really? i don’t remember the two of us making out


Sirius: sorry marls but that definitely didn’t happen I’m very very gay


Marlene: fuck you both i was referring to this goddess over here @dorcas

Dorcas: awe thanks babes but i beg to differ. it was in fact i who made out with the hottest person in the group chat


i mean come on look at her


anyway I’m Dorcas I use she/they my insta is @dorkymeadowes and my funfact is I own every mitski and phoebe album on vinyl


Mary: you good babes?


Dorcas: better now that i got to make out with your best friend


James: lmao ok I’ll go next as I said I’m James I use he/him my Instagram @j_prongs_potter and my fun fact is i raise unhealthy baby deer back to health when I’m home for the summer


Cooler than the marauders


Lils: ummm what??


you’re not allowed to look like this

and care about animals what the fuck is he playing at


Mare: awwwe lily’s got a crush


Lils: shhhhh


Remus James Sirius Peter Lily Dorcas Emmeline Marlene and Mary


Lily: aw how sweet


I’ll go next Im Lily I use she/her pronouns my Instagram is @lilyevans and my fun fact is I’ve seen Taylor Swift in concert 5 times




sorry prongs im stealing your girl


James: umm not my girl lol don’t know why you’d say that


Sirius: right right


not like you were talking to her and no one else all night


Peter: and u didn’t spill your drink on her once! progress


Mary: lmao I’ll go next I’m Mary the actual hottest person in the group chat she/her @marymacdonaldhadafarm and my fun fact is ive made out with all the girls in the chat and Sirius


Sirius: and without you i never would’ve realized women absolutely do not do it for me so im forever in your debt


ill go next im Sirius he/they @siriuslyhot and my funfact is that Moony’s dad was my gay awakening


Remus: WHAT THE FUCK?!!?


ewwwwww oh god why


James: ngl moons Lyall is a dilf


Peter: he’s literally just Remus with gray hair and reading glasses


James: exactly


Emmeline: im so confused by you 4’s relationship lol


I’ll go next Im emmeline she/her @emmy_vance and my fun fact is that i actually made out with the hottest person in the group chat last night @Mary


Lily: WHAT NOW!?!?


Marls: fucking finally the flirting was too fucking much


Peter: relatable content


im Peter he/him @theratking and my funfact is I’ve seen ratatouille 347 times


Remus: it’s true I was there for 346 of them


Im Remus he/him @remymoonman and my funfact is that I relate way too heavily to Ben Wyatt




Star: so you took some of what i said last night siriusly


Moon: maybe a bit


Chapter Text

Unknown Number & Sirius Black


Unknown: Hey Sirius its Kingsley I don’t know if you remember but you gave me your number at the party the other night


Sirius changed unknown number to Kingsley


Sirius: oh hey yea i was a bit pissed but im glad you reached out


Kingsley: me too I’ve been trying to chat you up since year 9 lmao


Sirius: really?!


Kingsley: ummm babes have you seen yourself






Prongs: way to go mate Kingsleys fit


Wormtail: Sirius literally everyone thinks you’re hot you don’t have to tell us every time


Padfoot: ummmm yeah I am objectively incredibly hot so of course most of the school notices but wormtail this is Shacklebolt


he was literally my first real crush


Moony: he’s a bit of a prick


never got what you saw in him


Prongs: his face


Wormtail: his abs


Padfoot: his hair


Prongs: his eyes


Padfoot: his arse


Moony: ok ok you’ve painted quite the picture


I still think he’s a pretentious sod


Padfoot: says the boy who still refuses to listen to Taylor Swift


Moony: im not pretentious im just picky


Wormtail: mmmmhmmmmm



Brothers from another mother


Padfoot: does Moony seem jealous??


Prongs and Moony Inc.


Moony: bloody Shacklebolt with his hair and his earrings and his stupid vests


Brothers from another mother


Prongs: don’t know where you got that idea


Chapter Text

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary


Sirius: heyyyyy who wants to watch sing street and get totally hammered





Moon: you alright pads?


Star: course moons why wouldn’t i be


Moon: sing street is your comfort movie and you’re talking about getting shitfaced on a tuesday


Star: it’s nothing


just my birthday is tomorrow


Moon: really?! i had no idea


Star: no need for the sarcasm mr.moonpie


i just… don’t feel ready to be an adult ya know


Moon: i get it


will having a total rager this weekend for your birthday make you feel better


Star: immensely


Brothers from another mother


Prongs: this sudden need to get plastered wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with a certain instagram flirtation this morning


Padfoot: ugh am i that obvious


even moony asked if i was alright


Prongs: oof and what did you say


Padfoot: that i’m scared to be an adult


which is total bullshit but now he’s gonna let me throw a rager so it’s ok



Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary


Lily: sure :) me emm mary and marls are in


Dorcas: i’m down


James: since it’s at our flat me and the boys approve


Sirius: perfect get your asses over here



Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary


Sirius: can the two couples stop being so coupley


Marlene: umm mare do you smell something


Mary: oh yeah it’s really strong


Emmeline: i smell it too


Dorcas: i think it’s coming from sirius


Marlene: ahhh i’ve got it this reeks of homophobia


Sirius: babes i’m literally gay


Lily: shut up and watch i’m invested


Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary


Lily: i cant believe i’d never seen that movie before


it is now in my top 10


Dorcas: i’m still mad connor and eamon didn’t end up together


Marlene: fucking facts they were so cute


Emmeline: “wanna write another song?” “always” brb sobbing


James: and the way they looked at each other while playing brown shoes there is no straight explanation for that


Peter: they kinda remind me of Sirius and Remus




Sirius: lol moony and i don’t have nearly that amount of unresolved sexual tension


Remus: by which he means we don’t have any


Sirius: right yeah


purely platonic



James and Lily


James: hey evans?


Lily: james we’ve gotten hammered together twice i think we’re at the point where you can call me lily


James: oh um ok so lily?


Lily: yeah?


James: mary and emm liked each other for a long time before getting together right


Lily: oh god since our second year rooming together it was unbearable


James: how did you deal with it


Lily: i got tired of the pining and locked them in a laundry cupboard at your halloween party til they sorted their shit out


James: wow that sounds surprisingly simple


Lily: yeah but their not as emotionally unavailable as remus and sirius you may need something more sophisticated


James: very true


Lily: lucky for you i’m an evil mastermind

Chapter Text

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary




Sirius: 🥰 muah i love you husband


Remus: happy birthday pads :)


Lily: Happy birthday Sirius!!


Mary: happy birthday ex lover




Marlene: happy birthday you wanker



The Black Plague


Reggie: Happy bday bro


i don’t say it enough but i really love you


i’m proud of you. for getting out for not leaving me behind for living your own life


you’re just a really great brother and a really great person


Siri: fuck reg i’m crying right now


thank you


and of course i didn’t leave you you’re my baby brother


do i sometimes regret putting you and james under the same roof absolutely but i would never leave you there alone


Reggie: damn it sirius now i’m crying


oh and also i got you a present


Siri: oooh what is it???


and it does anything to do with why i hear a weird sound coming from the living room????


Reggie: maybe…




Reggie: do you like him?


Siri: reg i’m in love


does he have a name?


Reggie: yeah


it’s bowie






Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary








James: i helped reg plan the whole thing i’m glad you like it :))))


Sirius: LIKE IT?!? James i could kiss you right now




Dorcas: ^^^^^^


Sirius: well we’re having a party saturday you’ll all meet him then


Remus: oh yeah speaking of saturday caradoc and i have been texting a bit and i was wondering if i could invite him?


Sirius: oh. sure



Sirius and Kingsley


Sirius: hey i’m having a party saturday you should come


Kingsley: I’d love to

Chapter Text

Kingsley and Hestia


Kingsley: Hes






Hestia: if you want my attention you know what you have to say


Kingsley: jfc


oh Hestia all powerful goddess of home and hearth i’m in need of your assistance


Hestia: much better


what do you need mortal


Kingsley: wtf do i wear to Black’s party


Hestia: oh you must really like him you never worry about what to wear


Kingsley: i do i like him so much


like yeah he’s gorgeous but he’s also like the best songwriter in our year and he’s so funny


and i know at the last party he was only really flirting with me cause he was drunk but god it was so great hes


Hestia: oh babes


please be careful


i haven’t seen you down this bad since frank


i don’t want history to repeat itself


Kingsley: i know


but even if he’s just using me to make lupin jealous at least he’s using ME


now help me choose an outfit


this one


or this one


Hestia: the first one for sure


Kingsley: thanks babes 😘


Caradoc and Benjy


Benjy: hey is the whole band invited to blacks party or just you and kings


Caradoc: i’m not sure lemme check


Remus and Caradoc


Caradoc: hey rem :)


Remus: hey …..


i tried to think up a cute lil nickname for you but there is absolutely no good way to shorten Caradoc


Caradoc: lmao you could just call me babe ;)


Remus: oh ummm yeah i guess i could


Caradoc: so i was wondering if the whole band is invited to this thing


Remus: sirius invited shacklebolt already so i don’t see why not


Caradoc: great thanks babe



Caradoc and Benjy


Caradoc: yeah


Benjy: ok help


Regulus is gonna be there i have to look hot


Caradoc: back up you like regulus???


Benjy: ummm i’m sorry have you seen him

i mean look at that of course i like him


Caradoc: holy shit benjy has a crush!!!!


Benjy: yea yea now stop teasing and help



or no glasses

Caradoc: no glasses all the way


Benjy: mwah thanks love

Chapter Text



Prongs: so padfoot you’ve got some explaining to do


Padfoot: what?


Prongs: were you really so pissed you don’t remember cause if that’s the case i will not hesitate to bash kingsleys face in


Padfoot: oh THAT


no i DEFINITELY remember i just thought what you all saw was pretty self explanatory


if it wasn’t i’ll go right ahead and tell you we snogged :)


Prongs: is that it?


Padfoot: yeah i wanted to do more but he said we were both pretty pissed and he really likes me so he wanted us to be able to remember it


Prongs: AWWWWW that’s almost me levels of sappy


Wormtail: that’s sweet ngl i wasn’t totally expecting that from shacklebolt


Padfoot: me neither really when he said he’d been trying to chat me up for years i thought he just wanted to get in my pants but he seems… smitten 🥰


Wormtail: im happy for you mate


Prongs: wbu moons how’d things go with dearborn


Moony: he asked me on an official date


we’re going to dinner on wednesday


Wormtail: congrats moons you two would make a great couple


Prongs: i have one tiny concern


Moony: yeah?


Prongs: Caradoc is gonna be a hard name to scream out during climax




Wormtail: get that horrifying image out of my brain


Padfoot: he’s not wrong


oh caradoc harder


it’s just too many syllables


Moony: what and Sirius is easier


Padfoot: oh i think you’ll find it very easy to scream out my name


Wormtail: ok that’s my cue


Prongs: wormtail i’m offended?


you didn’t even ask how i fared with evans


Wormtail: that’s because i don’t particularly care mate


Prongs: sucks for you cause i’m gonna tell you anyway


i was so bloody nervous to see her again we had a moment at the movie night and i thought tonight i’d make my move


Padfoot: what is this a fucking wattpad fic text normally arsehole


Prongs: uggh fine so i took a few shots when she walked in to calm my nerves


and then reggie texted me and REFUSED to make out with me


and we all know 3 drink james is a bit sensitive so i may have gotten a bit weepy and evans came over to see what was wrong and long story short


Lily and Sirius


Lily: hey is james in love with your brother


Chapter Text

Sirius and Kingsley 


Sirius: hey :)


Kingsley: hi


Sirius: i had a lot of fun last night


Kingsley: me too


Sirius: would you um maybe want to go out sometime?


Kingsley: wait a minute is THE SIRIUS BLACK nervous to ask someone out


Sirius: i’m not nervous ….


Kingsley: you’re blushing right now aren’t you?


Sirius: ….no


Kingsley: god you’re adorable


Kingsley: now you’re definitely blushing


Sirius: no comment


Kingsley: yes i’d love to go out with you Sirius



Brothers from another mother


Padfoot: guess who’s got a date tonight!!!!


Prongs: i know it’s not me and lily cause she’s convinced i’m in love with regulus


Padfoot: oh my god why do i even ask


Prongs: sorry sorry i’ve just been listening to folklore and it made me really emotional


anyway who’s got a date?


Padfoot: me and shacklebolt!!!


Prongs: oh




Padfoot: i know you’re sad about evans but i thought you’d be a bit more excited for me


Prongs: i am it’s just


that boy likes you pads… like really likes you


are you sure you want him to be your rebound from moony it seems a little cruel


Padfoot: first of all i’m not rebounding there’s nothing to rebound from moony has never and will never see me that way and i’m over it


secondly i would never use someone like that i thought you knew me well enough to know that


Prongs: well i know you’d never mean to but you’re kind of blind to these things


you didn’t know mary was totally head over heels for you in year 9 so you kissed her just to see if maybe you liked girls too and totally broke her heart


Padfoot: mary macdonald is immune to having her heartbroken by a man


Prongs: maybe she is now but she wasn’t at 13


Prongs: and you never even realized how much you hurt her


i just don’t want you to do that to kingsley he seems like a good bloke


Padfoot: he is


that’s the reason i asked him on this date


it had nothing to do with moony


when i tried to kiss him at the halloween party and he turned me down i knew i had to move on


and then this really sweet and funny and bloody gorgeous guy shows interest in me


Prongs: well i’m really happy for you pads you deserve this


Padfoot: thanks babe now help me pick an outfit


or 2


Prongs: 1 for sure


Moony and Prongs inc


Moony: can i come to your room for cuddles and sad pixar movies


Prongs: i have triple chocolate ben and jerry’s in the freezer


Moony: i love you


Prongs: i know 💖  

Chapter Text

James and Lily


James: hey lils




Cooler than the marauders


Lils: god i hate men


Marls: what did snape do this time?


i’ll punch his lights out


Emm: i’ll help


Lils: it’s not sev


it’s james


Mare: potter


but he’s such a sweetie


Lils: i thought so too i really did


i mean he was adorable and all flustered whenever he saw me


and at sirius’ party i was going to tell him i liked him but then he starts crying on my shoulder about how regulus won’t kiss him


all the flirting those little moments he was just leading me on trying to make reg jealous


Emm: did he tell you that?


Lils: no but it makes sense doesn’t it


Marls: not at all


Lils: what do you mean?


Marls: that time at the boys flat when you first met him?


he got all flustered and stuttery


Lils: yea…


Marls: reg wasn’t there


Mare: or at the movie night when you’re fingers touched reaching for the popcorn and he couldn’t talk in complete sentences for the rest of the night


Lils: you’re my best friends you’re supposed to be on my side


Emm: we are lils of course we are we just don’t think you’re thinking clearly


Lils: i’m clearer than ever thank you very much


honestly it was less logical to think he liked me in the first place


im a fat girl here on scholarship and he’s the captain of the rugby team his family owns a mansion i mean i was being delusional thinking he’d ever like me






she left her class so she could come over here and slap me!!


Mare: and if you ever talk about my best friend like that again i’ll break your fucking nose


you are gorgeous lils i mean seriously you were the first girl i ever had a crush on


Marls: same


Emm: ditto


Lils: wait seriously


Mare: you were all of our sexual awakenings but that’s a conversation for another time


anyway don’t say you’re on scholarship likes it’s something to be ashamed of


it means you had enough talent that they were willing to give money away so you could grace their barren elitist hellhole


so james potter should be falling on his knees even if you even dane to give him a second glance


Marls: he kinda already is


Lily: thanks loves maybe i’ll give him another shot but he’s gonna have to work for it


Lily and James


Lily: what is it potter?


James: oh umm i guess we’re back on a last name basis ok


i just wanted to tell you we have to call off operation moonstar


Lily: wait really but it’s foolproof


James: i have no doubt in your magnificent scheming abilities evans but their both seeing other people and it feels wrong to interfere


i just want them to be happy and if it’s not with each other than that’s ok


Lily: that’s more mature than i expected from you james


James: you called me james are we good again


Lily: it was a slip of the tongue don’t get used to it


James: i promise i won’t



Chapter Text



Moony: help






Padfoot: at your service my moon man


what do you need


Moony: my date is tonight and i’m freaking out


what do i wear


how the fuck do i talk to him


what if i look like a pig when i eat


Prongs: ok deep breaths moony


first wear this outfit it makes you look incredibly hot

Moony: prongs no that outfit makes me look like my dad


Padfoot: i don’t see the issue


Moony: i’m too freaked out to be disgusted


Padfoot: moony you have absolutely no reason to be freaking out


you’ve been texting with caradoc for like a month


you flirt on instagram constantly


Wormtail: it’s nauseating


Padfoot: not my point


my point is he’s obviously super into you and even if you massively shit yourself he’ll still want to snog your brains out


Moony: really?


Padfoot: yeah ofc :)


Moony: thanks pads



Brothers from another mother


Prongs: you good there buddy?


Padfoot: why wouldn’t i be?


Prongs: it can’t be easy to reassure the guy your in love with that he’s gonna do great on a date with someone else


Padfoot: i mean yeah but i’m having a lot of fun getting to know kingsley and moony is one of my best friends and if he has a shot at being happy i want him to take it


Prongs: when the fuck did you get so mature


Padfoot: when i finally stopped pining like an idiot


Prongs: well i’m proud of you



Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary


Mary: guys guys guys guess who me and emm just saw out at puddifoots




Emmeline: nope! our very own remus lupin with the gorgeous caradoc dearborn!


Peter: ummm yeah we know


Mary: you knew?!?!


James: umm yeah we’re his best friends


Mary: gasp?!? and you didn’t tell us?


who else is dating that we don’t know about


you and pete?!


lily and sirius?!


Sirius: sorry evans i’m a taken man


Lily: what?! since when


Sirius: on monday i went out with kingsley


and he brought me coffee tuesday morning


and we were up till 5 on the phone last  night


James: excuse me??? why was i not told about coffee or the late night talks that’s absolutely boyfriend behavior


Dorcas: yea sirius you better lock that down he’s a keeper


Sirius: yeah… yeah i really think so

Chapter Text

Brothers from another mother


Padfoot: prongs i need your advice


Prongs: what’s up you’re being all sirius




fucking autocorrect


Padfoot: i really like kingsley


like really like him


at first i was just trying to move on and get over moony and i didn’t think it would work but he’s been so sweet and we’re really similar but not in a way that drives me completely insane and we just sort of fit…


Prongs: that’s great pads what’s the problem?


Padfoot: well he hasn’t been in anything close to a relationship since like two years ago when he was seeing frank longbottom and apparently he was falling hard but frank had been in love with alice for years and was just using him to make her jealous and he’s not the most open or trusting and i don’t know how to get him to believe me when i say im in this


Prongs: well have you told him about moony


Padfoot: ….no


Prongs: pads he’s trusted you with really personal stuff i think the only way to prove you deserve that trust is to open up


Padfoot: yea you’re right


fuck this is gonna be hard


Prongs: i believe in you



Sirius and Kingsley


Sirius: hey kings so i’ve been thinking a lot about what you told me about frank and i’m really happy that you felt you could trust me with that


i want to open to you too i’m just not sure how


Kingsley: sirius you’ve opened up to me plenty i know all about your shitty family and all your friends and even how you got that ridiculous adorable nickname you don’t have to tell me anything more than that if you don’t feel ready


Sirius: no no i want to


i haven’t dated anyone seriously in well…


now that i think about it i’ve never dated anyone seriously


(please no puns i know it’s hard to resist)


it’s not because i’m some fuckboy who’s scared of commitment and can’t settle down or some deep seated fear of intimacy instilled by my horrible abusive family although actually that probably does play a role


but it’s because basically for as long as i can remember i’ve been in love with Remus


i hooked up with people every now and then but i made sure that if he ever decided he wanted me i was available


but over the past couple months i’ve realized that i can’t keep waiting for him to change his mind


i’m gonna be completely honest at halloween and my birthday i was trying to take my mind off him and i was using you but then we actually started hanging out and i just feel so stupid for waiting this long because you’re amazing and i really like you


Kingsley: well it means a lot that you’re willing to tell me that i mean i kinda already knew most of it but it’s still sweet


Sirius: wait what?


Kingsley: i’ve heard the songs you write sirius it’s obvious you’re not some emotionless fuckboy and i’m not blind any idiot can see the way you look at lupin but i’m still glad you told me ☺️


Sirius: oh well ok great


Kingsley: and sirius


Sirius: yea?


Kingsley: i really like you too



The best band ever


Sirius: guys i wrote another song


Mary: i see we’ve completely dispensed with greetings now


Sirius: sorry macdonald i’m just excited


Marlene: alright let’s hear it


Sirius: You're saying

You've been through this before

You gave away all your secrets

To someone who up and left you in pieces

I know the feeling, believe me

I know the prices you've gotta pay

I'm sacrificing my freedom

And all just to get somebody to see me

Nobody said it was easy

My heart's been broken and broken and broken and broken

But I keep, keep on hoping and hoping and hoping and hoping

That if it keeps on breaking and breaking and breaking and breaking

That one day it'll open and open and open and open and open for you


I know we've both been afraid

But we can't run from the wind and the thunder

When we're dancing under the rain, the rain, the rain


I know we got what it takes

Ain't gonna run from the wind and the thunder

When we're dancing under the rain, the rain, the rain

We're dancing under the rain



Brothers from another mother


Prongs: is that…


Padfoot: nope its not about moony :)

Chapter Text

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary




Lily: ugh what now potter i’m studying










Remus: *sigh* snowball fight




James: that’s incredibly violent but whatever gets you on board


Dorcas: well now i have to make sure my girlfriend doesn’t get hurt… or much more likely hurt anyone else


Mary: i was looking for an excuse to get out of doing my homework anyway


Emmeline: i’m in!


James: evans?


Lily: ughh fine


James: YESSS!! let’s do this shit!!!



Cooler than the marauders


Mare: am i the only one seeing this @lils


Emm: you most certainly are not


Marls: it’s nauseating


i don’t think i’ve ever hear lily giggle before


i don’t like it


Emm: oh come on marls it’s cute


Lils: all of you shut up


that’s just my laugh


Mare: mmhmmm sure it is


Lils: i’m silencing this chat



Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary


Dorcas: Remus that was the best hot coco i have ever had in my life if i wasn’t extremely gay for marlene i’d marry you


Marlene: and i’d allow it if you made me coco and sugar cookies


Remus: thanks guys it’s actually my mom’s recipe


Sirius: ughh hope lupin what a legend


James: also a total milf


Remus: you guys seriously need to stop objectifying my parents


James: but lyall and hope are hot as fuck just pure bi panic


Lily: well show the rest of us we’ll be the judge of that


James: gladly


ladies and gentlemen the icomporable Hope Lupin-Howell

Marlene: …. wow


Dorcas: i second that


Mary: remus are you perchance in need of a step mother


Lily: i’d let that woman rail me


James: me too evans me too


Sirius: and now for the piece de resistance




Emmeline: fucking hell!!!


Marlene: im a lesbian but DAYUMMM


Dorcas: i just go so much gender envy


Remus: you know what two can play at this game


feast your eyes on the incredibly dilfy fleamont potter


Lily: oh damn


Mary: that is one sexy man


Sirius: god that man is gorgeous


James: sirius he’s basically your dad


Sirius: yes and?


Peter: queen effie is not getting enough appreciation and we must correct that

Sirius: yes effie slay!!!


Remus: i adore euphemia potter


Lily: james your parents seem so sweet


James: you should meet them :))


Lily: i’d like that :)



Remus Lily Dorcas&Emmeline


Lily: so i know the song writing is usually Remus’s forte but i came up with something if you guys wanna hear it


Emmeline: ummm yes!!!


Dorcas: lay it on us lils


Lily: ok so i was thinking something like


A brown-eyed boy with a contagious laugh and a specific hat

A brown-eyed boy feels just like home, comes with a welcome mat

A brown-eyed boy


that’s all i’ve got so far

with like a soft ukulele instrumental


Remus: are you perhaps referring to this boy and this hat?

Lily:… no

Chapter Text

Caradoc and Remus


Caradoc: hey babe are you free tonight?





Star: hey moons are you busy right now



Caradoc and Remus


Remus: sorry no i’ve got loads of homework but we can grab lunch tomorrow?


Caradoc: alright don’t work too hard x





Moon: no what’s up pads?


Star: I want to ask kingsley to be my boyfriend


Moon: oh.


and you’re telling me this because?


Star: i’m shit at the romantic stuff and james is absolutely no help


Moon: sorry pads idk ask mary


Star: oh right ok


thanks anyway




Hottest hoes at hogwarts


Sirius: mary i need romantic advice


Mary: ooh spill


Sirius: i’m gonna ask kingsley to be my boyfriend i want it to be special and sweet but not too big and public and embarrassing


Mary: hence why you’re asking me not james


Sirius: exactly


Mary: ok well there’s the classic simple just take him out to a nice dinner and make it official


Sirius: when have i ever done anything that could remotely be considered classic or simple


Mary: right right forgot who i was dealing with my apologies




put together a little picnic maybe on the grounds by the lake


candles flowers the whole shebang


fancy alcohol maybe even some chocolate covered strawberries


Sirius: mary you’re a genius


Mary: thanks for finally acknowledging it


Kingsley and Sirius


Sirius: are you free tomorrow?


Kingsley: for you i can clear my schedule :)


Sirius: ok meet me at the whomping willow at 2 xx


Kingsley: you gonna tell me why


Sirius: nope :)



Caradoc and Remus


Remus: i got my homework done early if you want to come over


Caradoc: omw x



Brothers from another mother


Padfoot: where’s the picnic blanket?


Prongs: why?


Padfoot: i need it


Prongs: for what?


Padfoot: ugh fine i’m making kingsley a romantic picnic to ask him to be my boyfriend






Padfoot: just come help me find the bloody blanket


Prongs: right coming




Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary


Sirius: can we just take a moment to appreciate my boyfriend

Mary: HE SAID YES??!!


Sirius: he did 🥰


Mary: ahhh i’m so happy for you too


my turn


let’s take a moment to appreciate my beautiful girlfriend

Emmeline: ehh she’s ok but i think my girlfriend is hotter

Marlene: let’s take a moment to appreciate my stunning partner

Dorcas: girlfriend appreciation moment

Lily: feeling very single right now


James: lily evans appreciation moment

Lily: awe james you’re a sweetie


james potter appreciation moment

Remus: boyfriend appreciation moment

Peter: wait what


James: wait what


Lily: wait what


Mary: wait what


Marlene: wait what


Dorcas: wait what


Emmeline: wait what

Chapter Text

Incoming call from Caradoc


Hey love


Umm hey Rem. I was just wondering if you might know why I just got several menacing texts from your friends saying if I hurt you there’s be hell to pay?


Ok so I may have told them that you’re my ummm boyfriend.”




Yeah. I’m sorry I know this is just a casual thing but they were all bragging about their significant others and I don’t know it just sort of happened.


You know this doesn’t have to be just a casual thing if you don’t want it to be?




I mean if you really just said it so you wouldn’t feel like a third or I guess 9th wheel then I get it but I’d be willing to try the whole boyfriend thing if you are


Oh. Ok. Yeah let’s try it


end call





Star: i didn’t get the chance to say it in the chat but






Moon: oh umm thanks pads


and for the record i’m really excited for you Kingsley


Star: thanks moons that means a lot


oooh idea!!


Moon: i’m listening


Star: we should go on a double date


Moon: oh umm idk i mean it’s really new


Star: ok well think about it :)


Moon: i will



Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary


Mary: i miss bowie


Emmeline: yeah can we have a movie night to hangout with bowie i miss my son


James: please it’s been a long week movies and puppy cuddles is exactly what i need right now


Sirius: sure


Peter: i’ll make cookies


Marlene: pete your an angel


Sirius: why are you only nice to him?


Marlene: because he feeds me


Sirius: fair


anyways be at ours in 30


Lily: will do!


Dorcas: can’t wait! i made bowie biscuits


Sirius: he’s waiting patiently


The marauders


Moony: is everyone seeing this?


Padfoot: that’s definitely cuddling


Wormtail: wait who i’m in the bathroom fill me in


Moony: james and lily


Wormtail: ah should’ve guessed



James and Lily


Lily: tonight was fun


James: yeah it was


Lily: we should do it again maybe sunday?


James: sure should i text the group chat


Lily: umm i kinda meant just the two of us

James: oh yeah yeah i can do that

Lily: great




Chapter Text



Prongs: help Help HELP


Moony: fucking hell prongs it’s 7 am


Prongs: yes which means i only have 12 hours to prepare for my date with lily


12 hours to pick the perfect movie


12 hours to get all you idiots out of the flat and clean it from top to bottom


12 hours to pick an outfit


oh god it’s not enough time


i should have started planning last night


Padfoot: bloody hell



Cooler than the marauders


Mare: what is this i hear about a certain lily evans having a date with a certain james potter




Marls: WAIT REALLY?!?!?


Lils: umm yeah i asked him out it’s no big deal





Wormtail: what are you gonna wear?!


Padfoot: are you gonna make her dinner?


Prongs: i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know this just has to be perfect



Cooler than the marauders


Mare: ummm it’s a huge deal


do you need us to come over and do your makeup


or help you pick an outfit


Lils: guys seriously it’s just a movie night i might even go in sweats


Marls: not that you wouldn’t look breathtaking but maybe don’t do that


Emm: yeah i mean james is definitely already head over heels for you and would totally fall harder even if you showed up in pjs BUT I WANNA HELP PICK OUT A CUTE OUTFIT





Prongs: ok so here are my outfit options

option 1

option 2

option 3


Moony: go with option 3 it matches your eyes


Padfoot: no no option 2 option 3 washes him out



Cooler than the marauders


Lils: i don’t wanna be too overdressed i just wanna be comfortable


Mare: no you’re wearing this dress


Emm: no no no you’re wearing this dress


Marls: i like this outfit it’s comfy but still cute and sexy but not like you’re trying too hard like yeah you’re trying but like it’s almost effortless


Lils: marls that’s actually perfect


ok ok i have an hour come over so we can gossip and do my hair







Prongs: afburvnllkugbfthhcsqwfvbujn


Moony: i take it the dates going well


Prongs: she’s currently asleep with her head on my shoulder


we were watching dead poets society and talking about how anderperry were soulmates and then she yawned and put her head on my shoulder and then she fell asleep


guys she’s so perfect



Lily and Remus


Remus: i take it the date went well


Lily: what makes you say that


Remus: you’ve been listening to you are in love and enchanted on repeat


Lily: no comment

Chapter Text

Kingsley and Sirius


Sirius: i’ve just realized we’ve been dating for like a week and we still don’t have a cute chat name


Kingsley: that’s truly a travesty


so love what do you suggest


Sirius: awfhydbiijnlogv


Kingsley: you alright there?


Sirius: sorry pet names are my weakness


Kingsley changed “Sirius” to “love <3”


love <3: i’m fine i’m fine i’m fine


Kingsley: totally believe you


love <3 changed “Kingsley” to

💕 boyfriend 💕


love <3 changed chat name to hottest couple at hogwarts


💕 boyfriend 💕 : damn right we are




Padfoot: head empty no thoughts just pretty boyfriend


Prongs: damn pads you’re down bad


Padfoot: i am and i don’t even care he’s so cute


Wormtail: everyone’s coupled up it makes me so happy :)


if not a little nauseous


Prongs: god i can’t wait to go on double or triple or quadruple dates with everyone





Star: you alright moons?


Moon: yeah why?


Star: i can tell you’re reading all the texts in the chat and you’re not answering


is everything alright with you and caradoc?


Moon: of course yeah we’re great


Star:…. convincing



Remus and Caradoc


Caradoc: wanna hangout tonight?


Remus: sure


Caradoc: my dorms empty we can watch Brooklyn 99 and drink hot coco


Remus: yeah that sounds perfect :)



Lily Remus Dorcas&Emmeline


Remus: hey hi hello i wrote another depressing song


Lily: *sigh* let’s hear it


Remus: Pitch black, pale blue

There was a stained glass, variation of the truth

And I felt empty handed

You let me set sail

With cheap wood

So I patched up every leak that I could

'Til the blame grew too heavy

Stitch by stitch I tear apart

If brokenness is a form of art

I must be a poster child prodigy

Thread by thread I come apart

If brokenness is a work of art

Surely this must be my masterpiece

I'm only honest when it rains

If I time it right, the thunder breaks

When I open my mouth

I wanna tell you but I don't know how

I'm only honest when it rains

An open book, with a torn out page

And my inks run out

I wanna love you but I don't know how

I don't know how

No I don't know how

I don't know how

I wanna love you but I don't know how

I don't know how

I wanna love you but I don't know how

I wanna love you but I don't know how

I wanna love you


Dorcas: so i take it things aren’t great with caradoc


Remus: …..

Chapter Text

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary


Emmeline: does anyone wanna hangout i’m procrastinating writing my music theory thesis


Lily: ooh what’s your topic


Emmeline: why hozier as a straight man is so appealing and relatable to sapphic audiences


Dorcas: wait that’s so dope!!!


Remus: ughh that sounds so fun i wish i’d taken advanced music theory instead of intro to production


Lily: same i love good 20 page essay


James: how am i attracted to you?


doesn’t matter i am


Emmeline: back to my original question my girlfriend is in class and i really don’t want to have to actually work


Dorcas: sure i just made some *special* brownies i can bring over


Remus: oh fuck yes i’m so down to get stoned


Sirius: sounds fun can i bring kingsley?


Emmeline: sure the more the merrier


Remus: actually i probably shouldn’t


Marlene: but i thought you were and i quote so down to get stoned


Sirius: you can invite caradoc if you want moons


Remus: ok yeah fine i’ll come


Peter: me too :)


James: hooray!!! pete makes the best munchies snacks


Lily: i’m in


Marlene: obvs i’m in too


Mary: i can’t believe y’all are getting high without me




Marlene: mary you’re not american don’t say y’all


Sirius: i second that


Mary: oh yeah what y’all gonna do about it?


Marlene removed Mary


Marlene: much better




hottest couple at hogwarts


love <3: wanna come get high with all my friends??


💖 boyfriend 💖 : more than anything



Remus and Caradoc


Remus: some of my friends are gonna hangout dorcas made pot brownies you can stop by if you want


Caradoc: ok :)



Cooler than the marauders


Lils: i’m soooo uncomfortable right now


Marls: yea this is hard to watch


Mare: wait what’s going on fill me in


Emm: babe aren’t you in class


Mare: yeah but it’s binns so i can assure you whatever’s going on there is infinitely more interesting


Lils: ok so everyone’s here getting stoned and remus and sirius both brought their boyfriends


Mare: uh oh


Marls: uh oh is right


Lils: it was fine at first we were all laughing and eating peters bacon cheeto nachos


Mare: i’m sorry what?


Emm: what’s not to understand their nachos with bacon sour cream velveeta cheese and cheetos instead of tortilla chips


Marls: aka the ultimate munchies snack


Lils: anyway so then kingsley decides to be all cute and feed sirius


Marls: it was nauseating


Emm: it was very sweet


Lils: and the whole time remus is just shooting daggers at him with his eyes


and then he starts like AGGRESSIVELY making out with caradoc


and calling him babe and love and laughing way too hard at all his jokes


Mare: yikes


Lils: yeah like he’s so clearly trying to make sirius jealous but sirius hasn’t looked away from kingsley like all night


Mare: wow


Emm: mmmhmmmm



Remus and Caradoc


Caradoc: did you get back to your dorm safe


Remus: yeah


Caradoc: ok can i call you?


Remus: sure


incoming call from Caradoc




Hey we need to talk


That sounds ominous


It is




Yeah oh. Look Remus I think you’re great and getting to know you has been fun but I think we have to breakup


What? Why?


You know why Rem


…yeah yeah I do


I think you’re amazing. I’m not gonna lie I’m pretty hurt that you used me and led me on like that but I’ll get past it and then I’m sure we could be great friends


I’m so sorry Care I really did like you I just


Love him




Do me a favor?




Don’t wait too long


To do what


To tell him

Chapter Text

hottest couple at hogwarts


love <3: are you awake?


💖 boyfriend 💖 : is this a booty call?


love <3: i mean it can be


💖 boyfriend 💖 : what’s going on love?


love <3: nightmares


💖 boyfriend 💖 : i’m on my way


love <3: you don’t have to


💖 boyfriend 💖 : sorry babe i’m on my bike can’t text rn




Prongs: pete you beautiful bastard


Wormtail: huh?


Prongs: you’re making us bacon for breakfast god i love you


Wormtail: umm prongs i’m at the auditorium working on lighting cues


Prongs: but i smell bacon and you’re the only one who cooks




Moony: i highly doubt someone would break in and make us breakfast


Padfoot: shit sorry i just woke up


that’s kingsley please don’t attack him


Prongs: wait kingsley came over at 9 just to make us breakfast you better be careful pads or i’ll steal him away from you


Padfoot: actually he was already here


Prongs: oooh padfoot you floozie


Padfoot: not like that christ i was having a nightmare so he came over and cuddled me back to sleep




Moon: i didn’t know you were having a nightmare


Star: it’s alright moons kingsley was here


Moon: you know you can still tell me and i’ll come lay with you


kingsley lives all the way across campus i’m right here


Star: i know i just thought Caradoc might not be the most understanding of you sleeping in bed with a gorgeous bloke who’s not him


Moon: oh umm caradoc and i broke up


Star: what?? when?? why??? are you ok?


Moon: i’m fine it was mutual we were just both so busy prepping for the showcase it didn’t seem like the best time


Star: well if you need to watch the 2005 pride and prejudice and cry just let me know


Moon: i’m actually in more of a 1995 colin firth miniseries mood


Star: you do love that lake scene




Star: this afternoon pillow fort ben and jerry’s and colin firth


Moon: i’d like that



hottest couple at hogwarts


love <3: thanks for last night


and this morning


i really needed that


💖 boyfriend 💖 : of course love


i’m always here


love <3: i just wanted to let you know moony and caradoc broke up so we were thinking of maybe having a movie night to cheer him up


it would be just the two of us but if you’re not comfortable with that i can invite james and pete and you maybe even the girls


💖 boyfriend 💖 : why would you wanting to spend quality time with your best friend when he’s having a hard time make me uncomfortable?


love <3: well because… you know


💖 boyfriend 💖 : because you had feelings for him?


love <3: yea


💖 boyfriend 💖 : love i trust you i’m not gonna be the kind of boyfriend who freaks out because you two are close


love <3: you’re amazing you know that?


💖 boyfriend 💖 : i believe you’ve mentioned it once or twice


love <3: come over when the movies over?


💖 boyfriend 💖 : is THIS a booty call


love <3: unquestionably






Prongs: why is wormtail curled up in a ball on the floor wearing his noise canceling headphones and rocking back and forth


Wormtail: two words thin walls


Prongs: got it



Remus Lily Dorcas&Emmeline


Remus: hey hi hello wrote another song


Dorcas: i love your music but have you considered therapy?


Remus: LOL


anyway here’s the lyrics


You're blowing smoke rings in the corridors, I feel so cold

How come it rains inside? The house is full but I'm alone

With all the shit that still needs fixing out of my control

It takes a hold of me, it takes a hold of me

The same old sad songs I cling to

'Cause I just wanna be out

I just wanna be out of the picture

And no, I'm not just gonna lay here and bite my tongue

I only wanna be here when he's gone


The walls are way too thin

Oh, I get down, I get down when he gets you high

I'm bored, I'm ignored, I'm being out my mind


The walls are way too thin

The walls are way too thin


Dorcas: alright then


Chapter Text

Dorcas and Remus


Dorcas: i’m coming over


Remus: hi dorcas how’s your day going? oh that’s good to hear and how are things with marlene? well that’s great


Dorcas: open the door lupin


Remus: why?


Dorcas: because you’ve been listening to ICU by phoebe for the last three hours and you need to get out


Remus: why can’t i cry to phoebe in peace


Dorcas: oh you absolutely can but you’re gonna do it with me in my car driving with the windows down and screaming the lyrics


Remus: i knew we were friends for a reason



Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary












Sirius: never related to a lyric more in my life


James: honestly it’s like phoebe is singing directly to you


Remus: wait pads i thought you didn’t listen to phoebe


Sirius: kingsley made me a playlist with a lot of her stuff turns out i should’ve listened to all of you when you said i’d like her


Dorcas: and we’ve switched to moon song i have to go


Lily: oh lord should i come over


Dorcas: don’t worry lils i’ve got it handled


Lily: if you say so



Remus and Dorcas


Dorcas: get back to your dorm safe?


Remus: yeah thanks for tonight cas it really helped


Dorcas: anytime


and if you ever wanna actually talk i’m available


Remus: i don’t think i’m ready yet but thanks for the offer love


Dorcas: of course


can i ask one question though


Remus: sure


Dorcas: it’s sirius right?


Remus: what is?


Dorcas: the reason we were crying to phoebe tonight


Remus:… yeah


Dorcas: oh love


Remus: i know

Chapter Text

Lily and James


James: Hey lils


Lily: hey james what’s up


James: do you happen to have any plans this lovely friday evening


Lily: not yet but that could change if i get the right offer


James: lily evans would you like to spend your friday evening with me


Lily: idk i might just wanna stay in with the girls


James: oh yeah of course i don’t want to interrupt


Lily: chill i’m just pulling your leg love of course i’ll hangout with you on friday



Remus and Lily


Remus: what did you to james???


Lily: what do you mean?


Remus: he just squealed really loudly and dropped his phone


he was on the top bunk


i think you may have broken his screen


Lily: i didn’t break anything!!


all i did was call him love


Remus: and you expected him not to squeal and throw things across the room??


Lily: he really likes me doesn’t he?


Remus: oh you have no idea



Lily and James


Lily: is your screen alright


James: how did you????






Lily: i actually find it quite cute




Lily: James?


James: sorry dropped my phone again


Lily: it’s almost too easy




friday i’ll pick you up at your dorm


Lily: do i get to know where we’re going


James: no sorry it’s a surprise



The best band ever


James: are you guys free on friday?


Mary: yeah why do we have band practice?


James: no i need a favor


Sirius: what is it prongs


James: i’m gonna ask lily to be my girlfriend




Marlene: HOLY FUCK!!




Marlene: what do you need from us


James: come over in 10 i’ll fill you in



James and Peter


Peter: ok i booked the auditorium for friday at 6pm and i’ve been practicing the lighting cues you wanted but i can’t get mcgonagall to budge on the no open flame rule


James: ugh bummer probably a wise decision though i wouldn’t trust me with fire either



James and Alice


James: hey alice it’s james i hope you don’t mind i got your number from frank he told me your grandpa owns a flower shop


Alice: hey james yeah he does what’s up?


James: i need to place a very large order



Cooler than the marauders


Lils: do you guys have any idea what James is planning for this date i don’t know how to dress for it


could you guys come over and help me pick an outfit


Mare: sorry babes got tons of studying to do


Marls: i’m having a date night with cas sorry


Emm: i’m still writing that essay


but send us outfit options


Lily: ok so he didn’t tell me where we were going but he didn’t say dress comfortable so i’m assuming it’s not something athletic


so i was thinking maybe this dress

or this one

or this one

Mare: the second one


Marls: the second one


Emm: the second one


Lils: ok thanks loves





James had told her he’d pick her up at 5:50 so by 5:45 she’d done her hair and makeup and put on her lucky socks. She knew it was probably stupid but she’d worn them the day she first met James and on their first date and they’d served her well. At 5:49 there was a knock on the door. She slipped on yellow heals to match her dress and opened the door. In front of her stood James Potter, his hair had clearly been tamed or at least subdued and he wore a light blue button down shirt that was just slightly too tight on his forearms. He was smiling at her, all slightly crooked front teeth and adorable dimples and she wondered how on earth she’d gotten this lucky.


“Y-you look…” he started but trailed off unable to form words. Her hair was curled in loose waves that fell down her shoulders and she wore a yellow gingham dress that looked beautifully bright against her pale freckled skin. She smiled at him, all glossy pink lips and twinkling green eyes, and he wondered how on earth he got this lucky.


“You too” she said til smiling “So do I get to know where we’re going yet?” James’s soft smile morphed into a mischievous grin.

“You’ll see”.


As they walked they chatted idly about their school week and the upcoming showcase until they arrived at the school auditorium. James grinned widely and held the door open for Lily who looked at him skeptically as she stepped inside.


The first thing she registered was the complete darkness. She could barely make out the chairs around her and could only tell James was still there by his hand resting reassuringly at her waist. Then she heard the soft music, a melody she recognized but was being played so quietly she couldn’t put her finger on it. It slowly grew steadily louder as the lights brightened and revealed the stage.


Her jaw dropped “Is that..?”

“A thousand yellow daisies. You mentioned how much you love Gilmore Girls so I thought…”

“That’s Taylor Swift!” Lily exclaimed as she finally recognized the song Marlene Mary and Sirius were playing on the stage. Enchanted her favorite song ever. The one she’d had on repeat since her first date with James. “James what is this?”

“Lily Evans you are the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You’re so insanely talented and smart and gorgeous and strong and I honestly can’t believe you’re giving me the time of day. You deserve something amazing so I wanted to give it to you. Lily Evans will you be my girlfriend?”


She didn’t bother answering instead she threw her arms around his neck and drew him in to a slow soft perfect kiss.


Cooler than the marauders


Lily: so i have a boyfriend now.




Chapter Text

Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary




as of last night everyone in this group chat is happily coupled up (except for pete and remus but i expect you two to play along)


tomorrow we will be having a 5 way date


all pda is allowed and encouraged (especially from pete and remus i just think it would be hilarious)


Mary: sounds fun me and emm are in


Lily: idk i have to check with my boyfriend first


hey boyfriend do you think we could do this thing tomorrow night


James: hmmm girlfriend yes i think that could be arranged


Marlene: well i hated that


me and cas are in but we refuse to be sappy


Dorcas: awe but marls you’re so cute when you’re sappy


Marlene: ok maybe we’ll be a little sappy


Remus: me and pete are down right honeybun


Peter: anything you say lovemuffin


Remus: eugh lovemuffin really?


Peter: idk i panicked


Sirius: sounds fun lemme check with kingsley


nvm he’s reading over my shoulder he’s in


also can we invite reggie he and benjy made it official last week and i need to make sure he’s good enough for my little brother


James: awww yes that’s so good for reg fenwick’s a catch


Lily: oh regulus has a boyfriend?


Sirius: yeah it’s new they met at my birthday party


Lily: you mean the birthday party where james cried on my shoulder cause regulus refused to make out with him?


James: oh god must we bring that up


Lily: oh yes i think regulus and benjy would love to hear about it


Marlene: i take back the sappy thing tonight’s gonna be hilarious



The Black Plague


Siri: we’re having a big couples night tomorrow bring benjy i have to decide if he’s good enough to marry into the family


Reggie: hello to you too big brother


Siri: don’t take that tone with me young man


Reggie: jfc alright we’ll be there


Siri: YAY!! i’ve missed you


Reggie: ewww emotions


Siri: reggie 🥺


Reggie: eugh fine i’ve missed you too


see you tomorrow





Moony: just checking to make sure we’re on the same page


we’re going all out with this fake couple thing right


Wormtail: oh obviously


we’re coordinating outfits


Moony: this is why i love you pete


Wormtail: my goal is that by the end of the night we’ve convinced benjy we’ve been deeply in love since freshman year


Moony: you diabolical bastard there’s no one else i’d rather have as my fake boyfriend



Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary


Mary: me emm marls and cas are on our way


Lily: me too see you soon boyfriend


James: i’ll be waiting girlfriend


Sirius: ok it’s officially too much you two need to calm down


Remus: are you ready sugarplum


Peter: sure am lovebug



Benjy and Kingsley


Benjy: could you please ask your boyfriend to stop staring daggers at me?


Kingsley: lol sorry he’s just really protective of reg


how are you doing i know this friend group can be a lot for newcomers


Benjy: i’m good i’m a little surprised at lupin though


Kingsley: what why?


Benjy: he and care just broke up and he’s already all over pettigrew have some damn respect


Kingsley: oh yeah i know their still in the honeymoon phase



hottest couple at hogwarts


💖 boyfriend 💖 : screenshot


tell remus and pete it worked

Chapter Text

hottest couple at hogwarts


love<3: kingsley i have a really important question to ask you


fuck i’m sweating


💖 boyfriend 💖 : umm i hate it to break it to you babe but we already made it official and i promised my mom i wouldn’t get married til i graduated


love<3: this is important i need you to be serious


💖 boyfriend 💖 : but that’s your job


love<3: christ never mind


💖 boyfriend 💖 : no no i’m sorry love i’m listening go ahead ask away


love<3: alright


christ this is making me nervous


here we go


would you kingsley shacklebolt do me the honor of allowing me to add you to a massive group chat with all my friends?


💖 boyfriend 💖 : holy shit you weren’t kidding this is big


of course you can add me


so your friends think i’m good enough for you?


love<3: are you kidding?


james and lily are seriously discussing stealing you and forming a throuple


mary wrote you into her will (yes she has a will don’t question it)


pete learned your favorite type of cookie and has been testing different recipes all weekend


and marlene hasn’t insulted you (on anything other than your taste in men) since you and i became official in her book thats pretty close to love


or she absolutely despises you with every fiber of her being but i’m pretty sure its the first one


💖 boyfriend 💖 : and remus approves?


love<3: of course he does they all do


💖 boyfriend 💖 : but you mentioned practically everyone by name and didn’t mention him


love<3: he’s been moody since the breakup with caradoc anytime i bring up dates and you he gets all quiet but it’s really nothing personal


💖 boyfriend 💖 : how do you know?


love <3: he clams up when james gushes about lily too and she’s one of his best friends


i promise he approves of us he just doesn’t approve of everyone being happily coupled once he’s just been dumped


💖 boyfriend 💖 : ok that makes sense i guess


love<3: don’t worry please they all love you now can i add you to the group?


💖 boyfriend 💖 : yes <3


Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary


Sirius: ok everyone be on your best behavior we have company coming


Marlene: tf does that mean


Sirius added Kingsley










Sirius: well this was a failed experiment i’m off to find new friends


Mary: NO!!! i’m sorry i’ll be normal


Kingsley: just out of curiosity though what’s your pinterest username


Sirius: don’t encourage her


Kingsley: mary we’ll continue this in a private chat


Lily: hi kingsley :) we’re really excited Sirius added you to the group chat


Peter: yeah he needs a calming influence


James: we need to do something to commemorate this occasion and also so we can all get to know you better


something big but not too flashy


something fun but that we don’t have to move from our current positions cuddling our gorgeous girlfriends to accomplish


Kingsley: there’s always never have i ever


James: that sounds reasonable


Marlene: i’m always down to humiliate sirius in front of his boyfriend


Peter: i’m in but only because i’ve never done anything embarrassing ever


Remus: you fell asleep naked covered in cheese last week


Peter: that’s not embarrassing that’s entertaining and zainy


Remus: i will play because now peter has issued a challenge i refuse to back down


James: ok the rules are we go in alphabetical order you send the wine glass emoji if you have and nothing if you haven’t everyone clear?


Mary: 👍


Marlene: 👍


Emmeline: 👍


Dorcas: 👍


Sirius: 👍


Kingsley: 👍


Remus: 👍


Lily: 👍


Peter: 👍


James: alright dorcas start us off


Dorcas: never have i ever gotten wine drunk and binge listened to all nine taylor swift albums


Lily: 🍷


is there a reason i’m being targeted obviously no one else here has done that


James: 🍷


Sirius: 🍷


Mary: 🍷


Marlene: 🍷


Emmeline: 🍷


Kingsley: 🍷


Lily: i stand corrected


Emmeline: never have i ever made out with a member of the most noble and ancient house of black


Kingsley: 🍷


James: 🍷


Mary: 🍷


Marlene: 🍷


Sirius: explain yourself mckinnon


Marlene: i will not


Mary: i will she hooked up with narcissa in year 10




Marlene: i’m sorry sirius but you gotta admit she’s hot


Sirius: as much as my mother would love to hear me say that no i will never say my cousin is hot who do you think i am?


Marlene: a member of the Black family


Sirius: touché


James: ooh it’s getting heated my turn


never have i ever written a song about sirius orion black




Sirius: wait prongs really?


James: yeah of course i have


Sirius: can i hear it


James: i’ll send the lyrics once everyone answers


ooh wait actually let’s make everyone who’s done it send their lyrics


Kingsley: i don’t like this rule


Sirius: too bad it’s your own fault for writing songs about me


anyway everyone answer


Kingsley: 🍷


Mary: 🍷


Remus: 🍷


Sirius: this is fantastic i will hold this over all of you forever


lyrics now please


Mary: i’ll go first but let me preface this by saying i was melodramatic and 14


I waited up for your call

You never told me you would

But the way that you smiled was a promise, I swear

Fell asleep by the phone

I missed a message or two

Deleted them 'cause they weren't you

I wrecked my house a hundred times just to see you walk into a room

But there was money in your laugh, so babe

There's nothing else I could do

Oh babe, there's nothing else I could do

(There's nothing else I could)

I miss the shape of your voice

I miss the nape of your neck

I miss the weight of your words

I miss the bruises they left

Started reading the Times

Just to look for your name

I couldn't find it

They must have made a mistake

I broke my knuckles in a fight

You were crying in the back of the room

And now the world is on fire, but babe

There's nothing else I could do

Oh babe, there's nothing else I could do


Sirius: ummm Mary Macdonald why didn’t you tell me you could write songs


Mary: i thought by now you’d know there’s nothing i can’t do


Sirius: very true so who wants to bare there soul to me next


Kingsley: i’ll go


i wrote this the night you told me about your family


I wanna be where you go when you're lonely

I want you to feel at home when you hold me

I know how you get when your mind gets to roaming

I wanna be where you go when you're lonely

If you're lonely

You can call me

Boy, you gave me your love

Now you own me

That shit's holy

That shit's holy

Did you find what I hid in the closet?

All these skeletons, are they a bother?

Drinking wine 'til we empty these bottles

I know you get lost and get low, so

I wanna be where you go when you're lonely

I want you to feel at home when you hold me

I know how you get when your mind gets to roaming

I wanna be where you go when you're lonely

When you're lonely


Sirius: where are you right now and why is the answer not my arms?


Kingsley: on my way


Sirius: don’t think this means i forgot about you guys


prongs moony you owe me lyrics




James: ok but i’m not giving context cause you already know it and you’re the only person who needs to


If you be my star

I'll be your sky

You can hide underneath me and come out at night

When I turn jet black and you show off your light

I live to let you shine

I live to let you shine

But you can skyrocket away from me

And never come back if you find another galaxy

Far from here with more room to fly

Just leave me your stardust to remember you by

If you be my boat

I'll be your sea

A depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity

Ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze

I live to make you free

I live to make you free

But you can set sail to the west if you want to

And past the horizon till I can't even see you

Far from here where the beaches are wide

Just leave me your wake to remember you by

If you be my star

I'll be your sky

You can hide underneath me and come out at night

When I turn jet black and you show off your light

I live to let you shine

I live to let you shine

But you can skyrocket away from me

And never come back if you find another galaxy

Far from here with more room to fly

Just leave me your stardust to remember you by

Stardust to remember you by...


Sirius: i love you so much james so so so much


James: i know


Sirius: ok moony prove to us we saved the best for last


Remus: I wrote this when you ran away from grimmauld during summer hols and i couldn’t see you cause i was visiting family in Wales


it’s a friendship song


just like prongs’s really


umm anyway yeah here it is


Maps stretched out

Too many miles to count

Let's just say we're inches apart

And even closer at heart

And we'll be just fine

Another pin pushed in

To remind us where we've been

And every mile adds up

And leaves a mark on us

And sometimes our compass breaks

And our steady true north fades

We'll be just fine

We'll be just fine

We'll be just fine

We'll be just fine

I know that we will

I just know you will

Time moves slow

When half of your heart has yet to come home.

Every minute's adding up

And leaving a mark on us

I can't get you out of my mind

I can't get you out of my mind

I can't get you out of my mind

I solemnly swear

I swear that i'll never try

We'll be just fine

We'll be just fine

We'll be just fine

And I know that we will

We'll be just fine

We'll be just fine

It's a matter of time

'Til our compass stands still

'Til our compass stands still



Kingsley and Hestia


Kingsley: Hes


Hes i really can’t be bothered with your stupid ritual please just answer me


Hestia: whats so urgent it couldn’t wait for me to get back together with emma vanity


Kingsley: Remus Lupin is in love with my boyfriend



Chapter Text

Kingsley had read the lyrics over Sirius’s shoulder. He’d gotten on his bike and peddled as fast as he could the minute Sirius had even implied he wanted cuddles so now the two were sat on the couch in the living room/common area of The Marauders dorm Sirius’s 5’10 frame fitting perfectly under his chin. He was petting Sirius’s hair and wiping tears from his eyes after reading the lyrics James had sent. Kingsley didn’t have to know the exact context to know that James Potter was Sirius Black’s soulmate in every way but romantic and he truly was so happy his boyfriend had someone who understood him so deeply. Then there phones pinged.


Remus was over-contextualizing his lyrics which didn’t really seem all that odd to Kingsley. James Potter showed everyone exactly who he was and refused to let people judge him for it if he decided something was sacred it simply was no matter what anyone else thought. Remus Lupin however curated, not in the way Sirius curated the detached bad boy persona or Marlene the unfeeling ice queen one but in a way that meant any interpretation you had of him could be correct. His awkward explanation of his song lyrics could mean he was embarrassed to share his writing publicly or that he couldn’t give two shits what anyone else thought of it. Kingsley liked that about him. He was determined to make Remus Lupin his friend. He never really got why Remus didn’t like him they had very similar music taste, they were two of Mcgonagall’s favorite students, they shared an interest in the romantic poets, and understood each other’s references. Then he read Remus’s lyrics and it made sense.


“Hey love I have to go to the bathroom.” he said trying not to sound as panicked as he felt. Sirius put down his phone and turned to look Kingsley in the eye. His expression was unchanged from the one he had on reading James’s lyrics. He didn’t know.

“Alright but hurry back you’re warm”.

Kingsley nodded and tried not to power walk too obviously to the bathroom. He didn’t know. Sirius didn’t know that though James and Remus had both just very clearly professed their undying love for him they meant it entirely differently.  He read the lyrics again. Then again. Then he texted Hestia.



Kingsley and Hestia


Kingsley: Hes


Hes i really can’t be bothered with your stupid ritual please just answer me


Hestia: whats so urgent it couldn’t wait for me to get back together with emma vanity


Kingsley: Remus Lupin is in love with my boyfriend


God typing it made it so much more real. The only person Sirius had ever had real feelings for before him was in love with him. He and Sirius hadn’t said the L word yet, though Kingsley was dangerously close to feeling it, but before they’d really started dating Sirius had said he’d loved Remus so maybe the only person Sirius has ever loved is in love with him too. Fucking hell what was his luck?


His first relationship had been with Hestia and ended with them realizing that though they loved each other a lot they were both gay in the wrong directions and it was turning out to be the smoothest one he’d ever had. His whatever the fuck your want to call it with Frank had been well… complicated. Frank had flirted Kingsley had flirted back Alice had noticed but not cared after all Frank flirted with everyone. Frank kissed him Kingsley kissed him back Alice had not noticed she was too busy making out with Pandora. Frank had shared things, secrets no one else knew, his rugby jumper, unfinished mixes of songs he was working on. Kingsley started to fall and Alice started to notice and care and suddenly Frank was gone. This with Sirius it started similarly yes but then the path diverted hadn’t it? Sirius was the one who had made it official, the one who initiated at least 60% of text conversations, the one who seemed to be falling harder and faster. He wasn’t someone to fabricate feelings like that he wouldn’t run to Remus the minute he realized he was an option. Would he?


There was only one way to find out.


He splashed his face with water and decided that whatever happened was exactly what he wanted to happen and went back to his boyfriend on the couch.


“You know that’s not a friendship song right?”  he said while stroking Sirius’s hair. He was calm. He wasn’t jealous he wasn’t accusing he wasn’t issuing an ultimatum he was just asking a question.


“What do you mean? Of course I know the song you wrote me wasn’t a friendship song or at least I was hoping oh god did you think when I asked you to be my boyfriend it was because I didn’t have any male friends?”


He laughed and stroked Sirius’s hair some more. “Oh no love everything between you and me is decidedly not platonic. I meant Remus’s song”.


Sirius turned fully around “I know I used to have feelings for him and I know that might make it seem weird that we’re so close but nothing ever happened between us I would’ve told you if it did”


“Oh love I’m not accusing you of anything. I know nothing happened between you two and even if something had it’s none of my business unless it happened while we were together. I’m not saying you two were in a relationship or anything similar to one. I’m just telling you what I saw in those lyrics.”


Sirius looked confused. “Which was?”


“That he’s in love with you. I think you should know that before you decide to proceed in your relationship with me. I want you to be aware of all your options. I really really like you Sirius and I think you really like me too but you told me you loved him those feelings don’t go away immediately they might never go away at all so I think we should take a break while you let yourself feel everything and then-“


“No! no no breaks. Remus isn’t in love with me and even if he is I don’t care I want you!”


“Thank you for saying that love and if you still think it once you’ve heard everything he has to say tell me then.”


“Kingsley don’t leave I lo-“


“Sirius if you’re going to say it because you really feel it and you know for certain that you do go ahead but if you’re going to say it because you think it might be true and you know it will stop me from doing what I’m doing don’t.” Kingsley was fighting to keep the calm demeanor he’d established in the bathroom. He needed to stay calm. “You’re not the only one who has to figure out how you feel I do too. I need to figure out if I’m ok being in relationships that start as ways to make people jealous. I need to figure out if it not ending that way is worth the feeling completely worthless at the beginning. I’m not saying any of this because I think we should absolutely not be together or because I want you to choose me right now because you’re afraid of losing me please know that.” He put every once of sincerity in his body into that sentence looking Sirius dead in the eye both crying.


Sirius nodded. “So how short of a time is too short for me to have let myself feel all my feelings and just me being scared and lonely?” he gives a watery chuckle


“Anything under a week and a half” Kingsley responds with a teary laugh of his own.






“I really like you Kingsley”


“I really like you too Sirius. I’m gonna go you do what you need to do” He got up kissed Sirius’s temple and walked out the door.

Chapter Text



Star: where are you?


Moon: slughorn’s class why


Star: can you leave?


Moon: Sirius tell me what’s going on


Star: I just really need to talk to you and I think this is a conversation that should be had in person


Moon: He won’t let me leave but he’s giving me 15 minutes to step outside and “gather myself” call me


Star: I really think we should do this in person


I can wait til you’re class is over


incoming call from Moon


Sirius tell me what’s going on


Moony I can’t do this on the phone I promise as soon as you’re back from class-


You’ve been crying


Is that a question?


No. I know you I know you’ve been crying and now you won’t tell me what’s going on. Fuck Slughorn I’m leaving I’m coming back to the dorm-


Remus are you in love with me?


W-what? Why would you ask me that?


That’s not an answer”


Sirius you’re with Kingsley you’re happy why are you-


That’s still not an answer


Well the question is stupid so I’m not going to dignify it with an answer!


It’s stupid?!


Yes it’s unbelievably stupid!!


Why why is it so stupid?


Because you’re my best friend because I’ve known you since we were 14-


It’s really so unfathomable that you could ever have feelings for me?


Because you’re in a sickeningly happy relationship-


Stop bringing that up


I won’t stop bringing that up you can’t be happily cuddling with your boyfriend one minute and asking me if I’m in love with you the next






Kingsley said we should take a break


What? But you’re so all over each other I really thought you two we’re gonna say you loved each other


Yeah I thought so too and then he read your lyrics




Moony are you in love with me?


What do my lyrics have to do with anything?


Please answer the question


I already told you I’m not going to answer that question!






Tell me why it’s stupid




Remus if the answer was obvious to me I wouldn’t be asking




Not at all


call ended

Chapter Text

This is not a chapter I just wanted to let everyone know I’m changing my Remus fancast. I still love Matt as Remus but I think Yoke Lore is a better fit for this fic I’m changing all the Remus pictures to my new fancast

Chapter Text

Brothers from another mother


Prongs: pads are you ok?


i was with lils and mary came home and told me i should go be with you she told me about what happened with you and moony


Padfoot: wait what how does mary know


Prongs: she’s in slughorns class you two weren’t exactly whispering


do you need me to come home?


Padfoot: no you stay with your girlfriend i’m gonna go watch andrew garfield movies and cry


Prongs: god you love that man


Padfoot: he’s a national treasure


not to mention the sexiest man alive


Prongs: you know who he kinda looks like?


Padfoot: just don’t prongs


i know you love moony and i do too don’t think i ever stopped but what he did was cowardly and cruel


he’s felt this way for who knows how long and he waits to say anything til i’m finally happy and getting over him


and sending those lyrics in a group chat with my boyfriend


who fucking does that


i mean he could’ve lied


Prongs: and tarnish the sacred pact to always honor the never have i ever integrity agreement i think not


but speaking of how is kingsley?


Padfoot: i have no fucking idea


he was so calm and collected i couldn’t tell anything he was really feeling


and a break? what does that even mean


Prongs: i’m not the one you should be asking


Padfoot: yea you’re right



hottest couple at hogwarts


love <3 changed the chat name to “WE WERE ON A BREAK”


💖 boyfriend 💖 : oooh i call rachel


love <3: ugh fine but under protest


💖 boyfriend 💖 changed name to “rachel”


rachel changed love <3 to “ross”


rachel: so what’s this about love


ross: oh umm i just what did you mean by a break?


rachel: what do you mean?


ross: like what are the ground rules


can we still hangout and text?


are you gonna be seeing other people?


should i be seeing other people?


rachel: ok slow down love


first of course we can text


hanging out is a little more complicated


i’d say groups are fine but no hanging out one on one until we’ve figured everything out


and yeah we probably should be seeing other people i mean the whole point is to see if we’re better off together alone or with someone else and we can’t exactly do that if we haven’t explored our options


ross: right ok thanks for clearing that up


rachel: no matter what happens we’ll stay friends i’m so happy i got to know you sirius


ross: and i you kingsley

Chapter Text



ross: there’s one more thing we need to talk about


rachel: what’s that?


ross: do you want me to remove you from the group chat?


rachel: oh ummm good question


do all your friends know what happened


ross: mary knows so yeah everyone knows


rachel: it’s really up to you love


i really like your friends they seem to like me


but you need space so i’m more than willing to leave


ross: i think that might be best


rachel: of course


Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary Kingsley


Kingsley left the chat


Mary: oh no it’s really over


Sirius: it’s not over we’re just taking a break


Mary: what does that mean


Sirius: it means we’re gonna take time apart and see other people and in a couple weeks we’ll talk and see if we want to be together or not


Moony and Prongs Inc.


Moony: see other people?


wtf does that mean see other people?


Prongs: i think that’s something you have to ask him yourself moons


but maybe give him time he’s pretty pissed off at you right now


Moony: yeah yeah you’re right time


Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary


Dorcas: you’re both free to see other people you and kingsley?


Sirius: i hate to break it to you meadowes but you’re not his type


Dorcas: no not me my twin brother dylan


James: you have a twin?


Dorcas: yeah he goes to beauxbatons academy of dance he worked on a music video with kingsley last year and has had a massive crush on him ever since


Dorlene Mckinnowes


Marlene: what are you doing?


Dorcas: what does it look like i’m trying to set up dylan and kingsley


Marlene: cas they literally just broke up


Dorcas: yeah but they agreed it’s ok for them to see other people and dylan really likes him marls


Marlene: i know he’s your brother and it’s your duty to help him out but i’m just trying to look out for sirius


he’s the closest thing to a brother i’ve ever had


Dorcas: don’t you have 4 actual brothers?


Marlene: i said what i said


Dorcas: look love if sirius says he’s not ok with it then i won’t bring it up again ok


Marlene: ok but you should probably let dylan down easy now cause sirius is never gonna ok this


Remus Sirius James Peter Lily Dorcas Marlene Emmeline Mary


Sirius: is he hot?


Marlene: he’s dorcas’s twin of course he’s hot


Sirius: i’m gonna need photographic evidence




Sirius: oh damn


and he really likes kingsley


Dorcas: completely mad about him thinks he’s some kind of musical genius


Sirius: yeah alright give him his number


Dorlene Mckinnowes


Marlene: i stand corrected