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Motives

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I wake up inside of a tight, enclosed space. After a minute, I recognize it as the inside of a locker. I try to push open the door, and I fall immediately. I let out a groan as I hit the floor. I hear a seemingly male voice from above me, "Huh? Are you okay?"

I immediately spring up from the floor, putting up my mask, "Nishishi~ Of course I'm okay! I am the Ultimate Supreme Leader after all." The white-haired person in front of me looked almost like a robot. They even had a spiky antenna. "Hm? I've never met another Ultimate before," They put their hands on their hips, "I'm K1-B0, the Ultimate Robot, but feel free to call me Kiibo!"

So they are a robot. They certainly look the part. Their outfit seems like something out of a sci-fi novel. "Well, I'm Ouma Kokichi, and as I said, I'm the Ultimate Supreme Leader. Nishishi~ I have a secret organization with over ten-thousand members!" I proclaim, my hands out, a malicious grin on my face.

"Ten-thousand members!?" Kiibo asked in shock. "Yep! But that was probably a lie. After all, I am a liar," I say. Just then, a bunch of colored bears appear from nowhere. They say that they are the Monokubs and that this is a school for the Ultimates, but I don't really listen to the rest of what they have to say. Eventually, they leave.

I say, "You're a robot huh? I've never met a robot before! I wanna poke you!" I start to chase them around the room, which seems to be a classroom.

"Hey! Wait for meeee!" I say. "Please stop! Don't come any closer," they respond, running around a desk. "C'moooon, wait up! Lemme touch your body a little! I've always wanted to be friends with a robot!" I say. This is so fun. "What!? A robot?" I hear a feminine voice from behind me. It seems while I was chasing Kiibo around some people came in.

There's a blonde-haired girl in pink and a blue-haired girl in black with an emo hat. "...What is it?" Kiibo says nervously, "Are you another robophobe?"

They point their finger at the girl in pink, "I have a recording function. If you make any robophobic remarks, I will see you in court." The girl is pretty shocked, to say the least, "Wait... you're a robot? Are you, for reals, a robot?"

"Are you one of the Monokubs?" the blue-haired girl asks. "Don't compare me to those toys!" Kiibo says, offended, "I am not just any robot! I am K1-B0, the Ultimate Robot! But address me as Kiibo!"

"Ultimate Robot...?" the girl asks. "That's not faaair!" I say, "You can't be the only one who gets to show off!" "Oh, um, go ahead," the girl says. "I'm Ouma Kokichi, the Ultimate Supreme Leader!" I say, spreading my arms out. The blonde girl seems to be leading this conversation, but I think the mysterious girl is waaay more interesting.

"By the way," I say, teasing Kiibo, "I learned the hard way that a robot's breath smells like gasoline." My comment made Kiibo angry, "My breath does not smell like gasoline! I am powered by electricity!" I laugh, "I'm juuust kidding." The robot looks away, "...You're not funny."

"Of course you don't think it's funny. Robots can't understand human humor to begin with!" I say. I'm getting Kiibo angry. "D-don't mock me!" he says, "I have studied the complete history of stand-up comedy!" Studied?

They continue, "Plus, I may have the appearance of a robot, but I am a high school student just like you." "You're a high school student?" the emo girl asks. It seems he doesn't like to talk much. "I was created by Professor Idabashi, the leading authority in the field of robotics," Kiibo says, "He installed in me a 'strong AI', capable of learning and maturing like a human brain. That's why, at the time of my creation, I didn't know anything. I was like a baby. But the professor raised me like I was his own child. He taught me so many things, until finally he enrolled me in a high school. And now I stand here before you all! See? I'm just like everyone else!"

Maaan, this is getting boooring. "Hey, do robots have dicks?" I ask nonchalantly. "Do not ask ridiculous questions!" they said angrily. "Nishishi... I only asked because your backstory is pretty flaccid for a robot," I say. "Hey, Ouma? I don't really understand your Ultimate Supreme Leader Talent..." the weird blonde girl says.

"...Oh, I'm just the supreme leader of a secret evil organization. That's all." I say with a malicious smile. "What?!" she exclaims. "I gotta say, it's pretty impressive. My organization has over 10,000 members!" I say. It's actually only ten members, but they don't need to know that.

"Seriously? The supreme leader of an evil organiza-" she starts, but I cut her off, "Who knows? I am a liar after all." She widens her eyes in surprise, "Huh? So you were lying just now?" I smile, "Well, I am the supreme leader of an evil secret organization. That part was true!"

"So, were you lying or not?" she asks. "Nishishi~ I'm not telling youuu," I say. "Ah, by the way..." the pretty blue-haired girl starts, "What is the name of that organization?"

"It's a secret," I say, "Y'know, because it's a secret organization." "But I've never heard of such a large organization like that..." she says. "That's because it's a secret organization," I say. "Hey..." the girl interjects, "Everything she's said so far has sounded like a lie, so that's gotta be a lie too, right?" Honestly, she's kind of annoying.

"Just leave her alone," Kiibo says, "Everything she's been saying has been a lie... she's a far more suspicious person than I am, that's for sure."

"Aw maaan, you guys are boring," I say. "Well, I'm Akamatsu Kaede, the Ultimate Pianist," the blonde girl says. "Oh! And I'm Saihara Shuuichi, the Ultimate Detective," the blue-haired emo says. They both leave the room, probably going to look for other people. "Weeeell, I'm gonna go too," I say before leaving the room.

I wander around the hallways looking for others. I find a bunch of people! There's Amami Rantaro, who apparently doesn't have a talent. I was gonna tease them about it but they're so boring to tease. Then there's Hoshi Ryoma, this short tennis dude, and Angie Yonaga, an artist who kept rambling on about her god. I didn't really pay attention because I was too busy teasing Hoshi.

Tojo was really nice though. She's almost like a mom, but she's really a maid. Anyways she woke up with this creepy anthropologist called Shinguji. The next room I went into had a girl with braids and a guy in a brown suit. Gokuhara seemed nice enough, but the girl, Chabashira kept calling him a degenerate male or something. She was with some girl called Yumeno who kept going on about magic.

I met this girl named Harukawa in the library and she totally didn't like me at all. She kept giving me dirty looks because I told her she looked more like an assassin than a child caregiver. I was totally right about it too. The cosplayer girl with her, Shirogane, totally agreed with me.

After that, I stumbled into Iruma Miu, who's seriously way too horny, and Momota Kaito, who kept rambling on about being an astronaut even though I'm pretty sure he's still a high schooler.

After all those introductions, I was pretty tired, but those stupid bears popped onto the monitors in the halls and said to go to the gym. I suppose I should head to the gym now. Hey, maybe I'll see that cute detective again!