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Bake Your Dream Man

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What would you do if you were able to bake yourself the perfect man? It sounds ridiculous, right? Humans are not made of dough, most certainly not.

They are highly complex beings, made of water, muscle, tissue, blood, fat, bone, and god knows what else. It takes a woman and a man, horny and fertile to create a tiny human, another nine months for it to develop and be born.

Not even highly advanced, super-intelligent humans hidden away in secret laboratories were able to just make a human. Right? Probably.  

Still, here he was in his small kitchen, baking ingredients spread out on the counter, with his best friend by his side in the presence of a huge, evidently old, ancient book.

It obviously had seen better days. Filled with supposedly real old black magic?

Handed down from generation to generation, treasured, passed down in secrecy this in leather-bound, ominous-looking collection of paper.

Now it had found its way into Ga On's hands. His late mom, whom he never met had gifted it to him.

Just his luck, typically. Like books did not torment him enough already.  

Soo Hyun, his best friend since toddler days, came over for their weekly 'Get drunk and complain about the world (mostly men)' fest. One thing led to another and as almost every weekend alcohol started to flow freely and greatly, one bottle of wine became two and after three the young adults stopped counting.  

So with alcohol-influenced bravery (idiocy, more likely), they decided to bake themselves a dream man. After Ga On pulled out that stupid book he got a week earlier, in jest.  

That's how he found himself in said situation, hands coated with sticky batter. The spell, or recipe really, was funny enough quite simple.

Nothing fancy, like him as an avid fantasy book fanatic would have thought. No blue eyes of a small child, tears of a virgin or dragon's blood, no nothing extraordinary, special or unrealistic like that.

All you needed was the batter, intention, and a drop of your blood. That's it as easy as simple cookie dough.  

So here they were with the oven heating up in the background waiting for Ga On to be able to bake his dream man.

A pained and annoyed sigh left his mouth. This whole thing took them no more than fifteen minutes. A snort escaped the young man because of the ridiculousness of it all. Desperation was probably a good motivator to come up with something ridiculous as this.  

He most definitely was not desperate, not at all! Yes, he wanted a boyfriend. A none cheating bastard, which slept with anything with a dick between their legs, stole money, and was lazy.

Yes, you guessed it he got conned, online no less. Just someone that genuinely loved him and was dedicated & good in bed (yes, he was still a virgin, still at some point that would change, right?) and cherished him.

He was not bitter at all, no sir. This was just fun. A fun way to spend one's weekend. To relax and decompress. Everybody did things like that.

Millions were probably doing the same thing right now. For sure!  

A little rougher, with a little more fist than necessary, he formed his perfect man.  

"I'm done." came the slurred exclamation from the short-haired woman, Soo Hyun, his friend, right next to him. He looked over and spotted her creation.

"Three legs, he has three legs?" "That's not a leg Ga On, that's one big dick. If I bake myself a man he should have a huge cock."

With redding cheeks, Ga On pushed his best friend and gently slapped her over the head. "You are kidding right?"

"No, everything else I don't care about." "Seriously?" Yeah, Seriously nodded the young female. "You are drunk." "Obviously, or why else would we be here, doing this?" Right, she was of course right no sober person would do such a thing. Alcohol had to be involved.  

As Ga On finished his creation for a short moment he contemplate also adding a third 'leg', he had no experience with the said leg but.., he sighed, long and drawn out, other than his own of course, he is a healthy young man, with a snort, he stopped himself.  

The light on the old oven signaled that the oven had reached the wished temperature. It was time to put their little dough men into the oven and bake themselves their dream man.  

Grabbing his and Soo Hyun's sheet he went over and placed them into the heated stove. He got his timer and went back to the tome grabbing his wine glass on the way. His eye went back to re-read the open page.  

In Black and white, in cursive, perfect lettering stood,

To make yourself the most perfect partner you need: (Your magic)*  

1. Water   

2. Flour   

3. Salt or Sugar  

4. Backing Soda  

5. Chocolate or Vanilla   

6. A drop of your blood   

7. and the most important ingredient: once Intention, do not underestimate the power of once wish.    

 

"Choose your ingredients carefully, mix them well together, the measurements you decide them for yourself, the most important component is your intention. Keep that in mind. After completing the batter form it into the shape of your desired human, imagine their build and characteristics in your mind. Bake them for fifteen minutes, let the form cool down, and afterward eat it. You must eat all of it, leave no piece left over, do not under any circumstances share it with anyone. They will arrive by the next full moon. Beware of the consequences! Everything out of the natural order has its price."      

 

After reading it again, the young man was sure of it a desperate teenager had written this garbage, he had forgotten the total of times his eyes scanned the damned text.  

Ga On drowned a big gulp from his glass, with a tired sigh he heavily sat back onto his chair.

He gazed at his friend who was busy playing with the leftover dough. They are both pathetic, just plain pathetic.

What young adult waste their time, their precious youth at home, baking a human whilst getting drunk?

They should be out and about. His cynical nature had no response to this nonsense. So he sat in silence and waited for the stupid timer to ding. For their ideal man to bake in a goddamn oven. Like pizza.  

 

~  

 

The first thing Ga On's subconscious awoke to was the throbbing pain the drilled into his skull.

He turned around, bright sunlight assaulted his senses, he groaned in pain as he got up from the uncomfortable sofa and made his way into the bathroom.

As he made his way up the stairs out of the corner of his eyes he noticed the horrible mess that decorated his kitchen.  

With heavy feet he shuffled into the dark bathroom, blindly he searched for his painkillers. He downed them dry.

Uncomfortable in his own skin he made his way into his bedroom. Empty.

Soo Hyun already left, a bright neon pink sticky note with "Sorry ♡, ~Soo Hyun" was the only evidence of her presence yesterday. Leaving him to deal with the mess downstairs on his own. What a bitch.  

He dropped onto his mattress with a grunt, pulled the blanket over his head, and went back to sleep. He would deal with the chaos downstairs later after he felt more like a human than a walking corpse.  

The next time the young man regained consciousness was because of the loud ringing from his smartphone right next to his head.

He peeked at the screen, Soo Hyun, that abandoning asshole. He pressed accept and immediately switched to the loudspeaker.  

"Ga On, w-what, what the heck did we do yesterday?" echoed Soo Hyun's panicked voice inside Ga On's bedroom.

"Why?" "Ga On, I have a tiny baked human right before me. How much did we drink yesterday? And what? Did you lace the wine with something? I can barely remember what happened after we opened the second bottle."

Ga On chose to ignore all of those questions. "In front of you?", asked the young man irritated. He stood up and stumbled down the stairs into his dirty kitchen.

"Yeah, in front of me. Did we do anything weird?" The anxiety in Soo Hyun's voice was easily carried into Ga On's kitchen.

Ga On looked around and didn't find his dough man, only an empty sheet, with crumps. Damn, he didn't...

"No, Soo Hyun, we didn't do anything weird, we just had fun, crazy drunk people fun. Throw that thing away, okay? Don't eat it. I'll call you back", not waiting for his friend's response he hung up.  

So Soo Hyun's tiny men was at her home, uneaten. Ga On's was nowhere to be found. Frustrated he roughly combed through his black locks.  

As he cleaned up yesterday's escapade, he searched every nook and cranny for that stupid dream man.

Did yesterday really happen? That stupid old book sat tauntingly on his counter, mocking him as his panic level was rising.

So he ate it, he ate the baked man, his baked dream man. He ate that thing.  

Frustrated and close to tears the young man took a deep breath. It's not real anyway. Magic does not exist and even if under extraordinary circumstances magic happens to be real, he was way too drunk yesterday.

Nothing could have happened. Nothing! That intention the book spoke of, he didn't add that. Hmm, for sure. So, yes he was saved.

Not that magic was a thing of reality anyway. With a deep breath, Ga On went back to cleaning up yesterday's mess and shoved that whole nonsense back towards the tiniest space into the back of his mind.