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still lost in you

Chapter Text

 

 

August 2017 (Present Time)

 

"Well, 'Lost,' is the title of the next demo song. It was Aiden Lee, who used to work with some of your members, including Heechul-ssi with 'Old Movie,' and Kyuhyun-ssi on his pre-enlistment song 'One More Chance,' wrote and composed it."

 

After uttering the brief introduction about the next song, the staff looked down for a second to take a deep breath, whipped her head up in a beat, and glanced at Hyukjae with her face turned beet red. 

 

Being intrigued by the action of the well-known composed staff assigned in their group, Hyukjae decided to trigger his ability to read one's mind to quench his curiosity of the sudden act. 

 

 

'Knowing Aiden Lee, I'm certain that this song is going to be marvelous! I don't know what to feel if Eunhyuk-ssi will pick this song, though. I will be happy for him, sure, his works are brilliantly written so well and deserve to be shown in the world, but I know once I see his face again, I will be reminded of what an idiot I was for asking him out. I'm just glad that he declined politely that time because otherwise-"

 

 

When his head started to throb, Hyukjae forced his mind-reading ability to stop for the sake of his incoming migraine, also to prevent prying to the staff's personal life. Believe him or not, even being inherited of the uncanny capability, Hyukjae didn't like invading one's privacy. 

 

"Uh, Eunhyuk-ssi, shall we continue?" the other staff's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. In Hyukjae's peripheral view, he noticed that the staff's face was now back to normal, looking at the paper inside the folder, acting as if nothing had happened. 

 

 

Good for her. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable in the middle of her workday. I'm just curious as to how talented that songwriter is. After all, he was the one behind Old Movie and One More Chance; besides, I've heard such songs aren't just well-loved and popular among our supporters, but also with the general public. Perhaps, I will have to listen to those later on.

 

 

Hyukjae nodded and signaled the staff to continue, "Together with Aiden Lee, 'Lost,' is also composed by Loey, and lastly, the demo was sung by the vocal producer that is Yesung." The staff then clapped his hands, pressing the play button afterward on the enormous speaker placed on the table.

 

An unfamiliar melody blared through the four corners of the room; a drum beat followed by the strum of the guitar that had managed to steal the idol's attention away. 

 

I can still remember the day you came to me

In my head nor in my heart, it has been erased

I told you, everything's okay, but it's actually you who I miss the most

Even though I want to say no, I can't hide it well

 

Severely I loved you

I know I can't go back,

but why is my heart like this?

Severely I loved you 

You, who could give me everything

You, who could throw me away

I loved you

 

I believed there was no such thing as a farewell

Naturally, I believed so

It became like poison to me,

A song written with only regret

I just let you go, So I won't hold you back again

I told you, everything's okay, but it's actually you who I miss the most

Even though I want to say no, I can't erase you

 

Severely I loved you

I know I can't go back,

but why is my heart like this?

Severely I loved you 

You, who could give me everything

You, who could throw me away

 

If this night passes by a little, will you be forgotten?

If this night passes by a little more, will you be forgotten?

 

Severely I loved you

I know I can't go back,

but why is my heart like this?

Severely I loved you 

You, who could give me everything

You, who could throw me away

I loved you

 

 

The song ended when the speaker played the last phrase, returning the occupied room by five staff and Hyukjae himself to noiseless. Knowing that Hyukjae was meticulous in his craft, the team gave the idol the time to comprehend the demo song and sort out his thoughts before deciding on his own desires.

 

After a minute or so, one of the staff cautiously cleared her throat to gather Hyukjae's attention, "So, Eunhyuk-ssi, what can you say?" 

 

Hyukjae hummed in approval and satisfaction after giving the demo song some thought, admiring how the concept pertained to a long-lost love. "I don't generally do love songs in my solo comebacks, but I surprisingly do like this one. Actually, I consider including some love song in my album this time to be somehow different, and I'm sure my fans would like it, so why not give it a try?"

 

"Right, it's a good idea, plus you will get to work with Aiden-ssi personally since, as far as I know, he had an agreement with the management that he'd keep his identity discreet since he doesn't fancy being in the limelight. In fact, the only ones he had worked with privately were your members, but I've learned that 'Lost' is special to him; hence he is willing to meet and guide the artist who would adopt his prized possession."

 

Hyukjae's curiosity in the said songwriter had piqued once more. However, it was soon forgotten as he remembered the thought in his head when he discovered the song's lyrics.

 

 

I know there are still unanswered questions I want to hear from you even after all these years, and whatever it is or how painful it will be, I'd take it. I just want to see you again. Let me see you just once.

 

 

 

---

 

 

February 2002 (Pre-debut)

 

 

I can still remember the day you came to me

In my head nor in my heart, it has been erased

 

 

"Well, I guess that is enough for today's voice training kids. All of you may now take a break and proceed to your today's next schedule."

 

After sending the instructor some words of gratitude with a polite bow as a sign of courtesy, Hyukjae went to the farthest side of the room, picking up his bag to fish out his bottled water. Before heading out of the room, he would prefer to quench his thirst first and reduce the soreness of his throat that was used for hours. 

 

Being one of the oldest male trainees, Jungsoo chose to wait until the other trainees left the room since he made it his routine to switch off the lights and unplug the unnecessary outlets. When he noticed Hyukjae being alone as usual, he approached the unaware trainee with a warm smile on his face, "Hey, What are you waiting for? Let's go and grab a lunch immediately. The acting lesson will start in twenty minutes."

 

"Mmh, Let's go hyung." 

 

They conversed casually while they headed to the cafeteria, with Hyukjae being reserved while Jungsoo being his usual talkative and caring self. The latter did not mind it, not even a little bit, and did not push the former in any way to speak or open up about himself ever since. Jungsoo took Hyukjae under his wing when he once saw him almost passed out alone in the bathroom in hunger. Although he was short of money at that time, Jungsoo bought the younger some snacks and medicine using his own money because Hyukjae requested not to be brought to the clinic because he was afraid he would be eliminated as a trainee if they'd found out that he was sick.

 

Even though Hyukjae didn't like to be attached to anyone due to his own reasons, he let his Jungsoo hyung be close and near him as he once tried to read the other's mind about his thoughts on him. He found out that his hyung's intention to him was clear, and he genuinely cared about him, much to Hyukjae's relief.

 

While they are eating the L.A. Meal that includes a combination of Japanese fried pork cutlet, fried fish cutlet, and hamburger steak; Leeteuk, with a grain of rice hanging on the left side of his mouth, spoke in a hushed voice, "Hyukjae, listen, remember when you went to the bathroom yesterday while I was still eating?"

 

"Yes hyung, what about it?"

 

"So, I saw a trainee yesterday who cleaned up the messed tables the other ungrateful trainees had left, mind you, twenty tables! I decided to approach the kid since he would be late for the next schedule if he continued cleaning all the other tables left. I-" Jungsoo eyed Hyukjae, worried if the other would refuse his request. "I told him that I'd take care of him. I just can't help it, that kid is unique, and he made me want to adopt in a second and take care of him like I do to you."

 

Hyukjae hummed and nodded his head, having a gist of what the other would ask him, but he let his hyung finish talking, not wanting to meddle and precede.

 

"I, uhm- if it's okay with you, I'd like Donghae to join us two? I know you don't want to befriend anyone, and you only tolerate me most of the time. It's not like the both of you can not take care of yourselves. It's just hard and exhausting here; the training itself and the other trainees are exhausting. I want it to be less difficult for you kids besides, I only have one body. It is kind of impossible to look over the two of you while I'm also trying my best to survive here." 

 

"Hyung, you know you don't have to take care of me all the time." For the first time that day, Hyukjae looked at Jungsoo straight in the eyes. Despite that, there was no malice behind the murmured plea. Hyukjae was just worried sometimes that he might be a nuisance to Leeteuk hyung, making the other trainee more exhausted than he was supposed to be.

 

"It's okay, Hyukjae, you know I really don't mind. So, is it alright with you for Donghae to join us? I'm telling you myself that he's nice." Leeteuk blurted with so much persuasion that Hyukjae would be willing to set aside some of his concerns.

 

As he finished eating while talking with the other, he arranged the used plate, bowls, and the wood chopstick. Hyukjae decided to speak out his main concern about this predicament.

 

"Hyung, you know that I dislike befriending anyone here, also I'm not really good with people, and it's fine because I even planned before not to talk to anyone here unless it's important."

 

Call him pessimistic or any names you want to prefer, but don't blame Hyukjae for being wary of people. He was simply unlucky, or rather fortunate, in that he was able to read people's mind at an early age and therefore discovered the nature of people. He was unfortunate in his life, but at least he could dance and read people's mind.

 

"Hm, I think it's fine not to converse with him all the time; just don't be rude to him considering that he is new here. Wait a minute, I think he has the schedule the same as us. I'll find and invite him to join us so we can go to the acting class together." Hyukjae nodded; when Jungsoo stood up to find Donghae among the crowd, Hyukjae heaved a long sigh that he didn't realize he was holding.

 

 

If Hyukjae's older sister had asked him a year ago if there would be a chance for him to be close around with another trainee, he would straight up laugh at her face and say  it's too impossible to happen; I hate being around people.  But now, Hyukjae will be close around with a new person.  Leeteuk hyung was enough, two is too much.

 

 

The dancer had been dragged out into the trance by a snap of a finger and a wave of hand. Jungsoo and, yeah, the unknown figure in front of him caught his attention. By seeing a straight-haired good-looking lad staring at him with a smile on his face exposing those gorgeous crooked teeth, Hyukjae gaped instinctively, words unable to be expressed by those plump lips.

 

"Hello, My name is Lee Donghae, and you?"

"Lee Hyukjae,"

"Nice to meet you!"

"Mmh, likewise."

 

 

Unknown to fifteen-year-old Hyukjae, the trainee he met on a chilly afternoon of February was a breeze that obscurely had gotten under his skin and would not be erased any time soon.