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Chéngrèn ài

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Eijun loves to read manga's specifically Shoujo manga. Even if the plot of the stories is still the same, it doesn't lessen Eijun's excitement while reading. The Confession, the kissing scene, and the fond smiles of both leads always hit Eijun's Heart. He imagines himself in the same situation confessing to his crush and expecting it to be that romantic.


"I'm sorry, Sawamura, I don't like you" Miyuki's voice rang in Eijun's mind like a bell, his grin that could rival the sun faltering after hearing the older words. Eijun's eyes rounded, and his lips were quivering, forcing him not to cry; he looked down, bangs covering his eyes, heart palpating in his ears. At that, the both of them are quiet. A few seconds had passed when he finally lifted his eyes to face the older.


Miyuki's face is stonecold. No emotions can be seen. His posture screams impatience Eijun berated his self in his head, great, what do you expect. But still, Eijun persisted. He knows he has a hunched Miyuki likes him. He can feel it. The lingering eyes and teasing are just an excuse to see his reactions because Miyuki likes to rile him. The lingering touch and unspoken words.


Miyuki likes his attention to focus on him. Because Miyuki well, Miyuki is Miyuki, he has walls around him, sides that he doesn't want others to see. But, Eijun has seen it all because he let him. Nights in his room were talking about baseball losing his facade, and accidentally sharing himself with Eijun. He lifts his eyes and looks at the latter.


Determined, Eijun raises his hands and clasp Miyuki's left hand " Miyuki-senpai, please don't lie to me. I know you like me you- you bared yourself to me. Wh- why those stares and touch I, tell me I am reading it right " Eijun's voice is pleading, searching the older's eyes for confirmation the silent Yes that he likes him too. But Miyuki harshly took his hands, making Sawamura stumble in his place.


His heart stops.


The night is peaceful, and the wind is cold, hitting his skin. The cicadas are playing the background sound of the rejection scene. Miyuki sighs and adjusts his glasses glinting in the light of the vending machine. He massaged his temple, controlling himself not to lash out, but the latter was pushing his limits. He stared at Sawamura, and he snapped.


"Sawamura, you've been reading it too much, ok. I don't like you. I don't like boys. It disgusts me, and if I ever like boys, I won't like you.


You're loud, whiny, brash, ugly, and you're an idiot too. If I like someone of the same gender, I would like someone mature, not like you. His tone is harsh, and the glint in his eyes is filled with disgust and anger. He continued


"And what you said that I Bared myself to you ? are you being delusional? Miyuki laughs and sneers, eyes full of disbelief. "That time you had yips, you need the confidence to face the mound again as a Catcher. I need to ensure you that you're fine. Physically and Mentally So, I did great lengths and focused more on you to ensure that you're fine."


The last statement hit Eijun's Heart hard. He froze, and his eyes started to shed tears after hearing his words. He cups his shaking hands to his mouth to stop his whimpering. He began to back off from Miyuki and sat down on the bench beside the vending machine.


Eijun's heart hurt. He couldn't believe Miyuki spoke those words to him. Miyuki left without remorse no plan to comfort the boy after he said those ruthless words. Eijun stares at the back of Miyuki while he is walking. At that moment, his heart and mind sing choruses of how an idiot and fool he was.


At that time, Eijun felt Hatred not to Miyuki but for his stupidy. He knows what kind of a person Miyuki is. He has many masks that others can't quickly takedown.


"I guess I didn't know the real you, Miyuki. It's just one of your facades again." He wants to shout to berate the universe ask why, out of all people, why him. Why did he fall in love with that bastard? Eijun sat there for an hour crying.


He is thankful because the other Seido boys were having dinner so that no one could see him in this state. He tries to calm his breathing and beat his heart. His eyes are red, and his voice is hoarse. He walks back to his room to continue his crying.

He needs to mourn his lost love. He needs to mourn for his dead heart.