Torii is beautiful.
Sakaki is startled as the thought crosses his mind. It's not something that he usually think of about a friend. A male friend, in this case. Moreover, Torii is not doing anything that can provoke such thought. He is sitting there, in front of him, lips portruded in to a pout, looking slightly annoyed because Sakaki eats the last mochi inside the box they are sharing. But there’s something; something Sakaki can’t really put a finger on and it keeps stubbornly nudging on his mind.
While maintaining a grin, Sakaki carefully watched his friend. Torii has fair complexion, so fair it’s bordering to pale. This is understandable since he rarely goes out. That skin, though, also feels so soft and sometimes, whenever they are sitting or standing too close, Sakaki is sure he can smell the sweet fragrance of Torii’s soap. Torii doesn’t have the built Sakaki owns. He is thin and fragile. And always makes Sakaki wants to throw his arms around Torii and makes sure that Torii’s safe.
Torii’s eyes are focus. Whenever Torii sits down in front of his laptop or cooking, those eyes means business and serious. The rare time those eyes would shine is when Torii find new snacks to try. Some other times, those eyes would look sad, bewildered and scared; accompanied by Torii upsettingly biting on his nails. Sakaki hates those times. But he’s made a promise to himself that he won’t make Torii sad. So whenever Torii slips into that state, Sakaki would gently closes his hand around Torii’s wrist, pulling the hand away and holding it for a few seconds before letting the hand go. A couple of times, Sakaki would bring that hand to his own lips and kisses it, whispering soothing words against Torii’s skin and, sometimes, he would pull Torii into his arms for an embrace.
Sakaki never really ponders on this. Because for him, Torii is always important. Torii is his friend. Sakaki never looks at Torii and think of him as an object of his desire before. Or, maybe he already did. He does. Sakaki gulps down and reaches out his hand to rest on the sofa, a mere centimeter away from Torii’s knee.
Well, why not? Sakaki finds himself thinking. Torii already is a big part of his life - which, may be an understatement because if he's being truly honest to himself now, Torii is actually Sakaki's whole world - and Sakaki does not have any intention of leaving anyway.
So he leans closer, paying attention to how Torii’s body suddenly freezes up. Sakaki stops moving. His eyes darting across Torii’s face, watching as Torii blinks, unsure and wary and generally confused. Torii’s mouth is moving and Sakaki doesn’t waste any more minute hesitating. He closes the distance and presses his lips against Torii’s.
Sakaki can feel Torii’s body becomes rigid and his ear catches the sound of Torii’s breath hitching. The thin lips feels warm and oh so very soft. The way those lips tremble against his, the warmth of Torii’s breath that sweeps across his face and the sweet, sweet scent of Torii’s shampoo, Sakaki never thinks he can get so aroused just from that. And that actually creates another problem.
Torii doesn’t respond and Sakaki somewhat has suspected this. So Sakaki moves away, leaving a very bewildered Torii staring confusedly at him. It takes a full minute for Torii to come back from the initial shock and moving away from Sakaki. His body starts to rock forward and backward, hand already brought to his lips. Sakaki sighs. He should’ve known.
Gently, he takes that hand away and Torii quickly pulls himself free.
Torii is biting his nail again. Sakaki takes Torii’s hand again and when Torii is about to pull away, Sakaki tightens his grip around Torii’s wrist.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to...”
“Kiss me?” Torii cuts in when Sakaki doesn't finish his sentence, looking at Sakaki wearily from behind his hangs.
Sakaki smiles a little. He shakes his head, “Hurt you. The kiss is... I mean, I wanted to. Kiss you.”
Torii’s look is boring into Sakaki’s mind. Like he is still trying to process the whole event using the most logical pattern. Sakaki grimaces but Torii is still not saying anything. When he does, Torii sounds dubious.
“I don’t... know.”
Sakaki shrugs. “Didn’t tell you.” And he smiles.
“What do you want me to do?”
Now, that is the question Sakaki is not prepared to answer. What does he want Torii to do?
Sakaki loosens his hold around Torii’s wrist. His thumb absentmindedly rubs over Torii’s pulse while his eyes are fixated on his feet. He then looks up, staring straight into Torii’s eyes.
“Just... don’t go anywhere.”
Torii snorts, “Unless you didn’t notice, I’m actually a hikikomori.”
Sakaki laughs. Once again, he leans toward his friend and rests his forehead against Torii’s. He closes his eyes and braces himself as he kisses Torii again. He brings Torii’s hand to his mouth and kisses Torii’s palm tenderly.
Sakaki doesn't plan this to happen. He swears he only want to go home and get some sleep so maybe in the morning, after what happened today, his mind can be a little bit clearer. As usual, he puts on his shoes and taps Torii on the shoulder before saying his goodbye. Torii, though, gently tugs on Sakaki's shirt and refuses to look at his friend.
Torii bites his lip, looking dubious for a moment before whispering, "You said I have to stay here. So... you should stay, too and... not... let me be... alone."
Sakaki is staring at Torii with a dumbfounded look.
As he lays beside Torii that night, Sakaki feels absurdly happy. More than ever and more than anything. His chest is so full and feels like he will explode anytime soon if he gets any more excited than he already is. Torii shifts a little bit and Sakaki moves in closer, spooning Torii from behind and he throws his arms across Torii's middle to pull him against Sakaki's chest.
Sakaki closes his eyes. He nuzzles Torii's nape with the tip of his nose and feels Torii squirms a little. He smiles. He feels a little bit dizzy but he thinks he can get used to this. The thought terifies him a little but he brushes it off, for now.
Torii moves, turning halfway so he can look at Sakaki. His eyes are dark and Sakaki can't really see them in the dark but he knows the look. The corner of Torii's lips moves a little, performing a thin smile. Sakaki gasps when Torii touches his cheek with a knuckle, gently. Torii's smile widens and he turns around again, shifting again to close the smallest distance between them.
When Torii welcomes Sakaki entangling their fingers together, Sakaki finds that he is right. Torii is beautiful.