Their day is always filled with laughter and nothing felt better than being by each other. They are happy. He is happy; but why is he crying in shower?
Pran tears roll down his face as he silently sobbed, not wanting to wake Pat up, who is currently sleeping in his room.
He stare at his tile floor with so much negativity going through his head. He hates the realisation of how his relationship with Pat was merely temporary. It is a reality he couldn’t run away from and a reality that has been eating him alive for the past weeks.
Pran snapped his train of thought as he sighed. He turned the shower off and dry himself, as he repeats the same words over and over again.
Be happy. Don’t make Pat sad.
Be happy. Don’t make Pat sad.
Be happy. Don’t make Pat sad.
It was a mantra and a reminder to put on a mask in front of Pat so he wouldn’t be worried. Because, nothing hurts Pran more than seeing Pat sad.
He took a deep breath, shake off all the negativity and opened the bathroom door only to be surprised to find his bed empty.
As he was walking towards the bed, an arm sneak around his waist; startling him as the person pull him close.
“Pran, why do you always smell so good?” said Pat as he take a whiff of his after-shower scent.
Pran heart melts. Despite being with Pat for almost a year, he still get butterflies whenever he’s around.
His boyfriend gently kissed his shoulder as the hug tightens.
“Why did you take a shower without telling me, hm? We could have taken one together”
“And be late for class? I don’t think that’s a good idea”
Pat suddenly turned him around and a big cheeky smile is plastered his boyfriend’s face.
“What?” Pran asked, curiously.
“Let’s skip today’s classes”
“No way! We already miss too much of it”
“Oh, come on Pran, I miss spending time with you. Let’s skip, pleaseee?”
A giggle escaped as he shake his head at his childish boyfriend.
“We see each other everyday, you practically live here now. What do you mean by missing spending time with me?”
“It’s not the same and you know that. Our friends won’t leave us alone. Please? Please Pran? Pleaseee” Pat pouted and he blinked his eyes repeatedly, silently begging for his boyfriend’s approval.
Pran’s head was telling him no but his heart went haywire at Pat’s cuteness. Call him crazy in love but who could say no to that face.
He sighed and nodded, “fine, but just today. Let’s not make it a habit”
“Yes! Yes, of course! You’re the best Pran!” Said Pat as he pulled him into a tight hug.
“Aow, Pat! You need to take a bath, you stink”
Pat raised his head to look at Pran, before questioning “really?”
His boyfriend grinned, “well too bad” he said as he plants kisses all over his face.
“S-stop” giggled Pran.
“Okay, okay. Fine. I’ll take a shower but after that, don’t expect me to leave you alone” Pat gave Pran a final kiss on the cheek before walking into the bathroom.
Maybe skipping uni is a good idea after all.
“Come on Pat, choose one. I’m starving”
“But I don’t know what I want to eat”
Pat and Pran are currently sitting on the couch, debating on what to have for lunch for the past 30 minutes.
“I’ve given you so many options. Just choose one”
Pran passed his phone to Pat to choose.
“But nothing looks good right now”
“Okay, then let me decide”
“But what if I don’t want what you decided” whined Pat.
Pran sighed at his boyfriend’s behaviour. Pat might be the dominant one in their relationship but Pran definitely leads in maturity.
“Come on Pat! There’s hundreds of restaurants to choose from. Just choose any of them. I’m so hungry!”
“But I don’t kno-“ Pat was cut off by his phone ringing.
“It’s my dad. Give me a second”
Pran don’t know why hearing that made his stomach sink.
“Hey, dad” Pat answered his phone.
Pran silently watched his boyfriend as he tried to calmed himself down. He shouldn’t be reacting like this every time Pat’s family was mentioned.
“I’m in my dorm right now. Class was cancelled” Pran heard Pat lied.
“You want to stop by?” Both of their eyes went wide. Suddenly felt panicked.
“Oh but you can’t come now. I’m doing my assignment with my friend” Pat quickly said.
“I’m with Korn right now” he continued lying.
This wasn’t the first time Pat or Pran had to lie to their parents about each other. It was the only way to keep their relationship a secret but Pran didn’t know why it hurts a little extra today.
He already woke up feeling shit about the scenario he was in and he definitely didn’t need a reminder hours later.
Pat suddenly got off the couch, snapping Pran from his train of thoughts. His boyfriend gave him a small smile before walking into the bedroom and closing the door to continue the call.
Pran knew why. There’s only one sole reason why Pat would distance himself when talking to his family. It is because his dad is talking about him.
It was common and Pat didn’t want Pran to hear anything because nothing pleasant would come out of his dad’s mouth when it comes to Pran.
Pran didn’t move an inch since Pat left. He tried to calm himself down but it frustrates him how he is unable to control his emotions today.
He has pent up all his frustrations regarding their forbidden relationship for so long and it is about time when he finally explodes.
He finds it unfair how their parents rivalry puts them in a bad position where no relationship, platonic or romantic, was allowed between them.
He hates how he would have to pretend to hate Pat in front of his parents and the feeling of anxiousness and frustrations he felt every time his parents talked badly about Pat’s family. It was too much.
And what’s worse, is the fact that their relationship would probably end in a disaster because by the end of the day, they won’t be able to go forward without their parent’s approval. They would be forced to put an end to their relationship and it’s not even their choice or decision. It’s fucked up. The scenario they’re in is fucked up.
Unconsciously, Pran clenched his fists tightly until his nails dug into the palm of his hand. He didn’t notice the pain because the only thing he was aware of, was the sound of his heart throbbing against the cage of his chest and the negative thoughts that was going through his head.
But everything snapped when he felt hands rubbing his tears away. When did he even started crying? He didn’t even noticed.
Pran looked at Pat who was kneeling in front of him. It was too late. He wasn’t able to conceal his sadness.
“Pran, why are you crying? What happened?” Pat asked softly.
“N-nothing. I suddenly thought of a sad movie I watched a few days ago” Pran lied.
Pat sighed as he sat next to the broken man. His left hand never left Pran’s face as he wipe the tears away and gently caressing his lover’s cheeks.
“You need to tell me what’s wrong Pran. Let me help you, please? It hurts me seeing you like this”
Pran shakes his head. It was never his intention to hurt Pat. This is why he never show any sadness from the beginning. He didn’t want Pat to feel sad but is not telling him would hurt him further? Maybe it was best to let the truth out.
Pran sniffle and began to open his mouth before closing it again.
Pat frown at the hesitation as his heart broke seeing his boyfriend this way. Pran rarely cries and something must have hurt him badly to be crying like this.
Pran took a deep breath before letting the truth out.
Pat tilted his head in confusion.
“What are you scared off?”
“You leaving me”
Pat was taken back. Where was all of this coming from?
“Why would I leave you?”
Pran stared at Pat with so much pain in his eyes as the words he said next, finally made sense.
“Because they’ll make us”
Pat pulled him into a tight hug, whispering soothing words into his ear. When they pulled away, Pran could see a mixture of anger and sadness in Pat’s eyes.
“Pran, their problem is theirs to deal with. I am in love with you from the very beginning and no one, I mean no one, can ever separate you from me”
Pran could see the love that’s showing from his boyfriend’s sincere eyes.
“Being with you is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t care what they say. It’s you and me in the end. No one can control our relationship but ourselves”
The words soothe his heart and but it didn’t stop the tears from falling.
“Don’t cry Pran. Let’s not think about the future, okay? When the time comes, we will deal with it together and no matter what happens, I will never leave you. I will never let you go. I promise”
Pran rested his head on the crook of Pat’s neck and silently cry but this time, it was a cry of relief.
“I’ll never leave you. You have no idea how much I love you, Pran” whispered Pat as he kissed the the sobbing man’s crown.
The words that came out of Pat’s mouth was like an assurance to Pran. Is he not afraid of the future anymore? No, he is deadly afraid of it but he trust Pat with his whole heart. He trust that they can go through anything together.